cause we dont need 15 of these threads filling the archive

This post was last modified: Nov 16, 2017 at 12:44 AM by Ron Jeremy.

yo, tits

you ain't my mom


jk dyrr ilu

too late

rip

dumping my results instead

You wake up and immediately grab your pillowcase. You're getting an odd sense of deja vu, and a craving for butter, but you ignore it in favor of the superior option:

Alcohol, baby.

You leave to the WINE STORAGE and pour a bottle of the cheapest, shittiest red wine you can over your head. You then see ARCHER_EST enter the room, and you do the exact same thing to him, because you're a piece of shit.

Faggotry aside, you have at least activated your power, so you put that bottle and some good-ass best wine into the pillowcase, and you use your SPEED to search the room while ARCHER_EST is too focused on being wine-coated to notice. You don't find any secrets of note, so you descend to the KITCHEN, where GATO is convulsing in a dreadful manner, holding an APPLE.

While in there, you fill up your WINE BOTTLE with water, as MONOKUMA enters, holding a blowtorch. You hand off the BEST WINE to him, and he gives you a strangely knowing nod, before leaving to the HALL.

Not wanting to be alone with GATO, you put a knife in your pillowcase and leave to the COURTYARD, where you notice a PILE OF UNDERWEAR, a PILE OF BEDDING, a BROKEN WALKWAY, and a disgruntled MAURICE in a raincoat, carving words into the ground.

Also there's a tree on fire. Wonderful.

Slipping into the LIBRARY, you see KOKICHI reading. The room reeks slightly of PISS. KOKICHI is continually shooting glances at a certain bookshelf, so you flip him off and investigate it. The SHELF swings open, much to the dismay of the scowling KOKICHI. You enter, and find yourself in a passage up to the STUDY, where APOLLO is leaving with some LADDERS and a PLATTER in his hand.

You leave down to the SUPPLY ROOM through the STUDY STAIRS and the wine fumes are starting to get to you, so your vision gets a little hazy. You see someone missing a hand and carrying a CHAINSAW and PASTA SAUCE leave the SUPPLY ROOM, along with a crying man on the floor, and you go in and quickly put some BLEACH in your PILLOWCASE.

You slip back up to the STUDY, where there's no need to search for secrets, as you already found the passage. You quickly go shower.

You head back downstairs and loop around through the TROPHY ROOM, passing ARCHER_EST, headed the opposite way. You grab a SHOTGUN while there, and notice that there's a lopped-off hand in the TROPHY CASE, giving the middle finger.

Tasteful.

You go upstairs and head to bed, passing JOHN FREEMAN, accompanied by someone in a SHEET. He has a rocket launcher.
You enter your room, and quickly realize your pillow is filled with JIZZ. Disgusted, you throw it on the floor and sleep without it.

You wake up and prepare yourself to be a big fucking idiot.

You get yourself nice and wet with WATER, then dry yourself off just a bit with your BLANKET. Once that’s done, you pour some BLEACH in the now-empty water bottle, piss in it, and cork it back up before you FUCKING DIE. Now that that’s out of the way, you throw it in your PILLOWCASE along with the BLEACH BOTTLE. Finally, before you exit, you throw your clothing to the BOOGEYMAN and strike a deal.

He seems to get the gist of it.

Satisfied that the HALL is empty, you run over to the PORCH and run around a bit to build up speed. In the COURTYARD below you, you see ANGIE, a person with a name no longer than five letters, and a CRYING MAN. You MAJESTICALLY LEAP over the PORCH to the OTHER PORCH, and while you’re in the air, you see one of those people enter the OUTHOUSE.

Landing safely, you look around to make sure no one is around. Satisfied, you look in DRAKU’S ROOM to see if anyone is inside. No one is, so you hurl the BLEACH bottle inside, and set your DOOR TRAP up. You notice he has a CARD on the ground advertising his PARTY. You steal it.

You head back out to the PATIO as you see APOLLO coming up the stairs, with a COVERED PLATTER in his left hand. Out on the PATIO, you realize that no one in the COURTYARD or OPPOSITE HALL is really paying attention. You LEAP again, and nail the landing on the other patio. You exit, and see KOKICHI sticking NORTH KOREAN PROPAGANDA to his door, a puddle of WHISKEY at his feet, while TURB is going down the stairs in WINE STORAGE, his back to you.

You go down behind him, passing MONOKUMA and EL NEGRO, the former of which follows you, while seeing someone come up the stairs on the other side of the hall, and without warning, a WINE BOTTLE falls down from the RON JEREMY ROOM HOLE ahead of you and starts spewing toxic fumes burning your skin and eyes.

You keep going, but you feel faint. Unable to turn back and get wine because of the FUMES, you continue into the DINING ROOM, passing YUNO, then the COURTYARD, where a KLANSMAN is yelling "HALLOWEEN VIDYA PARTY AT THE PARLOR, WHO WANTS TO GET FUCKING WASTED?!”

Deviating from your original plans, you check out the CONSERVATORY for secrets, and you find a PASSAGE. Following it, it leads up to a vent in the SHOWER, big enough to crawl through. You head to the PARLOR, where a KLANSMAN, a BANANA-CLOTHED GATO, and ANGIE are having the lamest fucking party, which MONOKUMA, still behind you, joins in on.

You grab your WHISKEY, put one bottle in your PILLOWCASE, and leave for the FOYER, chugging the other. Once inside, you look around and see nothing really secret going on. But who fuckins knmdows because youre all sorts of smashED.

You stmumble into the torphy room and grab the elyk hand which is a high five now for some reasfon .

You then stumbl back up to your room and see fuckin kokichi draggin a body and hes all bloody and shit who fucking knows man

In a shocking twist of fate, you decide to fuck around like a moron all night.

Waking up, you douse yourself in WHISKEY and offer the BOOGEYMAN some. He happily chugs it down, but gets completely shitfaced because of it. You drop the EMPTY BOTTLE in your PILLOWCASE and going FAST you scrawl MEET ME IN RON JEREMY’S ROOM, I’LL BRING WHO KILLED GORDON FREEMAN on the back of the CARD and leave.

You start a WHISKEY TRAIL and leave your room, going normal speed. You don’t see anyone so you SPEED UP and dash across the WALKWAY, but slow down once you reach the other side, because a very scared KOKICHI is running out of the STUDY as you enter the SHOWER, You see a STATUE OF MARIO WITH A GUN in the STUDY near a MOTORCYCLE.

You shower for a bit, hearing a loud crash in the middle of it. You try to fill up the WHISKEY BOTTLE, which you get about halfway full. When you exit the SHOWER, you hear PRAYERS TO ATUA from ANGIE’s room and go over to DRAKU’s, which has NEGATIVE MAN and ARCHER_EST in there.

Fuck shit ass

Entering the STUDY, you pass APOLLO, now leaving the study with a PLATTER. You ask him what he was doing and he says that the PASSAGEWAY must be stuck and leaves. You notice that the MARIO STATUE is gone as well.

Because the room is EMPTY, you grab ART SUPPLIES and decide to see if APOLLO was right. Trying the PASSAGE, you must agree that it is indeed pretty fuckin stuck, but you have a solution. You WERE after all, in KG3. You back up, noticing the HALL is now empty, and SPEED RAM the PASSAGE DOOR. It comes open, even if it hurts your shoulder, and you descend the LADDER.

At the bottom, KOKICHI, looking scared again, runs fast as fuck past you and up the ladder. You flip him off and continue, grabbing the CANNONBALL. In the LIBRARY, you see that the entire room is absolute blackened to fuck, charred beyond belief. A CHARRED BODY sits in the middle of the room and a man in a BLACK TRENCHCOAT with a BLOWTORCH and can of something is leaving.

You freak out and run out into the COURTYARD, where MONOKUMA is lying in a daze in the wreckage of the WALKWAY. APOLLO passes you with a platter and enters the LIBRARY. You piss on a GRAVE then flip off ANGIE in the DINING ROOM, finally looping through the TROPHY ROOM and going up to throw the card in JOHN FREEMAN’S ROOM, which you do. He is inside, and gives you a weird look fuck

You wait outside your room for a while and enter when a bloody KOKICHI comes upstairs.

You then go to sleep.

For once in your life, you wake up and decide not to murder. Proud of you, buddy.

You pour your WATER on yourself to go fast, and make a REAL GORDON mask. It looks pretty good considering it was made in a bedroom by a waterlogged retard.You toss all your shit in your PILLOWCASE and leave.

You head to the WINE STORAGE and grab some CHEAP WINE, heading to the KITCHEN afterwards, passing MONOKUMA on the way, who heads up to WINE STORAGE. In the KITCHEN, you pour out the CHEAP WINE. JOHN FREEMAN comes tearing through on a MOTORCYCLE while you’re doing that.

You back out of the KITCHEN and through the PARLOR, where APOLLO is bloody and chanting something. You think he’s been spending too much time with ANGIE at this point, but whatever. You enter STORAGE and grab a CROWBAR, but while you’re in there, you hear CHOKING from under the floor.

Now that’s fucking weird.

You go up to TWO_FINGER’S ROOM, and drag GORDON FREEMAN inside from outside of DRAKU’S ROOM. You chop open the MATTRESS and slide him inside the bottom. Once that’s done, you head out. The whole place is vaguely eerie, a feeling not helped by the weird dude in a DEER MASK carving letters into ANGIE’S DOOR. He turns and stares at you with hollow eyes, which freaks you out so you run the fuck downstairs.

No one seems to be around, so you go to JOHN FREEMAN’S ROOM and burst down the door, saying "John Freeman you let next boss step on me and made me headcrab zombie. Combines came and put science in me and made me live and strong and big now I make you and Henry Freeman headcrab zombie. Prepair to die"

He of course, charges at you with a motorcycle so you ALSO run the fuck downstairs. It’s really not your day.

You decide to say fuck it and go to bed.

You wake up, and as is the standard for a man of your calibur, you immediately douse yourself in water and put on a ridiculous costume, complete with CROWBAR.

With your PILLOW CASE in hand, you make sure the HALL is empty, then leave and piss into your WHISKEY BOTTLE OF POISON GAS, setting another DOOR TRAP as you do so.

You smash some shit fuck wine in the WINE STORAGE and put some good shit in your PILLOWCASE. You figure that now is the time to right the wrongs of days long past.

You go down to the KITCHEN now, where a KLANSMAN is making some anime shit on the table out of food and KOKICHI is angrily making grilled cheese, like holy shit he’s so mad bros. Anyway, you throw the KNIVES in your PILLOWCASE and do your classic wine bottle trick. You also grab some butter, for old time’s sake.

You flip KOKICHI off and go to the DINING ROOM, taking all the knives from right under the klan man’s nose. You then go out to the COURTYARD and into the OUTHOUSE PASSAGE. The BLEACH SHIT has appeared to have stopped producing gas, so you go in and grab ZIGGZAGG’S HELMET and his SWORD.

Leaving the way you came, you run into MONOKUMA in the COURTYARD, who looks angry. Maybe KOKICHI pissed him off, who knows. You pass him the BEST WINE, flip him off and continue into the JUSTICE LAW OFFICES, where ARCHER_EST is smashing the place to hell and back with a SLEDGEHAMMER. You JUMP IN PLACE but he smashes the BILLIARDS TABLES and you get kind of bummed out.

You sprint into the TROPHY ROOM and do a bit of property damage yourself. KOKICHI is already in there though, and he’s unloading a SHOTGUN into all the ANIMAL HEADS. He’s so fucking into it that you leave. You exit into the HALL and see YUNO lying dead in a puddle of blood.

Rest in fucking peace, can’t believe it took so long for the increased kill chance to die.

You climb the stairs and head to the WALKWAY, but on the way, the KLANSMAN lunges out of GATO’S ROOM and knocks you the fuck out for the night with a WINE BOTTLE.

You wake up, pissed off in the HALL, get yourself nice and wet, and enter RON’S ROOM, because the HALL is empty.

You change into your REGULAR CLOTHES, leaving GORDON’S on the floor, put on your HELMET, and butter up, because we /callback/ now, boys. You grab the HANDGUN, and memorize that it has FIVE BULLETS left, out of a maximum SIX. You leave the room and shit fuck that stupid mother fucker EL NEGRO sees you.

Aborting all hope of a murder plan that probably have failed anyway, you run down to the LAW OFFICES and grab some WHISKEY. On your way through the TROPHY ROOM, you notice that YUNO’S CORPSE is sitting on top of a STUFFED BEAR, burning.

You pocket a GUN, then take TWO WHISKEYS from the LAW OFFICES.

You go upstairs, pour one out for your BOOGEYMAN, then go downstairs to the KITCHEN, passing EL NEGRO, who is going up, then pour out your whiskey, then refill all your BOTTLES.

Entering the COURTYARD, you see ROBOT PARTS lying around, as well as a blown-up OUTHOUSE. You draw your FINAL DESTINATION, and when you notice someone watching from the PATIO, you stab KOKICHI’S DEAD BODY, which sits in the middle of the COURTYARD with your sword, piss on the ORCHARD, grab an ORANGE, then go upstairs again.

“Discovering” the BOOGEYMAN blocking your door, you move him, close the door, and sleep.

You wake up with a groan. For once in your fucking life, you didn’t submit an essay, and something about that feels… off.

You pour WATER on yourself and lightspeed make a KOKICHI MASK, then grab your EMPTY BOTTLE and PILLOWCASE, and sneak into KOKICHI’S ROOM.

You put on his clothes, then leave. EL NEGRO is out in the hall, so you do a laugh and enter JOHN FREEMAN’S ROOM. He is sound asleep, and you take his clothes. You also take EL NEGRO’S CLOTHES and the GORDON CLOTHES from RON’S ROOM.

You exit and go downstairs and through the LAW OFFICES,where APOLLO is saying some LAST RITES, then up to the WEST HALL, where you speed the fuck up and take all the clothes of the LIVING PLAYERS. Finally, you go into the SHOWER and speed down to the CONSERVATORY.

You enter and see ARCHER_EST saying something next to a DIRT MOUND, and APOLLO bidding farewell to KOKICHI’S BODY. You rip the sword out and decapitate KOKICHI, then go to the KITCHEN.

The KITCHEN is completely burned out, and a twisted, burnt corpse is lying on the ground. Stepping around it, you fill up your BOTTLE, then head up to bed, seeing a KO’d EL NEGRO on the ground in the hall.

In your room, you make MASKS of every player you stole from, using your speed, then go to sleep.

find all the attempts and win nothing

Enjoy.

NIGHT 1

I leave my camera looking at the glass walkway on top of a wall, then go to the supply room, grab a hammer so I can pretend to be repairing it.

While nobody's looking I'll try to weaken one side of the walkway after shutting down my camera, then get someone to walk there.

NIGHT 2

In my room, I start writing a resume of the things found earlier in the camera, pointing out at the actions of Apollo, the beastly creature and the words that the man in a raincoat had wrotten in the grass.

After that, I go to the Wine Storage and protect myself from any kind of attacks people want to throw at me, putting up a hidden camera in the room while pretending to drink some wine, alert for anybody.

In my pocket there's a baton for security, which I will use in case people attempt a murder on me.

The resume stays on my room, as the camera records the actions happening on the Wine Storage.

IF Kira goes in the Wine Storage: I warn him/her about the man in a yellow coat.
IF Apollo goes in the Wine Storage: I ask him why he knocked out the man in the raincoat.
IF 2F goes in the Wine Storage: I tell him to be more careful with his actions.
If they ask 'how do you know', someone else told me.

I will be careful if: John Freeman / Darko / Stir come in the room.

NIGHT 3

Writing down a rant about Kokichi and a tape showing how he dragged Gordon's body across the way, I put on a full black-coated disguise and I run towards John's room, leaving the evidence there as I go down to the supply room, put on some gloves and head to the trophy room, in where I grab a gun, a suppressor and take both with me.

Back on the second floor, I go inside of Maurice's and wait for him to come in on a hidden spot to later kill him with the shotgun. After that's done, I go back to the trophy room, grab a flamethrower and burn down the entire library and anybody in it, keeping my shotgun on the back in case anyone tries to kill me. Inside of the burning library I take down all of the evidence and head back to my room.

I also place my camera between the grass at the exit of the conservatory, looking at the whole courtyard.

NIGHT 4

I quickly run to the kitchen and place a camera in one of the corners, heading myself to Apollo's office afterwards.

IF APOLLO'S THERE: I challenge him to a round of darts. If I win, I ask him for safety. If I lose, I give him details about Kokichi. Then, I head back to the Wine Storage.
IF APOLLO'S NOT THERE: I head back to the Wine Storage.

On the Wine Storage, I inspect the Wine. If it's not poisoned or in a strange color, I drink it. After that, I check on John's room to see if he's read the note and tape I left him, going to the courtyard and see who's there. Once that's done, I grab a cookie from the jar of cookies in the kitchen and go back to my room.

If any of them show up, I'll be extra-careful: Kokichi Ouma, Draku, Archer_Est, Kyle's fucking ghost.

NIGHT 5

I wake up super early, writting on a paper saying "Investigate ZiggZagg's room." and left it in front of Kokichi's door while sprinting from my room to Apollo's, hurrying up to his office in order to take care of Negative Man. You see, I didn't get the chance of investigating it because I forgot and it's already over, but I know he's hiding something in there... I don't know what, but I can feel it. Fucker had a plan.

I throw his -already dead- corpse onto the trophy room and end his body with any gun I can find in there, afterwards I ask Apollo to play billiards.

Once that's done, I stay near him and talk about my camera and how I could protect him, saying I'm a security guard, leaving the camera on his table.

Done with Apollo's shenanigans I go to the kitchen and end the cookie jar's fucking LIFE by throwing it off the counter and took one from the floor, heading to the Wine Storage and mixing that cookie with wine in order to ressemble your true lord and savior Jesus Christ's water.

Heading to the passage between the outhouse and the supply room, I steal ZiggZagg's sword to cosplay Link from the Legend of Link and Zelda n shit and pretend to be a swordmaster, lifting it up and swinging the fuck out of it.

Going back to the trophy room, I kick Negative Man's already burnt, exploded, dead crispy body a little more and grab myself a SUPER SICK Nintendo Switch from Kyle's ex-room, which is now Yuno's, getting myself fucking Danganronpa V4 for the Nintendo Switch™: Fuck You Kokichi - Prepare to Die Edition's Sin.

And go back to bed.

NIGHT 6

I wake up, run the fuck out of my room to the courtyard and place my camera on one of the corners, drinking some orange jugga lugga from the kitchen and admiring the statue of chaika, taking off my shirt and putting it on the statue to make it look pretty.

Later on, I go to Apollo's office and kick Negative Man one more time to prove who's boss, going up to the Wine Storage and drinking some wine by putting my mouth on the handle because the wine's proclaimed by Jesus Christ and it's not allowed to be touched by anything else. Meanwhile, I look around and see who's there, being careful to not get killed in a super stealthy way.

I then go to the patio to look into the courtyard and try to stay safe from others, holding my security baton in my left pocket at all times.

After that, I go to bed.

NIGHT 7

I walk off with a pen, vandalize Barack Obama's painting to look like Apollo and put the camera on a corner of the wall, facing from Maurice's room to mine.

Afterwards, I walk off the stairs to the left of my room and go to the trophy room, grabbing Yuno's body and safely securing it in my room to avoid it being kicked.

Shortly after, I go through the same stairs to the kitchen, grabbing some sick oranges for me and Yuno while I grab some matches from the counter, heating up the oven's fire, attempting to make it strong so it later spreads. Running the fuck out of there I go to the Wine Storage, I dip the oranges in Jesus Christs's wine and go back to my room, dropping the oranges on the floor.

Going back down, I head towards the shack and grab some tools to remove (Apollo's) Obama's painting from its place, taking it down to the Law Offices and blocking the door with it.

Then I just go to bed, happy over my work of art, pretending Yuno exists while eating some oranges.

Night 1
I decide I'd like to take a look around my immediate surroundings, so I start walking toward the study, rummaging through some of the old books to see if there's any information on the house we're in, and just figuring out the layout in general. However, if someone comes in while I'm looking around I immediately hide myself away out of sight, or if anyone was in the study I wait to enter until I see them leave. I decide to take a stack of books from the study to my room.

Afterwards, I decide to check out the patios on both sides of the walkway, again not going out until the patios are clear of the others if there are people on them.

Lastly I check out the wine storage, same conditions as before, and take a bottle of expensive wine for myself back to my room. I do a quick check of the shower room along the way to make sure no one was watching me from there and head back to my room.

I decide later on to see if Negative Man is around and if he wanted to play some liar's dice before bed. If he is there, I'll ask him if he wants to play in my room for a bit.

If not, I head back to my room and stack a lot of books from the study in front of my door and go to bed. If I hear the books fall it will hopefully wake me up with the sound.

Night 2

Honestly my actions are gonna be pretty easy this time. I just want to hang out in the study and drink. If Angie is in her room I want to smash a bottle of wine against it along the way because she's annoying and Atua is a bitch, and if she's not, smash a bottle of wine on her door anyways. Why not. Maybe even kick down negative man's door along the way because it'll be funny. But yeah, I wanna drink in the study, maybe even in the trophy room as well if no one is there. Let's do that, yeah. And if I run out of wine I'll just kick down Angie's door then head back to my room, put the books back against the door again, and call it a night. I'll just see what happens again this time.

I just like bullying negative man tbh

Night 3

Well I don't actually have anything to hide so the incentive doesn't really mean anything to me. Instead tonight I'm gonna be defensive cause I have a really bad feeling about the others. I decide I want to stick with negative man or Maurice the entire night, accountabili-buddy if you catch my drift. The first one I find, that's who I stick with. I'd like to keep my perk's knife and mask on my person, hidden, but just in case. I start by going to the wine storage and getting a bottle of wine. Yeah we're drinking again tonight. After that I'll start with Maurice since I'm currently on his side of the house. I knock on his door and if he's there I'll ask if we can hang out and just follow him around for the night. Maybe do some investigations or some shit together. If not, I'll go track down Negative Man and follow him around whether he likes it or not because he doesn't get to argue. If NEITHER of them are available I guess I'll go track down Yuno and see if she wants to drink instead. Basically I just want to have someone in my sights at all times, as well as be in someone else's sights at all times. I'll follow them around until the night's over before heading to my room and checking my door before entering. If it doesn't look trapped I'll enter, look around my room, and go to bed. If it seems suspicious I'm gonna go hang out in the courtyard. Fuck that room.

Night 4

AFK LOL

Night 5

Not gonna be late this time, even though being late actually kinda helped with the last case. Anyways guess your gonna have to give me another downside cause I like investigating, not murdering. Unless I have to murder. Then I will.

So I'm gonna start by waking my ass up from wherever I got knocked out at, I believe that was the prayer circle on the patio. I'd like to start off by going to the supply closet and getting something that would act like a sledgehammer, or if there's a sledgehammer there I'll just get that. Then I'm gonna smash the living fuck out of Apollo's desk in his office. Because FUCK THAT DESK. Well, I'll only do that if he's not there. If he is there, then I'll just smash down Angie and Draku's door instead later when I'm done downstairs. Because why not, I'm feeling destructive today.

After my business in Apollo's office is concluded I'm gonna go to the kitchen and get a lit fucking dank glass of... water. After all this bullshit about putting bleach in wine I'm quitting the stuff. Oh yeah, and I'll bash down the door to the kitchen too. Just because I'm hype, let's gooooo. Oh yeah, and if Negative Man's body is still in the ritual circle then I'm gonna go smash it with a sledgehammer too. It's hammer time baby. I'll smash some god damn chairs as I go around why not.

I'll eventually get tired. Or bored. Whichever you decide. I'll go back upstairs and if I didn't smash Angie and Draku's door before, I will now. So I'll do that. Then after that if that fucking walkway is still intact then SMASH THAT SHIT DO NOT LET THE WALKWAY LIVE MORE THAN A DAY. But smash it from the edge of it so I don't fall off like an idiot. Aaaand yeah after that I'll go to my room and go to bed I guess.

ARCHER SMASH

Night 6

Really tying my hands here aren't you. And here I thought we had something special with me destroying all your stuff.

Alright well fine then. I'm going to leave my room a bit later than everyone else who is going to the courtyard for this dumb duel. I go to the supply closet to look for some thin but sturdy wire that has enough length to reach from the patio to the ground in the courtyard. After that I'll head to the justice offices and grab negative man's "corpse" or whatever is left of it, then I'll go to the trophy room and find a bowling ball (don't even think to tell me there's no bowling balls in KG when people can have bowling ball hands I don't habeeb it).

Taking these items I cut back through the house to the west hall, then up to the second floor west side and go to the patio. Now, assuming the patio has those weird railing with the gaps in between them I'm going to tie negative man's corpse around the bowling ball with the wire until it's not gonna come off, then dangle the wire down off the patio where it will hang by the entrance to the couryard by the law offices. My method is in place at this point. Of course, I'm doing my best to not be seen during this. After that I'll be ready to go down to the duel or whatever the fuck their doing with their "swords" that we all have to come watch for some fucking reason.

Now this is where it gets conditional so it's your call. The attempt is admittedly low-chance so it's highly unlikely to succeed, but it's an attempt nonetheless. My attempt will be:

1) MY ATTEMPT SUCCEEDS.

As I enter the courtyard via the justice office I'll subtly grab the wire that is dangling down and walk with it in my hand which will pull the negative bowling ball down from the patio and fall on... me. The weight of the ball and the height from which it fell should be enough to kill me if it hits me in the head. At that point it'll be a matter of investigation for the others and I don't have to go after anyone else.

2) MY ATTEMPT FAILS.

This is the lengthier one. I do the same thing as my "succeed attempt" where I'll grab the wire and subtly pull it, but it instead barely misses me and just lands harmlessly on the ground, maybe sending loose bits of negative man smoothie flying across the courtyard. Oh well. The attempt failed at that point, but that's still an attempt on myself. At that point if the duel is still happening or whatever the fuck is going on I'll be a good little medic person whatever and patch kokichi up if he gets fucked up. I want to obviously check any medical supplies for tampering, if it looks remotely fucked with I'm just gonna use water and gauze on him for any cuts, no sterilizing stuff. That'll be on him, I'll just get him moving again and that's that. I don't really get why he chose me and I don't really care but I'm not getting my hands bloody over this shit.

After all that shit, if I'm still alive that is, I'm going back to bed. I'm goin to my room, closing the door, and passing the fuck out.

Your move monokuma

Night 7

Well I'm actually surprised I made it this far but uh memes have gotten me this far, memes will finish the job.

I wake up SUPER FUCKING EARLY with two goals.
ONE: Smash that MOTHER FUCKING WALKWAY.
TWO: Perform a burial for the Negative Ball.

As soon as I wake up I grab my trusty HAMMER OF THE GODS (sledgehammer) and immediately smash the walkway. FUCK YOU WALKWAY. This is THE MOST IMPORTANT PART OF MY ACTIONS. THIS TAKES PRIORITY OVER ALL ELSE. DELETE THE WALKWAY WITH MY HAMMER.

Next, I sprint down to the courtyard where the Negative Ball should still be, pick it up, and take it to the far back yard (or wherever the most remote location of the yard is that I can access) and start digging a hole in the ground with my hands if need be. When it's deep enough, I'll bury the negative ball in it so it may someday sprout and grow into a negative ball tree and maybe this fucking ugly house will have something nice to look at hehexd.

After that, I'll say a couple lines in its memory. Something like "Here lies Negative Ball. It almost scored."

Theeeeen I'll go back to my room and go to bed.

No attempt from me, thanks.

CHAOS NIGHT

Fuck it it's go time.

I wake up ASAP. Like super fucking early. It's slasher man time. Maybe.

My plan is to sprint down to the headmaster's office, get inside, press the button, put on my MASK and pull out my KNIFE, then as I step out of the headmaster's office:

If I see someone near me, I'm charging them and STABBING THE LIVING FUCK OUT OF THEM. A knife to the chest, the jugular, whatever works and has the best chance of a kill. Preferably Apollo or Dude if I see either of them, but I'm not picky. Whoever is close when I step out, they're my target.

If no one is around when I step out of the office, I'm going hunting. For Apollo. I'll check his room first and if he's there, it's time for the knife. Just run up and stab him wherever has the best chance of ending him. Stab him a ton, who fucking cares, however I need to stab him to get him dead, that's how I stabbed him. If he's not in the room then I'll go looking for him, but I'll be careful not to run into the others. If by chance he's linked up with someone else, then fuck I'll stalk until I see him separated from the group. This is, of course, assuming that he hasn't hit the button yet. If he did then oh well, damn I guess. I'll just go hide in the art room I guess or something until daybreak and await my fate.

Here's to hopefully making it out alive.

-Exit room
-Wait until I see anyone else
-Rope them into spending half an hour praying to Atua with me. Anyone else who passes by during this timeframe is also required to pray to Atua.
-Don't murder anyone during the process
-Once the prayer circle is done, head into the study and pick up some paints
-Go downstairs and across through the parlor to the other side of 1F
-Head up to the other side of 2F and start painting on Obama's portrait to transform it into Obamatua. The form this takes is up to ARTISTIC INSPIRATION
-While there, don't kill anyone
-Paint on Kokichi's door to say "It's okay! Atua still loves you!"
-Head back downstairs through the lower stairs, head over and go up the other stairs
-Hop in bed
-Avoid committing any murders

-Wake up! Pray to Atua.
-Leave the room and head through the study, making extra careful to look at everything in it. Atua has told Angie that it will be important someday!
-Head downstairs from the study, and go into the courtyard
-Rope the first person I see into a prayer circle! Pray to Atua for a while.
-Go look in the outhouse after the prayer circle is done. See if there's anything suspicious in there.
-Once the outhouse is investigated, go into the parlor and challenge anyone who wants to face Angie at billiards! Atua will give her victory!
-Finally, head back towards Angie's room, stopping in the supply room to look for anything Angie might use in her future artistic endeavours! Take some cleaning supples back to the room.
-Go to sleep, dreaming of Atua's divine might!

-Wake up
-Be granted a VISION OF ATUA
-He appears in the form of Buffaloman and tells Angie that Turb's betrayal proves the only way to ensure people embrace Atua is if they go to him after death
-Embrace the will of Atua and use Mimic power to imitate an object, then move from the room to the study and hide as an Innocuous Object
-When someone goes in alone, attempt to smash them over the head with an object and kill them
-If it succeeds:
--Open window, dump body and weapon out window, then close window
-Whether it succeeded or failed, look out into the hallway while not moving and thus pretending to be inanimate, and when the coast seems clear run back into my room
-Wait about 20 minutes or so, unmimicing during this
-Pray loudly to Atua
-Leave room and go to Turb's room, collecting what he willed to me, then carrying it back to my room and leaving it there
-Exit and head back down by way of lower stairs
-Go to dining room, hold the nightly prayer circle
-When the prayer circle is over, go through the kitchen to the other Obama portrait, and paint it into a self-portrait of Angie. Atua and his loyal servant, what a pair!
-With that complete, go back through the parlor and throw darts for a bit, before going back to my bedroom
-If I successfully murdered, Angie strips naked and feeds her clothing to the boogeyman in return for him hiding that she left and returned the first time
-Go to sleep, happy over carrying out Atua's divine will for another day!

-Wake up
-Pray to Atua!!!
-Enter study
-Build fort with the available materials such that Angie is hidden from view from observers, take a couple books into the fort as well
-Activate mimic, climb out of the fort, head downstairs via the staircase
-Enter supply room, pour bleach into secret passage and piss on it to create toxic gas, slam the passage shut so it builds up, allowing it to poison anyone who tries to use the passage
-Return to study, climb back into fort, unmimic, riffle through books to make it look like Angie spent all her time reading them
-Leave study, head down to the western patio, hold prayer circle to Atua
-Head down the stairs, through the justice law offices, and into the trophy room
-Grab a gun, head to the Angie portrait, go through it and exit by way of the Atua portrait
-Head onto the eastern patio, wait for someone to show up in the courtyard, shoot at them and miss
-With that done, begin to head back to my room the long way (wine storage -> kitchen -> dining room -> courtyard -> law offices -> west hallway) carrying the gun
-First person I see, I headbutt them to knock them out and then leave the gun with them
-Return to bed by way of the west lower stairs

Angie has been given the chance to act by Atua.

It is time for her to take revenge.

All night, Angie will haunt El Negro! She will whisper the words of Atua in his ear, inform him of the horrifying fates that befall those who betray Atua, and otherwise make his life miserable. If he dies at any point, Angie will act by grabbing his soul before it can flee and hurling it into a thousand years of torment, using the power that Atua has granted her!

And then she will ascend to be by Atua's side once more.

>seal - Today at 10:15 PM

>how do i kill 45 minutes

>darko - Today at 10:15 PM

>submit it to monokuma

I will the painting of BARACK OBAMA to life, using the FORBIDDEN GHOST MAGIC, creating a new VESSEL of ELDRITCH FLESH for BARACK OBAMA'S SOUL to inhabit. If I had to describe how it would look, imagine it being kind of like summoning a DEMON, but it would also sort of like when the TERMINATOR appears from time travelling, except OBAMA reincarnates with a PRESIDENTIAL SUIT on instead of having his DICK out.

From here, I take an available GUN, FIREARM, or PROJECTILE WEAPON, and I find the nearest CLOCK, WATCH, or TIME-TELLING DEVICE in the facility. Between tasks, I stop anyone I see for a PRESIDENTIAL DEMON SELFIE using my CURSED GHOST iPHONE. Once I'm all set with the GUN/ETC and CLOCK/ETC, I proceed to SHOOT the CLOCK/ETC with my GUN/ETC, and then PUNCH IT, STOMP IT, HEADBUTT IT, ET CETERA as hard as I can until I BLEED TO DEATH or DIE FROM IMPACT TRAUMA or STARVATION.

Oh, man, I forgot my Attorney's Badge! Flashing that thing around is kinda my signature move; I'm going to need a replacement.
I'll check the STUDY to see if there's any art supplies. Hopefully they have some shiny paper, or at least some nice gold markers or something. I don't want to carry around some cheap hunk of cardboard with pen scribbled on it.
Once I have a badge I'll show it off whenever I meet someone. Money's been tight at the office lately and I need to get some new cases.

From there I'm going to head to the SHOWER room and practice my Chords of Steel vocal exercises. Showers always have great acoustics. I think 30 reps of "I'M FINE" in various voices should do it.

Last thing I want to do is head downstairs to the SUPPLY ROOM and see if there are any folding ladders. If there are I'm carrying them upstairs with me and tossing them through the glass walkway. Those things are an abomination.

Having realized there was no client to pay me for solving the last case, I decide to set up an interim office in the mansion. First I'll need to check the STUDY for more art supplies and make myself a sign. "Justice Law Offices" in a nice bold font should do. Something simple, but it should scream "if I go with this attorney I'll be FINE."

As I travel I'll have to Present my Attorney's Badge to anyone I meet.

With the sign, I'll make my way to the PARLOR. Now that the walkway is demolished there should be a lot more foot traffic down there. I'll hang the sign up near one of the doors so it's nice and visible.

Around that time I figure I'll get hungry, so I'll pop into the kitchen and make myself some delicious burgers, my favorite food. I'll have one and store another in my serving tray.

Actually, there's one last thing I should handle tonight. I'm going to head through the painting passageway and hide behind Atua. If Angie comes by, I'll put on my best Polynesian supreme deity voice and tell her "Enough with the prayer circles. I get it already." Hopefully that'll keep her from distracting me from work on future nights.

Job well done, I'll head back to my empty bedroom and curl up on the cold floor.

I'm going to take the STUDY SHORTCUT right into the LIBRARY. That Kokichi kid still hasn't reimbursed me for my legal council. Once I find him, I'm going to have some strong words. I'll need to explain the necessity of client-attorney relationships. The Japanifornian Legal Code, 6th edition has a lengthy section on contract law that I can read out to him.
I might have to throw the book at him if he gets too uppity. Maybe I'll just throw it near him. Yeah, that's probably better than assaulting a child.

From there, I'll head out to MY OFFICE, and murder whoever comes in!

At billiards! Haha, I wouldn't actually kill anyone. I am pretty good at pool, though. While we're playing I'll talk to my opponent about the value of an attorney and ask if they have a case they'd like me to work on.

After a bit of mingling with clients, I'm going to head up to WINE STORAGE and have a glass of chardonnay. These last few cases have been really stressful.
After that, I'm going to grab as many bottles of wine as my tray can hold. The burger is probably bad by now, so I'll just toss it down the hallway. On my way back to my room, I'll enter MY OFFICE and open a bottle. The plan is to pour a trail of wine on the floor from my office to the bedroom hall, somewhere around NEGATIVE MAN'S ROOM. These guys seem to like following trails of liquid, so maybe this will lead them right to the JUSTICE LAW OFFICES. That done, I'll take my well-deserved rest on the cold floor.

I need to pray for Mr. Leblanc. I'm going to find Angie and join in her prayer circle, pleading to Atua that Mr. Leblanc's soul may rest in peace.
Not sure if that's how the pseudo-Hawaiian afterlife works but it's a little late to do the research.

Following that I'm going to head to the KITCHEN and grab a knife, hiding it in my tray. I'll then head back to MY OFFICE to perform the ritual.

I cut my hand palm with the knife and make a fist to limit the blood flow to a steady trickle. Then I'll walk around the OFFICE drawing a pentagram on the floor with my blood. That done, I'll sit at my desk and begin chanting as loud as my overdeveloped vocal chords can manage. "SPIRITS, FREE YOURSELVES OF ALL REGRETS. DEPART FROM THIS MORTAL COIL AND EMBRACE THE AFTERLIFE. IT'S FINE." I plan to do this until I run out of energy.

I'd better get this one out of the way early.

Upon waking up, I'll head to the STUDY and make use of the secret passage to the ART ROOM. Once through, I'll exit the ART ROOM and grab the knife in the door.
If for whatever convoluted reason I'm unable to perform that action, I'll head from MY ROOM to MY DESTROYED OFFICE and grab a knife from there. Hopefully no one's taken the knives from there, but if they have I'll be forced to improvise a weapon. The shattered glass from the walkway will have to do.

Either way, once armed I'll enter the COURTYARD, knife drawn. I plan to stand in the west corner with my back to the wall, waiting for Mr. Ouma. Once he arrives, I'll make eye contact and yell "Here comes Justice!" At that point, the duel will formally begin.

Here how I anticipate it going:
Mr. Ouma will look to make the first swing, but my longer reach will keep him from moving in. I'll look to slash at his extended arm first, as it's the most readily available target. Mr. Ouma will likely realize this and not overextend his arm, instead making short careful strikes. We'll work ourselves into a rhythm, swing and miss, occasionally clashing blade against blade. I'll be going for body shots by this point. It's likely that both of us will end up bleeding profusely, as knife fights are rarely completely one-sided. Still, my logical approach should best him. Eventually he'll be too weak to grasp the knife and I'll knock it out of his hands. From there, I can move my blade near his throat, forcing him to submit. He'll fake a surrender, but reach for his knife. My bracelet will tighten in response to the deception, and I'll deflect the blow with my serving tray, knocking his weapon across the courtyard and leaving him fully defenseless.

In the end I'll just stab him.
There's no such thing as a friendly knife fight.

Oh, and if the kill does go through and I leave my knife in his body, I'll need to grab another one from MY OFFICE and hide it in my tray. Then, in MY BEDROOM I'll cover it in my own blood and put it back in the tray.

Things are heating up, I'd better find some way to defend myself!
First thing I'm going to do is walk down the stairs and offer a last rites for MY OFFICE. It served me well for several days, but it's headed off to the big office building in the sky. Rest in peace.

Next, I'm going into the KITCHEN and grabbing a bottle of grape juice from the fridge. I've heard it's good for your blood.

I'm going to walk through the ANGIE PASSAGE and hide behind the Atua painting, sipping my juice. If I see anyone walk by, I'm going to jump out and bop them on the head with the bottle.
Then I'll go back into the passage, finish the bottle and stash it in my tray. I'll hide out there for a while, then go back down and exit the Angie painting.

Lastly, I'm going to head into the COURTYARD, say a last goodbye to the bodies accumulated there, then take the ART ROOM SECRET PASSAGE to bed.

I'm getting out of here, no matter what.

First, I want everyone to know I'm serious. I'm taking the bottle of grape juice out of my tray, smashing it against the wall, and brandishing it as a weapon. If anyone tries to stop me, I'm gutting them with it. I can use my tray to defend myself if things get really dangerous.
But even the Steel Samurai would struggle to take down three crazed murderers with a juice bottle. I'd better head downstairs, through the STUDY PASSAGE, and head to MY FORMER OFFICE, grabbing the first knife I see.

From there, I'm moving to the SUPPLY ROOM to make my final preparations. Snapping a broom handle off at the head, I can duct tape my knife to it and fashion a spear. With my tray shield and broom staff, I'm going to make my final stand in the HEADMASTER'S OFFICE. I'm charging in, and if I see anyone I'm spearing them through the heart. Once inside, I'll hit the button and wait there. No one else is allowed in.

I'm getting out of here, no matter what.