WSHTFF #7: "DAVE STDIDER THE POKEMON TRANER", Part 2

#1
MoonAge
(You can find the first part of this epic tale’s review here: https://minus.world/showthread.php?tid=3954)

The next stop for Dave, Will, and GROUNDOON is Pewter City, the site of their next badge-er, sorry, “bag”. But when they step into the city, they find themselves in the presence of...Naruto of all people. You better BELIEVE IT, because I’m sure as hell not. Naruto tells them they can’t go any further, because the gym leader, Terezi, was “capured” by the evil, slightly inconvenient Team Bad. Because of her “FOSSIL REVIVER MACINE”, they’ve taken her to the museum, where they hope to force her to make an army of Fossil Pokemon and take over the world. Damn Lord Helix worshippers…

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They arrive at the museum, where they find that Terezi is completely safe, but Team Bad is nowhere to be found....or are they? Naruto uses an UNMASK-JUTSU move to reveal himself as Jcak, and Terezi turns out to actually be Kitkat/Karfkat/Karkit/whatever the fuck. Because this is the Pokemon world where death is illogical, they tell the heroes that they haven’t done anything to the real Terezi, but they’re still planning on killing them and stealing GROUNDOON. “u are BAD MAN”, Dave says. He swings his sword at them, but misses because p l o t a r m o r. He realizes that fighting isn’t necessary...and then proceeds to start a Pokemon battle anyway. Dave sends out GROUNDOON and Jcak summons Luigia. No, not Lugia, I mean Luigia.

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This battle of legendaries is over fast when Luigia is defeated by GROUNDOON, considering that, demonstrating the author’s acute knowledge of Pokemon games, Ground-types are effective against Flying-types. The gang rushes to the gym to battle against the real “tarzepi”...or not. On the grounds of being in love with him, the gym leader simply gives the badge to Dave for free. Ah, good ol fashioned political corruption. Even more baffling is that Terezi forces herself into their party, not even finding a replacement. After much walking, the gang then ends up in Lavend-er, “larvender” Town. Before they could ditch the town and its ear-grating music, however, Grissom from CSI stops them, as they’re investigating the disappearance of one Mr. Fuji, the mayor who vanished during a trip to the local Pokemon Tower. Because there are ghosts (who will be dubbed as “gosts” from now on) in the tower, Grissom can’t go in and find him, so he instead places the task on Dave and co. Because young Pokemon trainers have more experience than trained police officials, obviously. Dave gladly accepts, and he says they need to rescue Mr. Fuji before he dies, “or worse he gets KILLED BY GOSTS!”

It’s much too dark in the tower, and even worse, GROUNDOON’s omnipotent Flash move doesn’t help matters. Truly, they are fucked. As a result, when Will falls into a trapdoor, Dave and “tarperi” don’t even notice. Will gets up, only to find before him some gosts with sheets. One teleports behind him, and no, he doesn’t say “nothing personal kid”, but rather he ties him up. Will yells, but as the basement was soundproof (seems legit), no one hears him. Dave and Terezi finally realize that there’s a distinct lack of Will following them, and they investigate, with Terezi using her magnifying glass, never mind that it’s too dark to see anything. Will manages to cut his bounds, but he’s quite stuck when he finds that the door the gosts used was locked, aka “coked”. Dave and “teriyaki” find and open the trapdoor, and Will shouts that it was gosts who kidnapped him. And they’re able to hear this just fine since “they were all in the basement so they could all here it.” Hello, short term memory, my old friend…

Will inexplicably gets back to his friends (never explained how) and they set up a trap for the gosts using a net and money. You would probably think “They’re dead, what use for money what they have?” But they fall for it anyway. Using the reliable Scooby Doo standby, they unmask the gosts, and they’re actually, surprise surprise, Team Bad. Strange thing is, before they run away, Jcak mentions that he has no idea who Mr. Fuji is. After this-and bear with me for this part-Grissom comes out of the shadows and reveals himself to be Mr. Fuji all along, and he just used plastic surgery to disguise himself. Why he did this? He needed footage for Gost Hunters, better than any explanation the author could come up with...and by that, I mean he has none. Their time sufficiently wasted, the heroes move on to Vermillion-I mean, “verdemillion” City to acquire the next “badger”.

At the city, once again it’s too dark, so GROUNDOON uses Flash to not just illuminate the streets, but all of the streetlights. “Becuz GROUNDOON is a leg end and EVERYTHING lists to him. EVERYTHING.” Dave notices a sign for a Battle of the Bands, which could help them get the badge. Will asks why there’s something like this when there’s already a gym leader. Terezi’s response? “It is to keep peple who are gay adn play gey music like In-Sink from getting the badge becuz they are gay and also prepz.” Did I mention that this is a pretty old fanfic? They enter the competition, and they meet their fellow competitors: one band has Edward and Bella from Twilight (back when it was relevant to shit on Twilight), a one-man band consisted of Dry Bowser, and finally, the third band is Team Bad. Dave’s band starts off with Enter Sandman from Slipknot, which is so good that the Twilight Team quits. They then do a Fallout Boy number (again, preeeeetty old fanfic), which causes Dry Bowser to die again. Team Bad plays dirty by destroying Dave’s DJ turntables. However, this doesn’t deter Dave one bit, and he proceeds to *ahem* rap with GROUNDOON, which makes Team Bad’s instruments explode. Porple Fishman, the Verdemillion gym leader, comes out and gives him his next badge. Say what you will about this chapter ending, but I can’t wait for the adaptation for it:

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#2
Aidan
fuck luigia

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