This post was last modified: Sep 17, 2017 at 2:37 PM by Stirling.

hey you negative earthnoids

we all cook

so let's talk about delicious foods we make


i'm starting off with something that is slowly becoming my favourite dish: chicken piccata [sometimes called chicken scaloppine idk its italian and america is infamous for fucking up italian cooking cause the immigrants were fucked socially and economically when immigrating]

so you're gonna need to get this shit to make this in order of usage
chicken breast. no skin. we're babies here [but also it doesn't really work with the way this all comes together]
cayenne. did i say we were babies? no. i lied. we're using spicy peppers.
salt. it literally enhances flavours when balanced properly
black pepper. 'nuff said.
flour. how do you think we artifice a better skin?
olive oil. you can be a tasteless or poor motherfucker and use vegetable oil, i guess. don't use extra virgin. you may feel a personal connection with it, but it doesn't sauce.
capers. i literally have no substitute for these. they're that unique and amazing. just do it. it's like god decided to make anal beads for your mouth.
garlic. WARIO
white wine. use chicken stock for a cheaper alternative that you don't have to figure out which wine works best.
lemon jucie. use it FRESH, cause we're gonna be use fresh lemons anyways. pucker up if you're afraid of sourness, cause you're gonna get pricked by something amazing.
butter. it's a butter sauce dish. don't margarine. b u t t e r.
lemon slices. just use half for slices, half for juice. fucking deseed that shit, too.
parsley. italian you goddamn monster. this is an italian dish.


starting off, you wanna pound that breast like you're getting a titjob. get them down to like a half inch thick; the size of said paizuri'd penis. now, we all know we're a bunch of cucks here, so if we ever had the chance to ejaculate, it'd be dry as shit from our unused ballsacks, so pretend you just came on the breasts. just get a light coating of your dry, sticky flour on both [sides] of the breasts.

get that skillet on medium high heat with your olive oil til it shimmers. then you toss on the breasts and thus SHOULD be sizzling. once they're all on there, turn it down to medium til browned on each side. i do like 5-6 minutes, but it'll all depend on the thickness and relative heat of your stovetop's medium setting. if you added too much flour like a wasteful sunnavbich you really are, then you'll be getting clumps and flakes of tasty fried flour skidding around the pan. stop fucking up.

check that that shit is cooked through. this is CHICKEN. you don't sashimi it. no pink. remove it to a plate once they're all cooked.

did i say turn off the pan? no, and that is because we're immediately adding our capers on that medium heat! add in that minced garlic too, and crush half of each of those while they cook to release some of the juices and flavours. lett'em both spark up in the oil for half to a full minute and add that sick-ass wine/stock. reduce to half and scrape off anything stuck to the pan. flavour is on your pan, not black gunk.

add in your lemon juice and the cold butter chunks. your ratio should be: a butterload of butter : a chicken breast. SIMMER NOW. Keep it rocking to melt. add in your lemon slices and parsely and then put the chicken back in to heat back for a minute or two.

ta-fucking-da. you just made amazing food. toss the chick on a plate, either on top of some plain risotto or pasta of your choice, then spoon over the sauce.

check back tomorrow for yoshin's guaranteed hotrock flatbreads, the ultimate homeless food to go with your roasted potato

also, ask questions and learn how to cook in this thread. you don't know what i mean? i'll tell ya what i mean. i might even just fucking make it for ya.

best cheese for a grilled cheese sandwich?

How do I spice up and go beyond plus ultra with some common dishes? I'm talkin' eggs, pancakes, the fundamental sammies, and what not.

sometimes i put baked beans in a pan and heat them up and then i eat them

This post was last modified: Sep 17, 2017 at 2:37 PM by Stirling.

best cheese for a grilled cheese sandwich?

gruyere

How do I spice up and go beyond plus ultra with some common dishes? I'm talkin' eggs, pancakes, the fundamental sammies, and what not.

add eggs to your chorizo.
put fresh-af berries in your pancakes.
peanut butter, jelly, and honey. keep the honey away from the bread.
you got leftover meats? grill that sandwich bread with a little butter on it and the meat and cheese in there. literally turns any boring luncheon meal into something hearty.
got pasta cravings but don't know what to cook? toss it in the water, toss some oil and garlic into a pan, cook them both with the garlic going from medium to medium low so you don't burn it to bitterness, turn off the heat and add some of the pasta water. drain the pasta water when cooked, add to a plate and spice with salt, black pepper, and red pepper, then add your aglio e oilo sauce and some parmesan and italian parsley. bam.

but can you make a cheeseburger

Alright time for the best homeless bread available.
Start a fire and get a nice flat rock next to it(or just a pan on high) we want that rock to be really hot when we slap our bread on it.
Next your gonna need 350 grams of whatever flour you got; all-purpose, corn, whole wheat, cricket it doesn't matter. Now go get an equal amount of a nice yogurt(I recc greek) and stir them them together. Really it could just be 2 tablespoons of each just as long as you got a 1:1 mixture of flour and yogurt. Alright now your gonna knead it for like 2 minutes max, just play with it in your hand untill it comes together. If you're using the 350 grams amount you wanna dived into 8 even-ish portions at this point, and take each portion and turn it into 10cm-ish circles that are like 4mm thick maybe? Alright once you got that down take your little circles right on the rock/pan, no oil. You want them to be a little chared and puffing up a tiny bit. Now once they're all done you can do whatever with them they're bread I shouldn't have tell you what to do with bread. If you want a little more puff then I'd add some baking powder(like 5 or 6 grams) but this is flatbread so why you trying to make it not flat. And there you go, keep this recipe in your back pocket if you're ever in my situation.

but can you make a cheeseburger

Get some nice ground chuck, roll into balls, then put them on a cast iron pan heated to medium/high and smash them as soon as they're in

This gets them nice and flat like delicious fast food burgers, without losing any flavor since you're smashing it right when it goes into the pan

This post was last modified: Sep 18, 2017 at 12:59 AM by Spritanium.

INSTANT PIZZA SAUCE SO SIMPLE EVEN YOU CAN DO IT

1 can of tomato sauce, 15oz
1 can of tomato paste, 6oz
1 tbsp oregano
1/2 tbsp basil
1 tsp paprika
1/2 tsp sugar (up to 1tsp if you like it sweeter)
1/2 tsp red pepper flakes
1/2 tsp onion powder
2 cloves minced garlic

Step 1: mix all that shit together
Step 2: spoon the sauce into an ice cube tray
Step 3: wrap the tray in foil and freeze for future use

You can pop out 3 or 4 cubes every time you want to make a pizza. Never buy pizza sauce in a jar if you respect yourself

This post was last modified: Nov 8, 2017 at 8:14 PM by Spritanium.

SLOW COOKER REFRIED BEANS (Rubios Style)

Not sure if Rubio's is just a california thing, but I developed this recipe that tastes pretty close

3 cups dried pinto beans
5 cloves minced garlic
2 tsp kosher salt
1 tsp black pepper
1/2 tsp cumin
1/2 tsp cayenne pepper
6-7 cups water
2 tbsp olive oil

Add all dry ingredients + 1 tbsp oil to slow cooker, then pour the water over. Cook on high for 9 hours, or low for 12+ hours. After cooking, mix in the remaining 1 tbsp oil and mash/blend the beans, leaving some whole pieces. Add more salt/pepper if necessary. Freeze in individual portions in freezer bags. When you reheat it can help to add a splash of water to loosen them

If you want to make a bean & cheese burrito, just shred some queso quesadilla cheese (or monterey jack if you can't find that), and heat a tortilla in a pan while turning it frequently. Once it's hot, add the shredded cheese and add heated refried beans on top of that. Then transfer to a plate and fold after adding anything else you want (hot sauce, minced onions, etc)

the recipe

someone should make this in a proper kitchen and tell me how it turns out, I've only made it on hot rocks and it always has a lil dirt in it or the fire burns it outright

green beans that done expired:
step 1: boil big pot of water
step 2: check your greebeas for freshness. since youve never cooked them before, kyou have no idea if they're good or not
step 3: boil them and then drop into ice water after 5 minutes
step 4: complain the beans are not cwispy
step 5: fry the beans in butter and salt and parmasean
step 6: taste the bean and realize they're just not good beans

someone should make this in a proper kitchen and tell me how it turns out, I've only made it on hot rocks and it always has a lil dirt in it or the fire burns it outright

okay i'm super late trying this out, but i made your homeless bread yesturday morning with 1/2 cups blueberry yogurt and flour mixed together, set the burner on medium heat and then cooked each side for about five minutes.

it turned out alright.