Because this story doesn’t have enough ridiculous OCs, we’re introduced to FBI agent Naomi, who goes into the police office to see L, as she thinks she knows who Kira is. Her beef against him is that Kira killed her husband, never mind that her husband could have been 100 pounds overweight and made a living out of watching TV. She definitely knows it was a Kira-grade heart attack, trust me. However, the desk clerk, who is incidentally bi, uses her dead husband to her advantage by flirting with her. Even if you move past the insensitivity, the real deal-breaker is that her best pick-up line is noting that Naomi spelled backwards somehow spells “I Moon”. She finally manages to get in L’s office, but before she can spill the deets on Kira’s identity, we’re taken to the house of Kira himself. Light and Dark wake up, and it turns out that they were in bed together...even though Light just got a bunk bed. The author tries to convince us they’re not gay, but the way he words this next part doesn’t do a good job carrying the message:
“Light came all over the bed from the window of the room. Dark reached round and grabbed the cock [clock] from the table.”
What was that about no slash again, Mr. D’arkYagam’i? Anyway, Blud starts to dance around and beg for a blood banana, and his bouncing mohawk reminds Dark of Sonic the Hedgehog’s, but he notes it’s not blue, but a hyperealistic blood red (foreshadowing for a future review, maybe?). And then Dark throws him a blood banana and Ryuk laments not being able to eat blood bananas, so in other words, nothing happens for a good few sentences. Back in L’s office, Naomi exclaims that Kira is actually Mikami (barely know him since I dropped Death Note halfway in, but as far as I can tell, he’s a worshipper of Kira). Satisfied with this, L and Soichiro, the latter badly pretending to be British, move out on a helicopter to exterminate the serial killer once and for all, but Naomi stays behind for some steamy desk clerk sex. However, in the process of shedding her clothes, she reveals herself to be….Takada!
...You know, another OC. Ahem.
L and Soichiro/Watari arrive at Mikami’s house, and in a true subtle matter only L could pull off, he turns on the helicopter sirens and demands that Mikami comes out, Soichiro firing from his sniper rifle as a warning. No response. In a baffling turn of events, L throws a smoke grenade into the house, and despite this, Soichiro manages to land a clean shot on Mikami’s leg. Not only that, but it “killed him in the leg”! And he’s still alive! L jumps into the broken window with the intention of stealth, but unfortunately his idea of stealth is screaming at the top of his lungs. And Mikami knows of their presence already from the fucking bullet lodged him in, so what’s the point? Perhaps Mikami’s just a dolt, because he was perceptive enough to be carrying the Death Note in plain sight when L jumped in. Despite this obvious Death Note, Mikami claims he’s not the real Kira. Soichiro, holding a knife up to him “like the joker did”, angrily demands to know who Kira really is, then. And by angrily, I mean “tell us you f-cking scumbag!!” and “his mustache is covered with spit” angrily. Jesus, you’re a chief of police, calm down. Mikami succumbs to his bullet wound before he could finish his answer, and L is outraged that he’ll never know it who was, now. Only thing is, Mikami managed to utter “Light Yaga…” before he died, so unless the true culprit is Light Yagamotodorokiraiden, I don’t know why he’s frustrated.
Back in the police station, Takada and the desk clerk are fucking each other as much as the author is fucking over his “no slash” promise when Takada suddenly drops dead; she’s been Death Noted! Light chuckles in his room, saying “just as keikaku’d” (well that’snot really what he said, but I can dream).
Flashing back to the day prior, Matt, apparently Mello’s partner, races across the country to get in on the action and avenge him. Too bad he decided to travel 3,000 miles as quickly as possible via motorcycle...Suddenly, he picks up a strange vibe from the car ahead of him, perhaps because the driver is maniacally laughing and is going 5 miles past the speed limit. Alright, pop quiz! Matt reacts to this by:
A: minding his own business and continuing to drive normally
B: pulling him over, as evil laughing is outlawed in 7 states
C: maniacally laughing along with him, maybe the dude just wants some company
or D: shooting the back window, not even thinking about what the driver could be doing and endangering himself
If you guessed D, then congrats! You’ve gotten a handle of the average intelligence of 99% of the characters in this story! Matt jumps at the window (while they’re STILL DRIVING, mind you) and sees that the driver, a tall, skinny man named Yotsuba, is driving and writing in his very own Death Note at the same time. It’s sad, writing in killing notebooks is the number one cause of auto accidents; number two being dying from said killing notebooks. Matt takes the wheel Jesus-style and crashes the car into a wall, causing it to explode….the gun only had one bullet, I guess? There’s only one survivor, who took the Death Note, and although it’s led to be ambiguous he’s described as “getting on his motorbike’’ so it should be a given. We’re taken back to present day, where Dark punches Light in the gut and demands to know why he killed Naomi and Mikami, which he replies with the fact that they would have told their names to the police otherwise, causing Dark to immediately calm down. See what I mean about these characters’ IQs? Blud comes into the room, eating a Blood Banoffee pie (good god I need that recipe), and he informs them that Matt survived the car crash. Never telling us how they know Matt exists, Light doesn’t seem to know about this event. Time for the moment that cements Blud as the best OP OC in any fic: he reveals that his Death Note can kill people in the past, which he did with Matt to prevent him from stealing Yotsuba’s Death Note. Jesus Christ, why not just go after him while he’s just a baby, while you’re at it? Back to the past, the car is crashed again, but this time, it’s Yotsuba who survives. I don’t think the Blud Note is OP enough, it needs to be able to kill the author too so I don’t have to go through any more of this. Meanwhile, L has read up on the rules of Mikami’s Death Note, and he tests it out on...Light’s mom? Welp, I take it L’s not a MILF fan.
“Light came all over the bed from the window of the room. Dark reached round and grabbed the cock [clock] from the table.”
What was that about no slash again, Mr. D’arkYagam’i? Anyway, Blud starts to dance around and beg for a blood banana, and his bouncing mohawk reminds Dark of Sonic the Hedgehog’s, but he notes it’s not blue, but a hyperealistic blood red (foreshadowing for a future review, maybe?). And then Dark throws him a blood banana and Ryuk laments not being able to eat blood bananas, so in other words, nothing happens for a good few sentences. Back in L’s office, Naomi exclaims that Kira is actually Mikami (barely know him since I dropped Death Note halfway in, but as far as I can tell, he’s a worshipper of Kira). Satisfied with this, L and Soichiro, the latter badly pretending to be British, move out on a helicopter to exterminate the serial killer once and for all, but Naomi stays behind for some steamy desk clerk sex. However, in the process of shedding her clothes, she reveals herself to be….Takada!
...You know, another OC. Ahem.
L and Soichiro/Watari arrive at Mikami’s house, and in a true subtle matter only L could pull off, he turns on the helicopter sirens and demands that Mikami comes out, Soichiro firing from his sniper rifle as a warning. No response. In a baffling turn of events, L throws a smoke grenade into the house, and despite this, Soichiro manages to land a clean shot on Mikami’s leg. Not only that, but it “killed him in the leg”! And he’s still alive! L jumps into the broken window with the intention of stealth, but unfortunately his idea of stealth is screaming at the top of his lungs. And Mikami knows of their presence already from the fucking bullet lodged him in, so what’s the point? Perhaps Mikami’s just a dolt, because he was perceptive enough to be carrying the Death Note in plain sight when L jumped in. Despite this obvious Death Note, Mikami claims he’s not the real Kira. Soichiro, holding a knife up to him “like the joker did”, angrily demands to know who Kira really is, then. And by angrily, I mean “tell us you f-cking scumbag!!” and “his mustache is covered with spit” angrily. Jesus, you’re a chief of police, calm down. Mikami succumbs to his bullet wound before he could finish his answer, and L is outraged that he’ll never know it who was, now. Only thing is, Mikami managed to utter “Light Yaga…” before he died, so unless the true culprit is Light Yagamotodorokiraiden, I don’t know why he’s frustrated.
Back in the police station, Takada and the desk clerk are fucking each other as much as the author is fucking over his “no slash” promise when Takada suddenly drops dead; she’s been Death Noted! Light chuckles in his room, saying “just as keikaku’d” (well that’snot really what he said, but I can dream).
Flashing back to the day prior, Matt, apparently Mello’s partner, races across the country to get in on the action and avenge him. Too bad he decided to travel 3,000 miles as quickly as possible via motorcycle...Suddenly, he picks up a strange vibe from the car ahead of him, perhaps because the driver is maniacally laughing and is going 5 miles past the speed limit. Alright, pop quiz! Matt reacts to this by:
A: minding his own business and continuing to drive normally
B: pulling him over, as evil laughing is outlawed in 7 states
C: maniacally laughing along with him, maybe the dude just wants some company
or D: shooting the back window, not even thinking about what the driver could be doing and endangering himself
If you guessed D, then congrats! You’ve gotten a handle of the average intelligence of 99% of the characters in this story! Matt jumps at the window (while they’re STILL DRIVING, mind you) and sees that the driver, a tall, skinny man named Yotsuba, is driving and writing in his very own Death Note at the same time. It’s sad, writing in killing notebooks is the number one cause of auto accidents; number two being dying from said killing notebooks. Matt takes the wheel Jesus-style and crashes the car into a wall, causing it to explode….the gun only had one bullet, I guess? There’s only one survivor, who took the Death Note, and although it’s led to be ambiguous he’s described as “getting on his motorbike’’ so it should be a given. We’re taken back to present day, where Dark punches Light in the gut and demands to know why he killed Naomi and Mikami, which he replies with the fact that they would have told their names to the police otherwise, causing Dark to immediately calm down. See what I mean about these characters’ IQs? Blud comes into the room, eating a Blood Banoffee pie (good god I need that recipe), and he informs them that Matt survived the car crash. Never telling us how they know Matt exists, Light doesn’t seem to know about this event. Time for the moment that cements Blud as the best OP OC in any fic: he reveals that his Death Note can kill people in the past, which he did with Matt to prevent him from stealing Yotsuba’s Death Note. Jesus Christ, why not just go after him while he’s just a baby, while you’re at it? Back to the past, the car is crashed again, but this time, it’s Yotsuba who survives. I don’t think the Blud Note is OP enough, it needs to be able to kill the author too so I don’t have to go through any more of this. Meanwhile, L has read up on the rules of Mikami’s Death Note, and he tests it out on...Light’s mom? Welp, I take it L’s not a MILF fan.
