HOWDY KIDS, IT’S YOUR FAVORITE MOLESTY UNCLE BILL CIPHER, AND BOY OH BOY HAVE I GOT A PROPOSITION FOR YOU! HAVE YOU EVER WANTED TO BECOME A FEW STEPS AWAY FROM BECOMING JESUS? EVER FEEL LIKE WANTING TO CRUSH YOUR ENEMIES WITH AN IRON, GODLY FIST BEFORE YOU REALIZE YOU’RE HELD BACK BY THE LAWS OF PHYSICS? THEN LOOK NO FURTHER! HERE’S HOW IT WORKS:
1. SEND ME A MESSAGE THE NIGHT BEFORE, LETTING ME KNOW YOU WANT A DEAL! FOR EXAMPLE, LET’S SAY YOU WANT THE POWER TO SHOOT CHILI PEPPERS OUT OF YOUR EYES!
2.AFTER I STATE A CONDITIONAL DRAWBACK (FOR THIS, LET’S SAY THE CHILI PEPPERS MAKE YOUR EYES WATER AND YOU LEAVE A VISIBLE WATER TRAIL FROM THE CONSTANT TEARS YOU JUT OUT) WE GET TO BUSINESS! SADLY I’M LEGALLY OBLIGATED TO ALLOW YOU TO AGREE TO THE DRAWBACK BEFORE WE STRIKE THE DEAL!
3. AS MY ROLE DICTATES, YOU COME TO MY MUSICAL PERFORMANCE WHERE I MAKE THE MAGIC HAPPEN! MY TUNES WILL ENCHANT YOU WITH THE BUFF YOU WANT, AND YOU’RE NOW FREE TO SPREAD CHAOS TO YOUR HEART’S CONTENT! DON’T WORRY ABOUT THE NOISE, I CAN BEAT TOOTHPICKS ON A DRUM AS A CONCERT IF I HAVE TO!
AND THIS IS ALL YOURS FOR THE LOW LOW PRICE OF YOUR FIRSTBORN SON, 10 YEARS OFF YOUR LIFE, AND YOUR ENTIRE WALLET, PLUS SHIPPING AND HANDLING! WHY AM I TELLING YOU ALL OF THIS NOW INSTEAD OF WHEN THE GAME STARTS, YOU PONDER?
I HAD A HUNCH YOUR FEEBLE HUMAN MINDS COULDN’T FULLY PROCESS MY MAGIC IN ONLY ONE OR TWO DAYS BEFORE THE FIRST INVESTIGATION! SO TAKE ALL THE TIME YOU NEED TO THINK UP YOUR FIRST WISH FOR ME! YOU CAN’T SPELL BILL CIPHER WITHOUT PATIENCE! THIS IS BECAUSE MY REAL NAME IS ACTUALLY AN INFINITE STRING OF LETTERS, JUST LIKE PI!
I KNOW NONE OF YOU ARE INTELLECTUAL ENOUGH TO UNDERSTAND ALL OF THIS EVEN WITH THE TIME I’M GIVING YOU, SO DON’T FORGET TO ASK QUESTIONS ABOUT ANYTHING!
1. SEND ME A MESSAGE THE NIGHT BEFORE, LETTING ME KNOW YOU WANT A DEAL! FOR EXAMPLE, LET’S SAY YOU WANT THE POWER TO SHOOT CHILI PEPPERS OUT OF YOUR EYES!
2.AFTER I STATE A CONDITIONAL DRAWBACK (FOR THIS, LET’S SAY THE CHILI PEPPERS MAKE YOUR EYES WATER AND YOU LEAVE A VISIBLE WATER TRAIL FROM THE CONSTANT TEARS YOU JUT OUT) WE GET TO BUSINESS! SADLY I’M LEGALLY OBLIGATED TO ALLOW YOU TO AGREE TO THE DRAWBACK BEFORE WE STRIKE THE DEAL!
3. AS MY ROLE DICTATES, YOU COME TO MY MUSICAL PERFORMANCE WHERE I MAKE THE MAGIC HAPPEN! MY TUNES WILL ENCHANT YOU WITH THE BUFF YOU WANT, AND YOU’RE NOW FREE TO SPREAD CHAOS TO YOUR HEART’S CONTENT! DON’T WORRY ABOUT THE NOISE, I CAN BEAT TOOTHPICKS ON A DRUM AS A CONCERT IF I HAVE TO!
AND THIS IS ALL YOURS FOR THE LOW LOW PRICE OF YOUR FIRSTBORN SON, 10 YEARS OFF YOUR LIFE, AND YOUR ENTIRE WALLET, PLUS SHIPPING AND HANDLING! WHY AM I TELLING YOU ALL OF THIS NOW INSTEAD OF WHEN THE GAME STARTS, YOU PONDER?
I HAD A HUNCH YOUR FEEBLE HUMAN MINDS COULDN’T FULLY PROCESS MY MAGIC IN ONLY ONE OR TWO DAYS BEFORE THE FIRST INVESTIGATION! SO TAKE ALL THE TIME YOU NEED TO THINK UP YOUR FIRST WISH FOR ME! YOU CAN’T SPELL BILL CIPHER WITHOUT PATIENCE! THIS IS BECAUSE MY REAL NAME IS ACTUALLY AN INFINITE STRING OF LETTERS, JUST LIKE PI!
I KNOW NONE OF YOU ARE INTELLECTUAL ENOUGH TO UNDERSTAND ALL OF THIS EVEN WITH THE TIME I’M GIVING YOU, SO DON’T FORGET TO ASK QUESTIONS ABOUT ANYTHING!
