FINAL NIGHT RESULTS
APOLLO JUSTICE wakes with a murmer, his eyes still heavy with the last vestiges of sleep. A weird mumble enters his ears, slowly becoming more audible. RON JEREMY'S DICK is floating by his head, speaking to him in it's owner's former voice, telling a long and hopefully fictional tale about how he violently fucked NEGATIVE MAN after taking him on a pathetic excuse for a date.
The DICK starts taunting him, calling him a bad lawyer, and APOLLO smashes his GRAPE JUICE BOTTLE against the wall before turning the broken glass on the DICK, gutting it.
Or at least as much as you CAN gut a dick. It's a dick.
On the other side of the hall, EL NEGRO wakes up, screeching in pain. A red stain spreads beneath his covers. With a whimper, he reaches down and confirms that he indeed has no dick.
Standing up, he hears constant condemnations in the voice of ANGIE YONAGA. She whispers of the ten thousand punishments that ATUA will rain down upon him for your transgressions. These rantings are quickly overtaken by the JOHN FREEMAN SONG, which floods his ears. He hears ANGIE sigh in the background.
As he goes to leave his room, with no dick at all, a HAMMER floats up from the ground and tries to attack him. Realizing that the rules dictate that GHOSTS CAN'T KILL, his GAME MECHANIC SHIELD protects him and sends DRAKU'S GHOST back to the underworld. He burns all of his SECURITY TAPES and leaves, seeing DUDE soaking wet, sprinting at inhuman speeds into JOHN FREEMAN'S ROOM.
He runs after DUDE and attempts to kill him, but DUDE is immune to his attacks, and threatens him with a ROCKET LAUNCHER, causing him to run away.
DUDE sighs, because his HELMET and SWORD were taken earlier that night, but the ROCKET LAUNCHER on his back reassures him. He activates his SUPER SPEED, which he totally has by the way, that's one of his role powers you fucking idiots. He then speed out to the PATIO and LEAPS OVER THE BROKEN WALKWAY, having built up a stupid amount of speed.
APOLLO emerges from the SUPPLY ROOM, having fashioned a SPEAR out of a KNIFE and a broken BROOM HANDLE. He faces the HEADMASTER'S OFFICE and charges in spear facing forward, as a figure in a HOCKEY MASK with a KNIFE emerges, and charges him in return.
In the HALL, they collide, APOLLO'S SPEAR skewering the masked man as he lunges.
With a sickening, bloody gurgle, and a few last, desperate attempts at stabbing, the MASKED MAN slumps down dead, APOLLO'S SPEAR still sticking through him. APOLLO breathes a sign of relief, as his pants inexplicably fall down and are whisked away, a familiar, annoying laugh echoing through the air as they float towards the JUSTICE LAW OFFICES.
APOLLO moves forward and takes the mask from his dead assailant, revealing their true face.
ARCHER_EST has died.
APOLLO shakes his head and stands, moving towards the HEADMASTER'S OFFICE. Suddenly, he hears a yell, as DUDE charges out of the STUDY and fires a ROCKET at him, blowing APOLLO to shreds.
APOLLO JUSTICE has died.
Meanwhile, EL NEGRO enters the JUSTICE LAW OFFICES. At some point, the decapitated body of KOKICHI has begun following him inexplicably. In the OFFICES, he sees TURB'S CORPSE, throwing a CANNONBALL onto one of the tables, smashing it. TURB explains that he was playing BEER PONG, and asks you if you want to listen to DEATH GRIPS.
PANTS float by just then, and into the COURTYARD, causing the HEADLESS KOKICHI to salute.
EL NEGRO shrugs and an EXPLOSION rings out. He quickly runs past the ghosts, and into the HALL. A gory mess covers the walls, and ARCHER_EST's body is lying there, still SPEARED.
EL NEGRO runs into the HEADMASTER'S OFFICE, noticing a terrible smell, and is attacked by a KNIGHT, but swiftly dodges, as the KNIGHT returns to standing rigidly by the door. EL NEGRO turns to the button, and comes face to face with DUDE, who kicks NEGATIVE MAN'S GHOST out of the way and presses the button ominously.
DUDE glances at his weapons, then at EL NEGRO. The latter does the same.
They both received perks that made them immune to attempts from a person of their choice, due to their attempts last night.
They both chose each other.
DUDE throws his ROCKET LAUNCHER onto the ground and curses, as EL NEGRO steps forward and presses the BUTTON.
When daybreak comes, the FOYER doors pop open, and the two emerge into the outside world, passing a SALUTING KOKICHI CORPSE.
DUDE AND EL NEGRO HAVE WON THE MINUS WORLD KILLING GAME 4
living players
@Dude
@El Negro
...Well. That was certainly unexpected.
It looks like not only one stupid murderer, but TWO stupid murderers survived tonight! What? Dude didn't murder? Incorrect! Dude totally killed GORDON FREEMAN!
Anyway, there we have it, folks. The Minus World Killing Game 4: Advanced Halloween Remaster has come to an end! I can't believe El fucking Negro won, but hey! That's what happens when you don't go kill him, I guess!
This also makes DUDE our first ever multi-killing-game winner! I can't believe it, *sniff*, he's grown so much since his Night 2 murder days...
Anyway, that's that! I'll be seeing you all again eventually, but for now, just remember that Atua isn't real, kids!