on today's journey through doujinstyle i wanted a fighting game, so i picked the one with the worst sounding name and here we are


i was a bit apprehensive when i saw the box art because it was full of pretty boys and i was concerned this was some sort of fighting game/porn hybrid. however, i decided to take the risk because even if i did accidentally download hentai, at least it wouldn't be as stupid as eating hot peppers for a forum event
the folder is called Gunparade Spirits, which is obviously a much better translation of the title and one i will not be using


here's the title screen featuring a horrible voodoo doll curbstomping a mutated duck. i left some mw in the background to show that this game runs in borderless windowed mode by default. it also refuses to minimize, so i had to see the game onscreen at all times while taking screenshots and shit. this of course endeared me greatly to the product


this is the config screen. i know 99% of you can't read any of this shit but oh well. despite the first option being Joystick Config, my controller was not recognized and in fact that entire menu did fuck all. somehow the idolmaster zelda clone has native controller support but i couldn't get it working on the fighting game. sick. i played through it with keyboard instead


here's the character select. despite appearances there's more than three characters, just for some ungodly reason they decide to only show a couple of them onscreen at once. i would've taken screens of the other characters but printscreen selects a character in this game so fuck me i guess. most of them basically looked like these asshooles anyways so you're not missing much. i actually picked this character because i wanted to play as the chick with the firey hair but i would not be so lucky


so here's what the game actually looks like. i suppose this art style is acceptable if it's 2004 and you're blind.
our opponent here, goblin, is actually playable by default despite appearing to be someone goombas would bully in high school. his AI pattern is to do a sweep and immediately activate super if he gets meter, so if you're mastered the art of blocking low you should be pretty much invincible.


here's my girl sweeping his dumb ass straight to the shadow realm. this is a three button game as far as i could tell: light/medium/heavy.
those weird stars shoot out of every single attack in the game on hit. i guess the artist was a big fan of cardcaptor sakura


this is the first special move i found, a fucking sub machine gun.
you might notice i managed a 16 hit combo here. mostly that's due to my awesome gamer skillz but also because the combo system in this game is really generous. you can chain light > medium > heavy like most anime games, and add a special onto the end. i managed 16 hits here because firing the smg fires every single round in the magazine on full auto, amounting to like 12 hits by itself. if you use the super version at the end of a combo it does about 20 hits and lasts longer than the line-up for szechuan sauce


i was originally going to show our character's victory screen but then this popped up and i grabbed a screenshot as fast as i could. goblin here is clearly choked that hit strategy of wiggling ineffectually at a schoolgirl's ankles failed him. when he returns to his village i'm pretty sure his fellow goblins will stone his to death for dishonoring his bloodline.


this is the second opponent, naga. as you can see he's a more formidable adversary, packing pink dick lasers.
i figured out a bunch more shit in this fight but i'm going to save all that until the end. instead i'll use this opportunity to ask a few questions. why are there cats attached to the corners of the screen? why is this little girl blasting mythological creatures with an smg? why is there an antenna coming out of the super meter? is this also an idolmaster fan game?


for some reason naga is incredibly smug even though i riddled him with 400 bullets. what he's thinking i will never know, but at least he can't harass any more helpless sailor scouts


the next opponent was a fucking recolor of goblin. i actually can't believe this shit. i know there's at least 5 other characters i could be fighting, and two out of three opponents are goblin. fuck me.
this one at least has the good sense to throw clothes irons. he must've seen what happened to his little brother and decided not to be a worthless loser


okay it's hard to tell but take my word for it this special move is sweet. anime lara croft here jumps on this dick's head, blasts him in the parietal lobe, kicks him in the back of the kneecaps, then while he's on the ground annihilates his amygdala executioner's style.
the input for this is back, down, downback+medium i think but i was playing on a keyboard so it was more like mash the arrow keys for 20 minutes and then hit a button


this one is a yt video because it couldn't be conveyed in a static medium. this super is rad as fuck and i probably missed it five times trying to get the footage. i couldn't be happier to see this possessed snot bubble obliterated by the awesome force of an anime girl with a laser cannon. as soon as i confirmed landing this i alt+f4'd because i was certain it wouldn't get any better than this

so that's my experience with KOUKIDOU KAKUTOU GANPAREDO SUPIRITTSU. i have played some shitty fighting games before but this one is actually mind-boggling. i would absolutely never play this again on my own, though i might consider it as a last resort if i was hanging out with some street fighter v players and hated myself


this game gets one naked tifa out of five