Allllright, maggots, listen hard, because I'd have to tax you if you don't catch it the first time! You deceased players, whether you were the victim or the killer, are here for one reason and one reason only: your survival skills are as low as those of a toddler in the Gobi Desert! Now that you're dead, instead of spending all of time inside a black, isolated void, you're getting something even better: an all-expense-paid vacation to my humble abode, the Underworld!
Now, now, don't give me those faces of contempt. You all should be grateful! I made sure all of your accommodations are fit for a king...who got overthrown and forced to live in the slums. Your ???-star meals will consist of potentially toxic mushrooms, expired Diet Pepsi, and ice cream that melts in 4 seconds! Playing on the televisions in your rooms, which are painted with a sickly shade of yellow and pink, are 24/7 marathons of Full House. There is a pool, but it's either too hot or too cold most of the time.
So there you have it! I sincerely hope you enjoy your eternal stay at Underworld Suites, but if you want to file a complaint, don't worry. I'll make sure it's burned as soon as possible.