i have no idea what the fuck is going on anymore so i'm going to collate the previous submissions to try and catch up. then i'll submit something
Once upon a time, there was a little girl who lived in a village near the forest. She often wore a red riding cloak, so everyone in the village called her little red riding hood. One morning, little red riding hood and her mother packed a nice basket for her to take to her grandmother.
*freeze frame, cut to Dante from the Devil May Cry Series™ hiding behind the tree*
Yep, you're probably wondering how I got here.
I heard some rumors that my brother Vergil was in town, looking to bring back some kind of secret demonic power Gimme a break.
But to think he'd go as far as to dress up as a little girl just to get deep into those woods undetected... That guy's really starting to piss me off!
Dante finally confronts his brother. "Don't think you can run away this time, Vergil!"
"Ah, long time no see, brother," says Vergil. "But alas, you're too late. I've already killed the wolf and taken his powers. You can't beat me, now!"
Suddenly, a ferocious spirit appears behind Vergil, and he strikes a fabulous pose. "My new Stand, 『HUNGRY LIKE THE WOLF』, is invincible!"
As a ruckus ensured between the two brothers, little red riding hood continued on to meet her grandmother. But to her surprise as she arrived, outside her house was a foreclosed sign and two men from the IRS, how contrived!
As Red pondered what she should do, she heard a loud commercial blaring from the TV inside the cottage.
"TODAY ONLY! Once in a lifetime deal! Come down to CRAZY BIG BAD WOLF'S COTTAGE EMPORIUM! Have we got savings for you! Old cottages, new cottages, small, large! Any kind of cottage, you can find it here at CRAZY WOLF'S!"
With that, the door to the cottage flew open, Grandma running pell-mell out the door. The two IRS men quickly gave chase, leaving Red alone and confused.
The two brothers' fight neared the shack,
Each giving the other a good thwack!
But when they heard the TV,
They knew it couldn't be.
"I thought I felled the wolf", Vergil said!
Such a revelation filled Little Red with dread!
"She's headed right into a trap!" the girl exclaimed,
Knowing that her dear grandma would soon be maimed!
"You have to help my grandma!" Red shouted. "Not only is she being tricked, but the IRS is after her!"
"What's in it for me?"asked Dante from the Devil May Cry Series™.
"Um... whichever one of you saves her first gets this basket of baked goods."
Upon hearing this, the trio sprints away to the Cottage Emporium, where Dante and Vergil step inside, hot on grandma (and the taxmen's) trail. The door slams behind them, and a sinister voice rings out over the loudspeaker. "Puhuhuhu! Welcome... to the Killing Game!"
Outside, Little Red sighed. This was going to be a long day.