This post was last modified: Aug 11, 2018 at 9:26 PM by Snufferin Snagglepuss.

Here's week two of the DnD group being subjugated to all of these delightful memes. This weeks memes were;

MW Mage Alignment
Sudo NPC
Dude with a sword that rushes in and murders other random NPCs and then acts like he's completely innocent and points at other people who CLEARLY did it.

So here's the preface, we had a small group so we changed things up a bit and explored some other smaller quests. Our characters for today were; Mage, Pervert, Psychic, and Demigod. Mage is a straightforward magic user with the arch rival "Big Nose". Pervert is a yaoi fanatic with a sense for mercantilism. Psychic is an ex soldier with esper abilities. Demigod is a regal lady with a hidden parasoul weapon expertise.

The group started by entering a new town that they had heard about. Pervert was new to the group so they spent some time getting to know each other. While they did this I asked the mage what their alignment was, "Sweet, Salty, or Pepperoni?" They chose Pepperoni so here's there list of spells copied off their sheet.
Auto-correct spell: Whenever someone says they're gonna do something, change a word of what they're saying (1 sorcery point)
Overreaction spell: Whenever someone reacts to something, make their reaction go over the top through inflation
Auto-play spell: If anyone is doing anything with music, choose what audio file plays
Who dun it spell: Hides the character/name/everything about them (1 sorcery point)
Hotbox spell: Smokescreen (3 times/day)
The big reveal spell: Summon very large fancy red drapes to cover whatever I want and approaching the drapes reveals whatever's behind them with big fanfare
Heads will roll spell: Use it only once, in one room, it makes everything in the room really bouncy
Hidamari Stretch: Give up charisma, give them charisma and have their face stretch to great proportions

With this out of the way they decided to visit their preferred destinations the local spellcaster shop for Mage, the museum for Pervert, a mini laboratory for Psychic, and a restaurant for Demigod.
Starting with Mage, they enter to see the clerk messing around with magnets, believing it to be magic and quite fascinating. Like a true cuck the mage tries to explain that magnetism is not magic, but a science. This angers the clerk and he decides to prove it's magic by casting a spell that gives random magnetic poles to everything in the room. This creates a huge mass of desks, materials, and equipment.

Katamari style.

So there's no a huge mass in the room and the mage is being pulled to it through their own possessions. In a panic they cast "Heads will Roll", turning the entire room and everything in it bouncy. Absolutely brilliant move, let's give a quick round of applause for our intelligent mage.


The sudden increase in bounciness causes the magnetics to start going crazy with a lack of friction and the entire room soon turns into a pinball game. They fail to do anything smart and get nailed by the mass of metal flying across the entire store and nearly knockink themselves out. When their vision clears they see their arch nemesis Big Nose, perusing the wares. Looking for a way out the mage attempts to grab Big Nose and use them as a body shield. Unfortunately mages aren't very physical and they fail miserably. In retaliation Big Nose uses their unique spell "Trickster Steal" and copies a spell from the Mage, "Overreaction." They use it to inflate the mage's chest to great proportions and uses them as a meat shield instead, resulting in their easy escape and the mage getting stuck in the door way. Unable to squeeze through the clerk had had enough and drinks a potion to turn him into a bull, which then leads him to charging the mage and shoving them quite roughly out the door.
Kinda like this (2B)


Let's move over to Pervert who was about to begin their tour of intellectual gain when suddenly a figure in a red cloak with glistening silver hair slides in and skewers the tour guide through the stomach. Everyone is in shock as the mystery man kicks the body off his sword and turns to the janitor cleaning a mess of refuse 20 feet away.

"He did it."
Everyone looks over to the janitor. Before they look back there's the sound of metal cutting air, and upon looking back there's a random tour guest sliced across the chest on the ground, dead. The figure holds their blade behind their back so they can't see the blood as it drips onto the floor. He turns his gaze to the Pervert.

"She did it."
The crowds frozen in fear and no one knows what to say so the Pervert just says, "Sorry I did that." The red coated figure then dashes into the museum deeper with the sounds of gunshots and sword swings resounding off the walls. The pervert leaves. HOWEVER, the mage from earlier was charged out with such force that they flew across the street into the museum. They look up in a daze to see the mystery man casually walking over to them.

"Hey, you should be careful. Someone's going around murdering people. I think it's the janitor."
Meanwhile he's god a bloodied blade and smoking guns so the mage panics and casts "HotBox" clouding the museum with smoke as they desperately flee. He doesn't follow.

On another street Psychic is being a totally Psydick by fucking with every physics experiment they can find through telekinesis. Ruining pendulum experiments, changing the weights of objects, and being a total douche. The researchers catch on that soemthing is fishy and call the guards who after the worst bluffing in my life catch the pyschic with little physical resistance. The conversation went something like this.

"Researchers think you're causing a fuss around here, not to mention you're trespassing. You're under arrest, come to the station with us."
"No"
"..." Immediately decks him, cuffs him, and drags him off

And finally, Demigod is trying to enjoy a meal when they mistakenly get pulled into the kitchen and demanded to cool "Pasta Pizza Pepperoni Style." Unsure what any of that means they start getting all flustered and making a huge mess of everything until eventually they get kicked out of the establishment. Very disappointed in their failure they look for someone that would teach them how to cook. This is a new town however and they have no clue where to look, so they enter a listed residence hoping to find a good cook. Instead they find,

Who upon sensing a new guest immediatly begins to recount how he disproves of the local theaters showing of Thor and found that it didn't stay true to the finer details of the Thunder God in the legends that are written. Sensing they made a mistake the Demigod tries to desperately leave but this scary man follows them while explaining that if the theater is going to do a series that builds up over 12 years they should make sure they do it when the town has a life expectancy that would allow people to actually watch the whole show series. Before they can explore any other buildings they see their friend Psychic being hauled off to jail and the guards stopping to also arrest Mage who is being blamed to the museum massacre. To avoid getting caught Mage casts "Who dunnit?" and turns into a mysterious cloaked fedora wearing nobody who the guards completely ignore and continue hauling away Psychic. Long story Short Psychic was given a warning and let off this time.

Some uninteresting things happen along with various MCU complaints localized to dnd that i do not remember when the group finally reassembles. Before that though, Pervert was now having a huge attraction to Dan-Red Coat man and desperatly seeking them out and decided to look for him before returning to the group. They enter the theater wardrobe and find the man tossing aside various outfits and slicing up anything blue. They turn to the new entrant and in a panic leap out the window, shattering it.

The Pervert is left speechless and without a moment to react the window next to it explodes inwards as he jumps back inside through it.

And poses.
Pervert is head over heels and begins fawning over him, asking him to come with her. He agrees but issues a warning.
"Be careful, there's a murderer on the loose."
They pass by various theater staff bodies on the way out.

Now the group is reunited and everything is right. Except they are still being assaulted about how come Black Panther was hyped up way too much by the crowd and it was totally ruined by the strong stigma it carried about being centered solely around panthers that where black, since panthers aren't even indigenous to the region. Pervert points at the critic and says "that's the murder!" Jumping into action he slides forth and impales his sword right in their cut, cutting them off.
Now I know the meme said he couldn't be gotten rid of but this was near the end and I was running out of asanine MCU complaints.
So the man pulls out his 2 very large and very beautiful magnums and begins laying waste.

He tosses his guns and does a big flourish before catching them with a "Jackpot" and a final blast to annihilate the corpse.
...
He then turns to the Demigod who covered herself from the blood with her parasol.
"I can't believe you just murdered that man."
Without missing a beat the distraught Demigod twirls her parasol and makes a villainous pose "How sly of you to see through my ruse. As expected from someone as clever as you."
The man flings his cloak back as he re-holsters his pistols with a huff.
"You have blood on that umbrella, the murder weapon. No point in hiding it I see."
They continue the back and forth for a bit as the Pervert is stuck in awe, psychic got bored and was fucking down an abandoned alley trying to dig through trash (don't ask why), and Mage was revisiting the shop to A) not get arrested for murder again, and B) See if everything was still bouncy. (It was).
Dant-Red coat suddenly tenses up as a flash of blue passes by the group and he grunts "Brother" before dashing off.
The man is incredibly fast and as they turn to watch him dash around a corner they hear sounds of metal on metal, screaming, gunshots, and a loud "HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!"
This time they decide to ignore the red splatters on the wall and trickling red river coming from the street and go home.

I didn't include it but since it's meme related the Mage did also use "Autocorrect" on Big Nose to turn their nose growth spell into a nose shrink spell, which inverted their nose into their body and protruded backwards until it was long enough for Big Nose to whip their head around and slap Mage across the face with it.

Really makes you ponder why the Demigod made their murders so obvious.