(shout out to @Fun with Despair for providing me with this!)
So I have an interesting fic today. I legitimately can’t tell if it was written with serious intent, or if it’s just a simple shitpost. I wonder this because this Pokemon x Homestuck crossover is filled to the brim with grammar typos and spelling errors so bad, they’ll make you think you’re dyslexic. But at the same time it’s obviously the main draw of the story, so since I can’t make this review do it justice without making it an barely understandable mess, I seriously recommend that you read the fic for yourself (but don’t leave this review either, I need income somehow). With that said, enjoy the ride.
The hero of our story is the young Ash Ket-I mean, Dave Stdider, who just “pickiced” up a phone call from his favorite professor Oak. Instead of asking what his gender is, Oak asks that Dave comes to his laboratory to choose his first “pokermon”. Unfortunately, Dave doesn’t bother to change out of his “pajamass” and shows up late, and due to this, all the Pokemon have already been taken. Lucky for him, Oak’s feeling generous, and he lets him take one Pokemon from the “pokerdex” to use on his “advenure”. So yeah, so far this may seem like an exact retelling of the Pokemon anime (just with a cool dude with sunglasses instead of Ash), but it’s about to go waaaay more askew than that. For you see, Dave decides to play on God Mode and chooses the legendary Pokemon Groundon-oh sorry, “GROUNDOON” as he’s always called, all caps and everything. I swear I never cease to laugh whenever I read that name. Before “dvea” goes out to raise hell on Kanto, Professor Oak warns him to stay away from the evil Team Bad, consisting of Jack and Kitkat/Karkart/Kitkar (seriously, it changes every time). Dave astutely assumes that he can’t be champ if he’s dead, so with Oak’s warning in mind, his adventure begins.
On Route 1, Dave’s GROUNDOON is busy killing “ratatatas” with Fissure when Kitkat shows up and introduces herself as a member of Team Bad. Right off the bat, Karykat plays the “screw the rules” card and summons a Digimon. Dave rightly says it isn’t fair, but Karkrt absolutely destroys him by replying with “yes it is”. Suddenly, Dave looks behind him and sees Will Turner from Pirates of the Caribbean. Yyyyep, this isn’t even close to just Pokemon x Homestuck anymore. Will, who believes Pokemon battles are for chumps, runs up to the “diginmon” and stabs him with his sword. However, Karkart won’t give up so easily, and he then tries to run over a ten-year old with his car, but he dodges at the last second and Kitkat crashes into a Convenient Wall of Conveniency. Even though Kitkat was probably paralyzed, Dave comes to the conclusion that he got away, but regardless, Will becomes the first member of his “perty” because he thought Dave was cool like that. Meanwhile at Team Bad HQ (not specifically stated but my headcanon is that they meet up behind a Chuck E Cheese dumpster), Jack says that Katrack is too weak and that he would handle Dave and Will himself, but in the meantime, Kitkat should activate “DA PLAN”. And in case you were wondering, there’s no Meowth ripoff here to speak off, so hallelujah to that.
The heroes arrive at Cerulean City, where they hope to win their first badge. Instead of finding Misty, like a normal Pokemon series, their first gym leader battle is against who else but Link. We don’t get a Will vs Link sword fight, but the actual battle is more underwhelming than that: but really though, how else would a Scyther fare against the almighty GROUNDOON? Faster than he could “most ambitious crossover”, Dave earns his first “bage”.
When Dave and Will get to Moon Mountain Cave, Dave was looking forward to catch some wild “pokmon”, but alas, it is too dark...until the god of thunder Thor appears (I can practically hear Sudo retching in the distance…). He says to them “all sexy like”, because after all age is just a number to gods, that he would give the adventurers HM Flash. Thor disappears “becuz he was a god and culd do thar”, Dave teaches GROUNDOON Flash, and the cave lights up….only to reveal that pesky “jcak”. It turns out that it was a trap all along, and he shows off his sick teleportation skills to get behind them and pull a lever, releasing a net right on top of Dave, Will, and GROUNDOON. Jack gloats that they can’t get the next badge if they can’t move, and he disappears, “laffing” maniacally. Will says that he can call Officer Joy for help because “she is a police”, but Dave refuses, thinking they don’t have enough time. He commands GROUNDOON to use Flash Ex Machina, and the net is “desoyed”. Thank god, that really had too much soy sauce on it. They finally leaving the cave, rushing to get to the next badge quickly. Back at Team Bad HQ, “jcak” has been watching the events play out on his TV, and he’s less than ecstatic when he sees they escaped. Katkit pitches in with a new surefire plan, which is taking away what matters most: Dave’s true love. Will this new scheme to kidnap Dave’s waifu be the end of the hero’s journey?
...Well, that’s something I won’t be giving away, considering there’s still 22 chapters left, but I think I covered enough to get the point across. What looks like another ho-hum trollfic actually has some hidden depths in the guise of a competent story. Besides the asspulls that happen every chapter, this could actually pass as a decent narrative without the atrocious spelling and grammar; the characters rarely go out of character, Team Bad is a genius expy of Team Rocket, and there’s even some hint of personal character arcs that become more evident as the story goes on. Once again, I highly encourage you to read this actually hilarious fanfic, if only for how batshit insane it gets. If you’ve always wanted to see Dry Bowser in a battle of the bands or Nickelback and Rocky Balboa participate in a murder mystery, then this story may be your cup of tea for you and your incredibly niche tastes.
So I have an interesting fic today. I legitimately can’t tell if it was written with serious intent, or if it’s just a simple shitpost. I wonder this because this Pokemon x Homestuck crossover is filled to the brim with grammar typos and spelling errors so bad, they’ll make you think you’re dyslexic. But at the same time it’s obviously the main draw of the story, so since I can’t make this review do it justice without making it an barely understandable mess, I seriously recommend that you read the fic for yourself (but don’t leave this review either, I need income somehow). With that said, enjoy the ride.
The hero of our story is the young Ash Ket-I mean, Dave Stdider, who just “pickiced” up a phone call from his favorite professor Oak. Instead of asking what his gender is, Oak asks that Dave comes to his laboratory to choose his first “pokermon”. Unfortunately, Dave doesn’t bother to change out of his “pajamass” and shows up late, and due to this, all the Pokemon have already been taken. Lucky for him, Oak’s feeling generous, and he lets him take one Pokemon from the “pokerdex” to use on his “advenure”. So yeah, so far this may seem like an exact retelling of the Pokemon anime (just with a cool dude with sunglasses instead of Ash), but it’s about to go waaaay more askew than that. For you see, Dave decides to play on God Mode and chooses the legendary Pokemon Groundon-oh sorry, “GROUNDOON” as he’s always called, all caps and everything. I swear I never cease to laugh whenever I read that name. Before “dvea” goes out to raise hell on Kanto, Professor Oak warns him to stay away from the evil Team Bad, consisting of Jack and Kitkat/Karkart/Kitkar (seriously, it changes every time). Dave astutely assumes that he can’t be champ if he’s dead, so with Oak’s warning in mind, his adventure begins.
On Route 1, Dave’s GROUNDOON is busy killing “ratatatas” with Fissure when Kitkat shows up and introduces herself as a member of Team Bad. Right off the bat, Karykat plays the “screw the rules” card and summons a Digimon. Dave rightly says it isn’t fair, but Karkrt absolutely destroys him by replying with “yes it is”. Suddenly, Dave looks behind him and sees Will Turner from Pirates of the Caribbean. Yyyyep, this isn’t even close to just Pokemon x Homestuck anymore. Will, who believes Pokemon battles are for chumps, runs up to the “diginmon” and stabs him with his sword. However, Karkart won’t give up so easily, and he then tries to run over a ten-year old with his car, but he dodges at the last second and Kitkat crashes into a Convenient Wall of Conveniency. Even though Kitkat was probably paralyzed, Dave comes to the conclusion that he got away, but regardless, Will becomes the first member of his “perty” because he thought Dave was cool like that. Meanwhile at Team Bad HQ (not specifically stated but my headcanon is that they meet up behind a Chuck E Cheese dumpster), Jack says that Katrack is too weak and that he would handle Dave and Will himself, but in the meantime, Kitkat should activate “DA PLAN”. And in case you were wondering, there’s no Meowth ripoff here to speak off, so hallelujah to that.
The heroes arrive at Cerulean City, where they hope to win their first badge. Instead of finding Misty, like a normal Pokemon series, their first gym leader battle is against who else but Link. We don’t get a Will vs Link sword fight, but the actual battle is more underwhelming than that: but really though, how else would a Scyther fare against the almighty GROUNDOON? Faster than he could “most ambitious crossover”, Dave earns his first “bage”.
When Dave and Will get to Moon Mountain Cave, Dave was looking forward to catch some wild “pokmon”, but alas, it is too dark...until the god of thunder Thor appears (I can practically hear Sudo retching in the distance…). He says to them “all sexy like”, because after all age is just a number to gods, that he would give the adventurers HM Flash. Thor disappears “becuz he was a god and culd do thar”, Dave teaches GROUNDOON Flash, and the cave lights up….only to reveal that pesky “jcak”. It turns out that it was a trap all along, and he shows off his sick teleportation skills to get behind them and pull a lever, releasing a net right on top of Dave, Will, and GROUNDOON. Jack gloats that they can’t get the next badge if they can’t move, and he disappears, “laffing” maniacally. Will says that he can call Officer Joy for help because “she is a police”, but Dave refuses, thinking they don’t have enough time. He commands GROUNDOON to use Flash Ex Machina, and the net is “desoyed”. Thank god, that really had too much soy sauce on it. They finally leaving the cave, rushing to get to the next badge quickly. Back at Team Bad HQ, “jcak” has been watching the events play out on his TV, and he’s less than ecstatic when he sees they escaped. Katkit pitches in with a new surefire plan, which is taking away what matters most: Dave’s true love. Will this new scheme to kidnap Dave’s waifu be the end of the hero’s journey?
...Well, that’s something I won’t be giving away, considering there’s still 22 chapters left, but I think I covered enough to get the point across. What looks like another ho-hum trollfic actually has some hidden depths in the guise of a competent story. Besides the asspulls that happen every chapter, this could actually pass as a decent narrative without the atrocious spelling and grammar; the characters rarely go out of character, Team Bad is a genius expy of Team Rocket, and there’s even some hint of personal character arcs that become more evident as the story goes on. Once again, I highly encourage you to read this actually hilarious fanfic, if only for how batshit insane it gets. If you’ve always wanted to see Dry Bowser in a battle of the bands or Nickelback and Rocky Balboa participate in a murder mystery, then this story may be your cup of tea for you and your incredibly niche tastes.
