This post was last modified: Sep 15, 2017 at 4:26 AM by Fun With Despair.

In the same general area as the rather bad Copperwood Community Playground, lies the Coalbanks Elementary School. A rather new addition to the city of Lethbridge, this school actually opened for the first time this year. After many nights of walking right past it, on the same path as the one that led to the location of our first episode, I decided to finally get over the stigma of hanging around elementary schools and explore the place.

I am after all, a journalist.

Overall, it appears to be well-designed, although it pales in comparison to Nicholas Sheran. The ground is gravel, as usual, but the color scheme of the place leaves much to be desired. Perhaps it's the dismal tone of the sky that aids the impression, but the playground feels almost clinical in design and coloration. It reminds vaguely of Apple products, except this playground is actually competently designed and does not cost a couple thousand dollars to use.

Around the perimeter are a few of the little games that playgrounds love to incorporate, although tic-tac-toe was noticeably absent, to my dismay. There's a few of these little "music" stations with a bunch of things that make noise if you touch them, including some drums and a little "hand-xylophone". These are fairly unique actually, and I haven't seen them elsewhere. There's also a memory match, again a surprising game to feature at a playground.

This unique focus on innovation is something that again, further distances them from Apple products.

See this swing? This thing's bitchin'

Comfy to sit in, great thrust, and perfect for those complete madmen who like to wind it up and spin around. Generally pleasant experience overall, I must say.

There's also this thing, which... is alright I guess. You can climb up the sides and it spins, so I guess it might be fun if you had some idiot spinning you, but I question who would neglect climbing the thing just to spin their buddy around. It would probably take a real weirdo honestly, because climbing and being spun seems like the way better option here, objectively.

There is a nice variety of monkeybars and things besides that big cone to climb all over. There's also this weird monkeybars-type thing that goes under the floor. I have no idea why, although I suspect it's for those who want to use the monkeybars under the cover of darkness, like some kind of stupid kid version of batman. That's the kind of kid who gets his lunch money stolen, the kind of kid who then goes on to obsess over military gear and draw tanks and guns on his homework, the kind of kid who signs up for middle school drama class only to do a fucking gun skit for every project because it's gotta be guns

man, fuck you Dylan, no one cared about guns

alright, stop this shit

this one doesn't even make noise

The first slide was pretty big actually, and very smooth. Even a grown man can enjoy that slide with relative ease, although it flattens out a little bit at the end, making your butt kind of scoot along for a bit like a dog on a rug. The triple side is just TOO FUCKING SHORT jesus christ please make these things longer, it just ain't cool if it's short. Who do these designers think their demographic is here? Children?

There's also this little mini structure here, which is just the same as the big version but mildly shittier. I have no idea why they sough to implement this, but it's probably for the people way less cooler than me to waste their time reviewing

THE VERDICT: 7/10

After going home and pondering, mostly because my fucking phone died, I must admit that this one is pretty good, but not as good as the last. The color scheme is rather drab, and there's a few additions I would call pointless. Normally I'd give this one an 8, however they included that fucking dumb ass wheel, which really turns me off, you know? Gets me totally flaccid.

Anyway, I'll see you next time, folks.

you made me look forward to fucking playground reviews i cant believe this.

this looks like a fun playground, lots of neat shit and i like that swing design a lot

you made me look forward to fucking playground reviews i cant believe this.

this looks like a fun playground, lots of neat shit and i like that swing design a lot

This was definitely one of the better ones so far, and the swing was a true feat of engineering.

As always, I appreciate your support in my pursuit of unbiased entertainment journalism

minus world, now an FBI honeypot.

it looks like this playground has the most pieces yet

i love these tbh