This post was last modified: Jan 1, 2019 at 6:13 AM by Todd Howard.

Hi, Todd Howard, CEO of Bethesda, here. It is with much regret when I announce that the year 2019 will be delayed to an later, indefinite date. Before release, we noticed that the final product was perfect in every way, with everything running smoothly. However, this simply isn’t the Bethesda way. We strive to have all of our works filled with as many bugs as possible, and we will take as much time as we need to fill all 12 months with every glitch in the book. Thank you, and we hope you all understand.

apologems please

It is against company policy to give complementary currency to customers, real life or in-game, but you won’t get no compensation for this delay. I will pick one of you lucky and slightly gullible preorderers, go over to their house, and sleep with them. The lucky winner will find out that a night with the Todd is just like his games; terrible action, unsatisfactory graphics, and not even finished.

How many times do I have to teach you this lesson, old man?

This post was last modified: Jan 2, 2019 at 3:38 PM by Todd Howard.

Shut your trap, bitch, at least my company still adores me.

I'd challenge you to a fight, but I've already won.

Spoiler: Show

As you can see, your shitty pathing led to your defeat.

damn, todd went down harder than fallout 76's metacritic score

My loyal and paying fans, do not fret. Although I lost this battle, the war has not been won yet. And after all, war....war never changes.

You hear me, Hideous Kojima? You think you might have defeated once and for all, but just like Fallout, this bruised and battered body will come crawling back for more. I’m making an announcement, way ahead of E3: I will join a Killing Game someday, and when I do, I challenge you to join with me. No Reedus, no Del Toro, no fucking Hayter; just you, me, and the spirits of our misunderstood companies. So what are you waiting for, Kojima? It’s not like you have a Silent Hill game to work on, you’ve got nothing to lose.

My fellow gamers, before my smackdown against Hideous Kojima, I’d like to address the elephant in the poorly textured room. You see this?



If you believe this is true, you don’t deserve to be a follower of the Todd. I am simply no Coward Howard. No matter what, I never back down from a fight.

One time, I threw a ball belonging to my schoolyard bully somewhere where he’d never find it. When he asked where it was, I replied “See that roof? You can climb it.” And while he beat me like a Cherokee drum, I didn’t run away; I took it like a champ. If you expect me to call it quits with the game developer who apparently has a “better track record” and “more experience” than me, then my friend, you are sorely, sorely mistaken.

Yet again Todd the Coward misleads his fans. The truth is much more surprising.


You see, I always knew we'd eventually face eachother, Howard. There's a reason that unit is named FOXHOUND.