This morning on my way to grab some lunch I bumped into this patient in the hallway. He started asking me something about whether or not Jesus ever told any jokes. I reply of course he did! Then I tried to remember some and drew a blank. Can you all help me out and list some of the jokes that Jesus told?

Bonus Patient

Christians: Did Jesus ever laugh and joke in his lifetime?

The question is specifically targeted at Christians but I feel like anyone can answer. I told the patient to meet me back in the cafeteria tomorrow morning and I'll relay all of the jokes to him.

This post was last modified: Jan 6, 2019 at 4:42 PM by Bill Cipher.

“YOUR MOMMA SO FAT, IF I TURNED HER BODY’S WATER INTO WINE SHE WOULD BE A CELLAR!”

OR ALTERNATIVELY, “ALL RELIGIONS ARE NOTHING BUT A SOCIAL CONSTRUCT AND THE AFTERLIFE WILL BE A THEATER SHOWING NOTHING BUT ADAM SANDLER MOVIES FOR BOTH SINNERS AND SAINTS! STOP FOLLOWING ME!”

jesus was known to be a real card among the apostles! unfortunately, the majority of his witty repartee has been lost to time. we do have record of one surviving punchline: "then the donkey turns to me and says, 'that's no ass, that's my wife!'"

This post was last modified: Jan 6, 2019 at 7:25 PM by Draku.

Jesus would often grab women's babies to dip them into a nearby river for the sake of baptism. Many of them were taken by surprise with this practice, as the purpose was not well known, and the babies would often cry for long periods of time afterwards, creating a headache for the parent(s). It was not uncommon for Jesus to be asked what he was doing, but it was hard to question him when he said he was blessing them with a miracle. However, this did not satisfy one particularly irate mother, who yelled at Jesus what kind of miracle could possibly involve such a scary action for a child. To this, Jesus turned back at her and simply replied: "Why, I've turned water into whine."

ayy sup my babes

ya boi jesucristo would usually play football with his goats and be all "Yo Emmanuel 5! Catch this!" and kick it into oblivion while cracking up a cold one and swinging their dicks around to make helicopters (this is all in the bible! forgot which page though so you will have to look it up yourself)

If you were all wondering what happened to the response for this bonus day, the question was deleted.