So I’m probably going to be lynched for this opinion, but before I suddenly stopped watching it, I thought Rick & Morty was a decent little show. Towards the end, I started to think Rick was a pretty insufferable character, partly because of the fact he never loses despite his terrible personality, but the quirky humor helped me hang on. Perhaps the infamous fanbase is the reason why I dropped off from this show, and this fic might possibly be an extension of that. As always, you can read the fanfic here.
Morty walks in on his grandpa fulfilling his daily routine of fiddling in his workshop. Rick’s glad to see him, as he has another nifty invention to show his grandson; inspired by the cable box that let their television connect to channels from infinite realities, Rick has made a TV remote-looking device that inserts them into any cartoon plot in existence (except the one where Rick is a good character THANK YOU AND GOODNIGHT). Rick turns the machine on, and unfortunately instead of transporting them to a show where they would get absolutely curbstomped like, say, Evangelion, they end up in the universe of...well, look at the second part of the title. In particular, they find themselves in an ominous mansion with purple mist and floating Japanese characters everywhere. At the top of the long staircase next to the pair emerges a very muscular man with blonde hair and flamboyant clothing...man, Guy Fieri got seriously ripped! Just kidding, it’s Dio.
Dio, surprised to find invaders in his mansion that aren’t part of Jotaro’s crew, assume that these normal humans didn’t show up for a fight, otherwise they would have been killed by one of the many Stand users around the mansion. The 120 year-old vampire’s especially interested in Rick, who showed indifference to his appearance rather than fear or shock like most people do. Rick asks him to do some “crazy anime shit”, which Dio does by using ZA WARUDO to appear in front of Morty in an instant. He asks if the frightened boy is a minion, and Rick realizes that he agrees with him. Morty, understandably having nothing wanting to do with this shit, demands to be taken home, which Rick obliges with. And now, it’s just the sociopathic, maniacal monster and Dio.
Dio launches a monologue about how he plans to take over the world, but the Joestars and their friends are actively tracking him down with an intent to kill him. Rick understands his dilemma of “a bunch of asshole trying to stop you from living your life the way you want to and getting shit done”...and then asks if his enemies are in the government. I for one am sharing Dio’s cringing, right now. Dio goes on and says the only thing stopping him from killing them directly is the scar around his neck, a souvenir from when he committed grand theft Jonathan back in the 19th century. Rick hatches an idea, and he takes a quick trip back to his lab to grab a strange spray bottle. He sprays the liquid at Dio’s neck, and his wound appears to be completely gone. Dio then realizes that he has potentially found an equal, in both intelligence and cunning, and he gives Rick a proposition. Be afraid, reader, be very afraid.
Rick is now curious at “Count Chocula’s” proposal, and Dio explains that the other weakness he has is his inability to be in sunlight; Rick says he probably has something that can patch that up. Getting more and more excited, Dio offers Rick the chance to defeat the Crusaders for him. Rick asks what he can get in return, and Dio says he can give him not only a Stand but also, more horrifying for us than the fictional world, eternal life. Rick accepts, and a new dynamic duo is formed. Dio’s first task: stabbing Rick’s neck with an arrow. Sadly, this doesn’t kill the bastard, but it was rather a test; by surviving this, Rick passed the conditions needed to form his very own Stand. Just to make sure, Dio makes ZA WARUDO punch a few pillars, and Rick very much sees it. Rick is also able to instantly identify his ultimate time stop ability, having experienced something similar, but he warns that if Dio fists people in stopped time for too long, it could cause time to get unstable. That could explain how Dio can talk in stopped time for 4 minutes, even when he clearly states it only lasts up to a few seconds at a time. Anyway, Dio, having no idea what Rick’s going on about, explains how he can summon his Stand, saying it’s just a manifestation of his psychological energy, which Rick calls “hippie-dippie.” Finally, Rick conjures up his stand, a ZA WARUDO-like figure with bug eyes, a mosquito mouth, hair similar to Rick’s, and gigantic arms and hands. Kind of want to see the fanart now….
Rick then sets out to see what abilities his Ricksona has. It punches a pillar, but instead of crumbling, the Stand spawned a purple portal on it. It then attacks another pillar, summoning a second portal, and as Rick puts his hand through this portal, he finds that comes out the other portal; basically, it’s like the Portal game (and now I never want to say the word “portal” again). Dio interrupts his experimenting to give him his first target: the MILF-hunter himself, Noriaki Kakyoin. He explains that he was recently hospitalized after suffering an eye slicing from one of his Stand users (implying that this takes place not long after the N’Doul arc). Rick states no objection to killing a blind person straight out of high school, and doesn’t pay much attention to Dio’s warnings about Kakyoin’s strength and his abilities. Though really, all he needed to know is that his Emerald Splash has the same accuracy as a blindfolded Stormtrooper.
Rick uses his portal gun to arrive at the Speedwagon Hospital, where he immediately kills and disguises as a guard. Rick eventually finds Kakyoin’s room and goes inside, but right before he could snap his neck, he’s suddenly hit by a barrage of emeralds. Kakyoin, now on his feet, exclaims that no one’s supposed to be right by his bed without asking, letting him know that Rick is the enemy. Nah, I’m pretty sure it’s there so no one can reenact Loss, it’s more common than you think. As he summons his Hierophant Green, Rick begins to form a plan. He smashes at some glass with a wrench, causing Kakyoin to fire an Emerald Splash in that direction and allowing Rick to get to the other side of the room. Seeing that Kakyoin’s blindly firing in every direction but up, Rick summons a portal on the ceiling to launch a jump attack on him with his stand. Take one wild guess what his battle cry is: “WUUUUBBA LUBBA LUBBA LUBBA LUBBA LUBBA LUBBA….DUB DUB!” This is the most cursed crossover. Anyway, although this doesn’t kill Kakyoin, it certainly leaves him unable to get up. Rick, having an eureka moment, places Kakyoin directly under the ceiling portal, and then opens up another portal under him; he’s stuck in a cycle of falling over and over through the two portals, gaining momentum every time. Finally, the floor portal closes, and Kakyoin falls to the ground, becoming an unrecognizable mess of blood and guts.
Right before the alcoholic could celebrate, an ethnic man in a red overcoat and bronze necklace opens the door: Avdol is absolutely pissed. He summons his Magician’s Red and uses Red Bind on Rick, chaining his wrists and ankles to the wall. This doesn’t seem to phase Rick, as he easily uses the portals to escape the bindings and punch Avdol through the wall, making him land outside. Rick jumps into a somersault, attempts a midair pose, and announces: “My stand, Get Schwifty, is gonna wreck your shit!” God.
Now that the battle has been moved to outside and Avdol knows about his Stand ability, he uses his Crossfire Hurricane Special attack to fire a dozen fireballs into the ground, creating a minefield. This way, there was nowhere Rick could move without being incinerated….not that it bothered him much. Rick opens up one portal on a spot with a fire mine and the other beneath Avdol, causing him to come out of the other portal on fire. While he’s screaming in agony, Rick throws his flask of alcohol behind him, igniting Avdol even more. So yeah, Rick killed two Crusaders within minutes….disheartening, to say the least.
Meanwhile, at a hotel nearby, Joseph Joestar receives several distressed messages from Speedwagon employees. He calls over the remaining Crusaders, Jotaro, Polnareff, and Iggy, and he uses his Hermit Purple ability on a camera to reveal 2 pictures, each showing a Crusader corpse with Rick somehow photobombing them. Their worst fears have been realized: a powerful and highly deranged minion of Dio is running amok. Acting emotional as usual, Polnareff rushes to the hospital for revenge. Back at Dio’s manor, Rick comes into Dio’s room to report the good news, only to find Dio in bed with his devout follower Enrico Pucci. Dio’s so classy, he can break a priest’s vow to never sleep with anyone. Rick awkwardly excuses himself out of the room, and Dio meets up with him a few minutes later, apologizing for what he just saw. Dio gets to explaining the remaining Crusaders’ abilities, but once again with Rick, it goes in one ear and out the other. Though seeing how he managed to eliminate Avdol with no knowledge of his powers, he figures his assassin will do just fine.
Rick arrives back at the hospital, cladding himself in his disguise again. When Polnareff comes in, Rick pretends to be scared out of his mind and tells the Frenchman his opponent went to hide in the nearby restaurant. Rick follows close behind him until he goes in his supposed hiding place, and when the time was right, he gives Polnareff a good punch into a toilet. Ah Polnareff, you and your bathroom obsession. Rick finds out Silver Chariot’s speed is almost too much for him, although his Stand’s armor manages to protect him from most damage. He opens up a portal behind himself and another on the ceiling, causing a charging Polnareff to fall to the floor, but Rick notices something strange; when Polnareff was falling from the ceiling portal, he seemed to be going in slow motion. Perhaps he’s able to change the speed of objects going through his portals?
To test this, he throws his flask into the portal behind him, and the crazy velocity of the falling flask hits Polnareff’s hand right off. An angry Polnareff is about to land his finishing attack; several copies of Silver Chariot are formed, and they start to go around Rick at an astonishing speed. However, Rick has a final attack as well. He replaces the ceiling portal with a portal directly behind Polnareff, and when Silver Chariot lunges, Rick dodges to the left so it could go towards the portal behind Rick instead. As he watched the Stand get stuck in the path created in the portal, he wills the portals’ travel speed to go faster and faster. Eventually, Silver Chariot is nothing but a blur, eventually becoming practically invisible. The whooshing sounds from the Stand grow louder until flame streaks appear on the ground, and both Polnareff and Silver Chariot. Where they go off to? Well…
At first, Polnareff is seeing nothing but black, but when he comes back to his senses, he finds out he’s back in Europe, only to see….himself? Opposite of the other Polnareff is a man with pink leopard-patterned hair, and a Stand with diagonal patterns and an angry face on its forehead: none other than Diavolo and his King Crimson.
So much for wondering how the hell Polnareff managed to travel to the future into Part 5, because the fic stops after this point, and considering the last update was in August of last year, I doubt it’s coming back. As much as I hate to admit it, this fic is...actually good? The author depicted the characters’ personalities and quirks rather well, and it feels like it could be a legitimate episode of Rick & Morty. However, there’s still moments like the wubba lubba dub dub battle cry and the Get Schwifty name that pulls me back from this story, so I’m interested and not interested in an update to this at the same time.
Morty walks in on his grandpa fulfilling his daily routine of fiddling in his workshop. Rick’s glad to see him, as he has another nifty invention to show his grandson; inspired by the cable box that let their television connect to channels from infinite realities, Rick has made a TV remote-looking device that inserts them into any cartoon plot in existence (except the one where Rick is a good character THANK YOU AND GOODNIGHT). Rick turns the machine on, and unfortunately instead of transporting them to a show where they would get absolutely curbstomped like, say, Evangelion, they end up in the universe of...well, look at the second part of the title. In particular, they find themselves in an ominous mansion with purple mist and floating Japanese characters everywhere. At the top of the long staircase next to the pair emerges a very muscular man with blonde hair and flamboyant clothing...man, Guy Fieri got seriously ripped! Just kidding, it’s Dio.
Dio, surprised to find invaders in his mansion that aren’t part of Jotaro’s crew, assume that these normal humans didn’t show up for a fight, otherwise they would have been killed by one of the many Stand users around the mansion. The 120 year-old vampire’s especially interested in Rick, who showed indifference to his appearance rather than fear or shock like most people do. Rick asks him to do some “crazy anime shit”, which Dio does by using ZA WARUDO to appear in front of Morty in an instant. He asks if the frightened boy is a minion, and Rick realizes that he agrees with him. Morty, understandably having nothing wanting to do with this shit, demands to be taken home, which Rick obliges with. And now, it’s just the sociopathic, maniacal monster and Dio.
Dio launches a monologue about how he plans to take over the world, but the Joestars and their friends are actively tracking him down with an intent to kill him. Rick understands his dilemma of “a bunch of asshole trying to stop you from living your life the way you want to and getting shit done”...and then asks if his enemies are in the government. I for one am sharing Dio’s cringing, right now. Dio goes on and says the only thing stopping him from killing them directly is the scar around his neck, a souvenir from when he committed grand theft Jonathan back in the 19th century. Rick hatches an idea, and he takes a quick trip back to his lab to grab a strange spray bottle. He sprays the liquid at Dio’s neck, and his wound appears to be completely gone. Dio then realizes that he has potentially found an equal, in both intelligence and cunning, and he gives Rick a proposition. Be afraid, reader, be very afraid.
Rick is now curious at “Count Chocula’s” proposal, and Dio explains that the other weakness he has is his inability to be in sunlight; Rick says he probably has something that can patch that up. Getting more and more excited, Dio offers Rick the chance to defeat the Crusaders for him. Rick asks what he can get in return, and Dio says he can give him not only a Stand but also, more horrifying for us than the fictional world, eternal life. Rick accepts, and a new dynamic duo is formed. Dio’s first task: stabbing Rick’s neck with an arrow. Sadly, this doesn’t kill the bastard, but it was rather a test; by surviving this, Rick passed the conditions needed to form his very own Stand. Just to make sure, Dio makes ZA WARUDO punch a few pillars, and Rick very much sees it. Rick is also able to instantly identify his ultimate time stop ability, having experienced something similar, but he warns that if Dio fists people in stopped time for too long, it could cause time to get unstable. That could explain how Dio can talk in stopped time for 4 minutes, even when he clearly states it only lasts up to a few seconds at a time. Anyway, Dio, having no idea what Rick’s going on about, explains how he can summon his Stand, saying it’s just a manifestation of his psychological energy, which Rick calls “hippie-dippie.” Finally, Rick conjures up his stand, a ZA WARUDO-like figure with bug eyes, a mosquito mouth, hair similar to Rick’s, and gigantic arms and hands. Kind of want to see the fanart now….
Rick then sets out to see what abilities his Ricksona has. It punches a pillar, but instead of crumbling, the Stand spawned a purple portal on it. It then attacks another pillar, summoning a second portal, and as Rick puts his hand through this portal, he finds that comes out the other portal; basically, it’s like the Portal game (and now I never want to say the word “portal” again). Dio interrupts his experimenting to give him his first target: the MILF-hunter himself, Noriaki Kakyoin. He explains that he was recently hospitalized after suffering an eye slicing from one of his Stand users (implying that this takes place not long after the N’Doul arc). Rick states no objection to killing a blind person straight out of high school, and doesn’t pay much attention to Dio’s warnings about Kakyoin’s strength and his abilities. Though really, all he needed to know is that his Emerald Splash has the same accuracy as a blindfolded Stormtrooper.
Rick uses his portal gun to arrive at the Speedwagon Hospital, where he immediately kills and disguises as a guard. Rick eventually finds Kakyoin’s room and goes inside, but right before he could snap his neck, he’s suddenly hit by a barrage of emeralds. Kakyoin, now on his feet, exclaims that no one’s supposed to be right by his bed without asking, letting him know that Rick is the enemy. Nah, I’m pretty sure it’s there so no one can reenact Loss, it’s more common than you think. As he summons his Hierophant Green, Rick begins to form a plan. He smashes at some glass with a wrench, causing Kakyoin to fire an Emerald Splash in that direction and allowing Rick to get to the other side of the room. Seeing that Kakyoin’s blindly firing in every direction but up, Rick summons a portal on the ceiling to launch a jump attack on him with his stand. Take one wild guess what his battle cry is: “WUUUUBBA LUBBA LUBBA LUBBA LUBBA LUBBA LUBBA….DUB DUB!” This is the most cursed crossover. Anyway, although this doesn’t kill Kakyoin, it certainly leaves him unable to get up. Rick, having an eureka moment, places Kakyoin directly under the ceiling portal, and then opens up another portal under him; he’s stuck in a cycle of falling over and over through the two portals, gaining momentum every time. Finally, the floor portal closes, and Kakyoin falls to the ground, becoming an unrecognizable mess of blood and guts.
Right before the alcoholic could celebrate, an ethnic man in a red overcoat and bronze necklace opens the door: Avdol is absolutely pissed. He summons his Magician’s Red and uses Red Bind on Rick, chaining his wrists and ankles to the wall. This doesn’t seem to phase Rick, as he easily uses the portals to escape the bindings and punch Avdol through the wall, making him land outside. Rick jumps into a somersault, attempts a midair pose, and announces: “My stand, Get Schwifty, is gonna wreck your shit!” God.
Now that the battle has been moved to outside and Avdol knows about his Stand ability, he uses his Crossfire Hurricane Special attack to fire a dozen fireballs into the ground, creating a minefield. This way, there was nowhere Rick could move without being incinerated….not that it bothered him much. Rick opens up one portal on a spot with a fire mine and the other beneath Avdol, causing him to come out of the other portal on fire. While he’s screaming in agony, Rick throws his flask of alcohol behind him, igniting Avdol even more. So yeah, Rick killed two Crusaders within minutes….disheartening, to say the least.
Meanwhile, at a hotel nearby, Joseph Joestar receives several distressed messages from Speedwagon employees. He calls over the remaining Crusaders, Jotaro, Polnareff, and Iggy, and he uses his Hermit Purple ability on a camera to reveal 2 pictures, each showing a Crusader corpse with Rick somehow photobombing them. Their worst fears have been realized: a powerful and highly deranged minion of Dio is running amok. Acting emotional as usual, Polnareff rushes to the hospital for revenge. Back at Dio’s manor, Rick comes into Dio’s room to report the good news, only to find Dio in bed with his devout follower Enrico Pucci. Dio’s so classy, he can break a priest’s vow to never sleep with anyone. Rick awkwardly excuses himself out of the room, and Dio meets up with him a few minutes later, apologizing for what he just saw. Dio gets to explaining the remaining Crusaders’ abilities, but once again with Rick, it goes in one ear and out the other. Though seeing how he managed to eliminate Avdol with no knowledge of his powers, he figures his assassin will do just fine.
Rick arrives back at the hospital, cladding himself in his disguise again. When Polnareff comes in, Rick pretends to be scared out of his mind and tells the Frenchman his opponent went to hide in the nearby restaurant. Rick follows close behind him until he goes in his supposed hiding place, and when the time was right, he gives Polnareff a good punch into a toilet. Ah Polnareff, you and your bathroom obsession. Rick finds out Silver Chariot’s speed is almost too much for him, although his Stand’s armor manages to protect him from most damage. He opens up a portal behind himself and another on the ceiling, causing a charging Polnareff to fall to the floor, but Rick notices something strange; when Polnareff was falling from the ceiling portal, he seemed to be going in slow motion. Perhaps he’s able to change the speed of objects going through his portals?
To test this, he throws his flask into the portal behind him, and the crazy velocity of the falling flask hits Polnareff’s hand right off. An angry Polnareff is about to land his finishing attack; several copies of Silver Chariot are formed, and they start to go around Rick at an astonishing speed. However, Rick has a final attack as well. He replaces the ceiling portal with a portal directly behind Polnareff, and when Silver Chariot lunges, Rick dodges to the left so it could go towards the portal behind Rick instead. As he watched the Stand get stuck in the path created in the portal, he wills the portals’ travel speed to go faster and faster. Eventually, Silver Chariot is nothing but a blur, eventually becoming practically invisible. The whooshing sounds from the Stand grow louder until flame streaks appear on the ground, and both Polnareff and Silver Chariot. Where they go off to? Well…
At first, Polnareff is seeing nothing but black, but when he comes back to his senses, he finds out he’s back in Europe, only to see….himself? Opposite of the other Polnareff is a man with pink leopard-patterned hair, and a Stand with diagonal patterns and an angry face on its forehead: none other than Diavolo and his King Crimson.
So much for wondering how the hell Polnareff managed to travel to the future into Part 5, because the fic stops after this point, and considering the last update was in August of last year, I doubt it’s coming back. As much as I hate to admit it, this fic is...actually good? The author depicted the characters’ personalities and quirks rather well, and it feels like it could be a legitimate episode of Rick & Morty. However, there’s still moments like the wubba lubba dub dub battle cry and the Get Schwifty name that pulls me back from this story, so I’m interested and not interested in an update to this at the same time.
