This post was last modified: Aug 5, 2018 at 2:19 AM by Snufferin Snagglepuss.

So the memes that I took from the previous suggestion thread were:
Piss Knife
Playground Reviews
Necromancer summons a bear that vores them.

Before I start, here was the current party: Vampire, Bard, Necromancer, Rogue, Wizard, Fairy, and Ninja. Character refers to the unidentified NPC.
Here's how it went:
Fortunately for memes the party had recently found a magic knife that was potentially cursed, and they failed to identify it. At the start of the session this knife started leaking/coating itself in Piss. The character holding this, Vampire, was asked to check their perception. They noticed the smell of ammonia but not from where it came. They decided to ignore it and continued with their quest. Their Master of the House had vanished and in her place was a strange girl. The Vampire, Ninja, and Necromancer were all very concerned as the head of the house was an important charge to them.
What had really happened was the Rogue procured an item, a stuffed animal with a 66% chance of being cursed. As logic dictates he gave it away to the superior and it promptly ate the Master of the house while they were out exploring, stealing their body and slightly altering their form. Because the Rogue initially took charge of the stuffed animal and even cleaned it before turning it over to the Master of the House causing the cursed item to imprint on him. That's all the backstory.

So the trio of Vampire, Necro, and Ninja begin trying to question the stranger who has taken the place of their Master. The character responds with blank emptiness, remaining in an inactive daze until their imprint comes by. They proceed to move into the study. The smell of ammonia continues to permeate the air, but again the Vampire fails and can't pinpoint it. The begin some futile questioning as the figure gives no response until the Vampire, who has no morales, attempts to steal the unique heart shaped necklace around their neck. They are stopped by the Ninja who pulls them back doing so they put their hand on the Vampire's pocket. It feels wet. As per common Ninja nature, they attempt to determine the nature of the substance... by taste. I've never been more happy to see a nat 1 in my life. They taste it. No clue what it is. Their curiosity shifts from the strange newcomer, to this growing stain in the Vampire's pocket. The necromancer slightly metagames and decides to summon a minion to check the nature of this stain rather than check themselves. So I have them make a skill check and give them... An undead bear, one with flesh falling off, the usual. The bear sniffs the stain and I have them roll a Wisdom Saving throw. Obviously it isn't the best and fails, succumbing to confusion as to why it was summoned to sniff piss off a vampire. The necromancer then realizes they can't talk to bears and has no idea how to relay any information. The Vampire begins to be a huge wuss and refuses to reach into their pocket and fail to remember the knife. The Ninja decides the bear was a failure, and takes another lick. They pass, much to their horror, and I give them an obligatory Constitution save. They pass and keep their lunch in their stomach (which was piss) but keel over retching. The Vampire begins to argue that it can't be him because of course Vampire's do not urinate. The bear rolls on the confusion table and through maybe a rigged DM roll it attacks the nearest ally, the Necromancer, and goes for a bite. It misses and the trio stop being total nincompoops and jump the bear to slay it. It got of 2 claws and a bite before going down, so that's almost vore. (It counts). After all this time the knife is still in the Vampire's pocket now making their entire left side of the coat and below, piss stained. They take off the coat in frustration and call in the Bard. The Bard enters, a fellow of great talent but also provocative stupidity, sees the commotion and can't make heads or tails of it. They request him to use Mage Hand to empty their pockets. They do so, dumping all the stuff on the floor by the coat, which of course is now a puddle of piss. (Yes, they now have to drink potions that have been steeped in piss.) Finally the knife is procured and dripping yellow. Some unamusing bickering and arguing happens over this knife until they finally decide to toss it, just leaving it in the bathroom where piss belongs. I tried to convince them to use it, they refused.

Boring Time Skip of Actual DnD things

They return home from a successful side quest. The piss knife is still filling up the bathroom. The strange visitor is missing. They search the 1st floor of the house and find nothing. Moving up to the second floor they hear strange metal squeaking from their store room. Ignoring any potential for an enemy in wait they throw open the door and reveal a Large sized playground.



I'm a huge fan of the castle aesthetic and it's seriously big. Zachary's Plaground at Hawk Ridge really outdid itself.



The slides include glass while you go down so it isn't just a blind ride, the padding of the playground is colored to have a moat around it, and there is even a mountain in the back where you can pretend to draw the sword in the stone like King Arthur. Plus if you look closely, the murder holes along the walls are actually quite handy for assailing any intruders with pebbles you picked up and carried up the steps. I didn't see any meme wheel but I just assumed it was there because why not.

Now this playground I would personally rate 9.5/10. Granted I'm biased with the fort style and I love playgrounds where you can run off of unbarred edges and face plant into the gritty mat. Perhaps an excessively energetic kid would give it a 10, but I am a respectable and composed adult, so it's a 9.5.

So they see this strange contraption and just assume it's a strangely colored fort and within it is the character they are looking for. They dash in to apprehend the stranger and question them (Note: this is all the party). But the gate of the playground drops, blocking them from entering.

Now I have to bump my rating up to 10/10, what kind of playground has a functioning gate? Also the moat was an illusion so it even looked realistic. Truly one of the more perfect playgrounds.

They siege this fortification and finally get in when the Ninja clambers up the climbing rock wall inside it and opens the gate. They rush in to see the character simply playing, with no regard to their efforts. They have a moment of discussion as to what they will do. I'll be honest, I didn't appreciate them not appreciating the playground like I do/did, so I have the character move over to the meme wheel and give it a sharp turn. The party glances over moments before the room begins to spin with the wheel. There was a lot of shouting at this point and someone tried to tell me this wasn't a real spell.


fuck you Rogue.


So now shit is topsy turvy and they're trying to apprehend this character. As much as I'd love to shitpost more they pulled together and did some pretty smart tricks with the spell Rope Trick, some acrobatics, and a few well placed pixie spells. They return the room to normal and take the character who is violently trying to get in contact with the Rogue. Certain that something bad will happen they do not allow this. They take the character downstairs and all pause in shock. The wheel actually turned the entire house upside down which includes the bathroom. There's piss everywhere. Remember that scene in Dr. Doolittle or w/e where he peeks in the bathroom?




They scramble trying to do... something. The fairy flies over to the knife and places it in a pocket dimension much to my disappointment. They then try to come up with some method of spells that will clean up the huge mess made downstairs (I only made unusual objects not flip, so their normal rooms were unaffected) until they finally accept that I'm making them clean this up with their hands. They all make passing roles except the Vampire that was trying to hold the character who becomes sickened and loses their grip on the girl. She dashes over before anyone can stop her and leaps at the Rogue, putting him in a big hug. Everyone tenses up waiting for something to happen... Nothing does until they all relax and the girls tears off the Rogue's cloak, slaps his chest and then I put my mic in my mouth and shout

"THAT'S SOME GOOD SHIT, HMM MMH"
(Thank you Toto for the *wonderful* video meme.)

I left them on that cliff hanger.

>the abrupt playground review in the middle

fucking turb making knives unusable even in the fantasy realm