To be honest there are times where I literally feel like my existence only makes life worse for everyone around me, that I have accomplished nothing but taking up resources better used by someone else who contributes more to society. It's hard to stay positive when it feels like nobody even wants you for the dumbest of jobs, like cart pushing. It's even harder when you think you've been with long time friends but they seem to find you annoying, petty, etc. To have lost someone in your poly relationship and try to pretend everything's normal while you live together... while you blame yourself.

When it comes to me, it's hard to find things to love.

Don't be so hard on yourself, even if you're not happy right now it's never too late to turn it around.

I'd recommend counseling, but I don't get counseling myself.

The mistake here is thinking you owe the world something in order to justify existing. You exist because the universe made it happen. Society, jobs, relationships, these are all things we invent. You're not required to participate in any of them; in fact you're not required to do anything. You have a life and you can do whatever you want with it. I think that's an important realization for people to make when they feel the way you do.

I cant really say much to help since I hate myself too but
go find professional help, be it counseling or what have you

I think you should find some kind of outlet that will help you express yourself. Drawing, music, writing, shit even coding if you're good enough at that..anything creative honestly.

You'd be surprised the release you can get and the things you figure out about yourself. Chances are your resentment towards yourself isn't all that warranted. Good luck kyoudai

i just watch ddp videos when i feel down