Alright, settle down, my Legion of Doom! It's me, your leader, the greatest criminal mastermind of our time, Lex Luthor!!!
I'm sure I don't need to tell you that recently our operations against the Super Friends have hit another snag. Just the other day, when I was attempting to destroy Superman using a TV commercial shoot, a box of Kryptonite-laced cereal, and a frog costume, my plans were foiled when this mysterious Mariopants URINATED in the cereal! Further complicating things was a high lead content in Mariopants' urine! Superman apprehended me immediately and even THANKED this bizarre Mariopants character, even AFTER Mariopants urinated on Superman, too!
We can not have more INTERLOPERS in our war against the Super Friends! What if Mariopants JOINS the Super Friends? If his urine can stop KRYPTONITE, who knows what else he's capable of??? We NEED to figure out Mariopants' TRUE IDENTITY, right here, on the most evil forum on the internet: the MINUS WORLD!
As LEX LUTHOR, THE GREATEST CRIMINAL MASTERMIND OF OUR TIME, I am offering a reward of a prize equivalent to $20 US American dollars to anyone who can correctly and publicly deduce and prove the identity of this Mariopants character! Hey, don't judge me- the Legion has been short on money after this Mariopants character and the Super Friends have been foiling all of our attempts to make revenue!