>That's in the main games too, but it's much harder to get a hold of and is a postgame-only item even though you can get a limitless amount (with a lot of effort).

Shit I think I explained that wrong. Reborn has ability capsules like the main games, but they pop up pretty frequently and they work on hidden abilities too. You can also trade shards for them a bit later in the game. I was glad that I can change my starter's ability right near the beginning of the game instead of having to beat it or go through some arcane website tie-in.

>I agree with you that this battle seems like it would have been way harder if it hadn't been doubles, but that's probably why it was, because that tier of boosting moves without the ability to double attack a mon sounds even more ridiculous.

It seems like it's tuned to be right on the edge of impossible and doable. This terrain doesn't appear anywhere else afaik and you can't cause it with moves. I could at least beat the Gardevoir fairly consistently, but it would be costly enough that I'd lose on the next mon.
They might tune it in a later update, but right now it looks like they coded it just for this gym.

Yeah my next sentence after pointing it out was saying that it's good that they made it easily available in the main story rather than keep it to postgame. Also, the fact that it works on HAs is great because fuck that it doesn't in the real games.

Ah, that makes sense. It'd be insanely broken if it was used anywhere else.

This post was last modified: Aug 9, 2019 at 4:28 AM by Aidan.

Up next on Erica's hitlist is the Dark Dreamer LUNA. Big fucking surprise: she uses dark types. Luna is the maid of the chess guy I just fought, but due to story complications and contrived bullshit I had to wander through magic reality warping caves before she would battle me. At least they mix things up each gym?
LUNA's dialogue is written like an early 2000s metal song and she appears to like Pokémon more than people. Normally I'd call the game out for being edgy, but I've met people exactly like this in real life so I'm saying props for writing believable characters.


The dark crystal cavern is basically a combination of caves, crystal terrain and the dark terrain from the ghost gym battle. As a result, it affects a shitload of moves from a variety of types. Anything vaguely to do with light, beams or lasers gets boosted by the crystals; anything to do with darkness or shadows gets boosted from the darkness, moon effects are boosted and sun effects are weakened, the list goes on. Overall it isn't very complicated, it just makes damage generally much higher.


Some of LUNA's Pokeys can easily sweep more than half my team if I let them, so I had some strategies refined to turn-by-turn solutions. Desset is the solution to this Absol, White Rabbit. Keeping with the edgy preteen theme, LUNA names her Pokémon after characters from Alice in Wonderland and its related works. I actually really like that her whole team is named, and I wish Pokémon did that more often.
White Rabbit always boosts his attack first turn, giving Desset a chance to lower his special defense. Then about 90% of the time, he spends his second turn using a triply boosted night slash, which Desset tanks. The other 10%, he uses play rough and I have to soft reset the game.


We were in the lucky 90% this time, and one good draining kiss finishes off White Rabbit.


So early in the game, there's a sidequest where you get a random egg. Mine just happened to have this monster inside, and I left him in the daycare until his time came. Now is the time.
But he hasn't fought many battles so his attack is too low to one shot this fucking bird. If I let Jubjub start getting kills, moxie will boost his damage to fuckhuge levels and I basically autolose. Burning through a dragon gem takes care of that and saves me a couple hours of EV training.


Normally this match-up would be way in Knave's favor, being an ice type against Gojira the dragon. But the AI always starts with power-up punch for some reason? A lot of gym leaders are programmed to always set up on their first turn, and you can easily abuse that to fuck shit up.


Or come close to fucking shit up only to get stymied by a focus sash. I was going to dump a sash on one of my Mons and abuse some stupid mechanic like throwing out a move that does more damage the less health you have, but I apparently lost it? At this point I'm pretty sure I traded it to an NPC.


For whatever reason, Slimer takes hits really fucking well. I send him out to finish off the Knave. Earthquake also destroys the crystals, turning the terrain into a regular cave and preventing LUNA from abusing 1.5x night slash for the rest of the battle! You could also use sunny day to turn it into a regular crystal cavern, but she'd just use dark pulse to turn it right back, and sunny day blows anyway.


Here comes THE BANDERSNATCH
Actually he's not that tough. I use counter here since he takes quad damage from fighting type moves, but I'm a dumbass and counter ignores typing! Fuck! It's still comically strong, and Gojira ends the 'snatch next turn.


I leave Gojira in even though none of his moves are particularly good against Mr. Carpenter. The Carpenter is mentioned in one page of Through the Looking Glass. That's fine, but why wouldn't you name Bisharp after one of the chess pieces?
Also his head is sharp and it hurts to touch


He fucks up Gojira, so Lonely comes in to clean up. This time I pick a move that can, in fact, be super effective, and abuse that 4x weakness for a quick kill.


Last up is LUNA's Umbreon, Cheshire. Are Umbreons supposed to be cats? The Eevees looked more like foxes to me.
Since the terrain is blown the fuck up and Desset resists dark, there's not much Chesire can do. He opens with his best option, Toxic. Now I have something of a timer before Desset goes down. My guess is that they wanted some poison move to help him against fairies, but the only one he can learn doesn't do damage. Oops!


Incidentally, I'm shit at video games and the whole rest of the team went down. I won't bother describing how it happened other than attributing it to general incompetence. It all rests on this cupcake's shoulders.


The following nine turn one-on-one is a pretty dumb war of attrition. Cheshire has leftovers and spams moonlight whenever his health gets low, throwing out a dark pulse on the off-turns. In the dark, moonlight heals for 75%, so I'm really fucking glad I could break the terrain early on. And LUNA has three ultra potions. I have no idea how the fuck you would do this without a fairy and an earthquake user.


Eventually, Cheshire gets brought to -6 special defense, where Desset's is finally able to do damage that he can't heal back. The poison damage does stack up pretty high over time, but draining kiss way outpaces it.


"...tarnished, your soul shines with hope. I bid you farewell."
Why the fuck do you talk like this oh my god


Thanks for the badge, please don't ever interact with me again! She also gives us the TM for dark pulse. I have no use for it in battle, but there's actually a sidequest that requires you to turn a crystal cavern into a dark crystal cavern, so I'll have to teach it to some otherwise worthless fuckboy for completion's sake.
No idea what's up next, but my team is pretty stacked at this point so I'm not too worried.

The AiW naming scheme is cute but knowing that it's on a pretentious character's team makes it turn around and be annoying instead. Dang. If the AI's so prone to boosting, this game might be easier than I thought, since being able to predict boosts makes fights way, way easier. A random Haxorus egg? Talk about convenient.

>I was going to dump a sash on one of my Mons and abuse some stupid mechanic like throwing out a move that does more damage the less health you have, but I apparently lost it?

It's a one use item, you probably already triggered it earlier and it's gone now.

>I use counter here since he takes quad damage from fighting type moves, but I'm a dumbass and counter ignores typing!

You absolute buffoon.

I see that fighting Umbreon here is exactly as exciting as it is in competitive. That thing is a total bastard to take down before the heat death of the universe.

The AiW naming scheme is cute but knowing that it's on a pretentious character's team makes it turn around and be annoying instead. Dang. If the AI's so prone to boosting, this game might be easier than I thought, since being able to predict boosts makes fights way, way easier. A random Haxorus egg? Talk about convenient.

>I was going to dump a sash on one of my Mons and abuse some stupid mechanic like throwing out a move that does more damage the less health you have, but I apparently lost it?

It's a one use item, you probably already triggered it earlier and it's gone now.

>I use counter here since he takes quad damage from fighting type moves, but I'm a dumbass and counter ignores typing!

You absolute buffoon.

I see that fighting Umbreon here is exactly as exciting as it is in competitive. That thing is a total bastard to take down before the heat death of the universe.

Looks like knowing nothing about Pokémon is starting to fuck me over! Can't believe I exploded a focus sash that early. And why does counter even have a type if it ignores typing?

A few of the leaders have had really effective tanks. There was a Volbeat early on that absolutely would not die, but I didn't record it. Since then I've learned to abuse fake tears against them.


There's like ten badges to go and I'm most of the way through the levelling curve, so here's three new leaders in the same building! You can also see Wasteland Punk AYA chilling on the couch.
Erica's next targets all moonlight as circus performers. One of them is so fucking awful she made me miss Dark Dreamer LUNA. We're up against the dude on the far left.


Big top terrain is really elaborate and interesting, but also pretty fucking stupid, just like a real circus. Using the dumbbell and high wires boosts literally dozens of moves of different types. Moves related to performing- think dances, encore, payday, sing - also get cute boosts, like spotlight buffing both combatants. Of course, since SAMSON uses fighting types, tons of fighting moves get boosted as well.
The old fighting gym leader didn't make me go through this much bullshit. Too bad she spontaneously caught a melodramatic anime illness one second before I got my badge.


This motley crüe of dickkickers was carefully chosen to exploit all of SAMSON's weaknesses. Charlie Brown came along as a niche contingency, and I forgot to level him. Didn't end up needing him, but this probably would've taken much less attempts if I remembered


Anyway here's the prick's face! Strongman SAMSON looks like he'd struggle to lift a helium balloon, but what do I know. Maybe the Goku hair gives him saiyan strength.
He likes to switch fuckers in seemingly at random, so the fight can have very front-loaded difficulty. I've had his main shitfucker come in second and literally take out all six members of my team by himself. In response, I've set shit up so that absolutely will not happen.


This Hariyama usually isn't too bad, unless I get extremely unlucky. This "WHAMMO" effect signifies a high striker attack, which impacts the dumbbell and causes the stakes in the ground to pop out. This applies a random damage multiplier from 0.5x to 3x, though attack buffs and abilities like sheer force influence the odds.


As usual, Desset debuffs for a few turns and then drains an entire health bar. And then loses a bunch of health anyway because of another rocky helmet! I could've avoided this, but it's actually easier to just accept the damage. Fun fact: if you get a 3x high striker attack, the text is "OVER 9000!!!!!!" Fun fact 2: If he lands one on the second turn, Desset dies and I have to soft reset the game. Gee I love random damage spread


This Lucario can be pretty scary. Swords dance is +3 in this terrain, and he has a focus sash because of fucking course he does.


SAMSON's Mons shit out damage so fast and hard that I partake in the forbidden fruit here. The big top terrain only exists in this one room, and there's no way I can tank the sheer damage his team shits out when his team also hits first every fucking turn. Speaking of hitting first, once Lucario gets swords dance off, he uses extreme speed every turn. Most of my team will die in one shot to that, even if they take neutral damage from normal attacks.


But consistency means predictability. I switch Jack O in and she takes Lucario's last 1 HP with uhh, seed bomb or some shit


This Blaziken is a shitfucker and he loves to spam bounce! I'm on a hard time limit with trick room, so Amy Lee ends this fuck in one hit.


Ffffuck this Hawlucha! That text triggers on Acrobatics usage, which gets an absolutely stupid number of buffs here. Hawlucha gets STAB, and his synthetic seed gives him both 1 stage of attack and helping hand, so we're at n*1.5*1.5*1.5. The terrain gives it an additional *1.5. And, while it normally has a power of 55, the terrain sets it to 110 regardless of held item. So 55*2*1.5*1.5*1.5*1.5=~557. Fuck me. Ray is the only member of the team that can survive one of these, and it still does like three-quarters of her health.
The game actually tells you to abuse flying types, and it's absolutely right to. Bounce, fly, sky drop and a couple other flying moves also get a boost in this terrain. Unfortunately Ray doesn't know any of those and I haven't trained up any other flying types, so


Hence, trick room and destiny bond. I actually had a plan b if I couldn't trick room: Ray can use discharge to get him to critical, and then Charlie Brown would come in holding a synthetic seed and immediately sucker punch to finish him off. I forgot to level Charlie enough to actually kill with sucker punch though, and this worked out fine. Trick room ended immediately after this too, so I clutched this out at the last second.


Anyway here's a Mienshao with a life orb! She falls to one psychic.


And in comes Conkeldurr for the grand finale. Supposedly he's their mascot. I can't match him in levels; the soft cap is 70 until I beat the whole circus. Amy Lee does some respectable damage and falls to a poison jab.


Poison jab probably would've fucked Desset up, but trick room is over and he's fast enough to kiss first.


What a shitty taunt. I know I said it already, but this strongman looks like he weighs about 130 lbs soaking wet.


Gee a fighting badge I've heard rumors about these. SAMSON threw out his best boy early. so this was a little anti-climactic, but I swear to god most of my attempts ended in one of his first three fuckers sweeping my entire team. The only reasonable response was to cheese him right back.

This post was last modified: Aug 10, 2019 at 4:44 AM by Draku.

>Swords Dance+Extremespeed Lucario who is already a monster

>But he gets +3 because lolterrain

Jesus tapdancing Christ that sounds horrifying. That terrain in general seems bonkers.

Good thinking with the Trick Room, this seems obnoxious otherwise.

> And why does counter even have a type if it ignores typing?

Theming and the fact that Ghosts are immune to it. Status moves have types too, including self-affecting ones, despite it not usually mattering outside of immunities for the ones that affect opponents.

> And why does counter even have a type if it ignores typing?
Theming and the fact that Ghosts are immune to it. Status moves have types too, including self-affecting ones, despite it not usually mattering outside of immunities for the ones that affect opponents.

fuck i can't argue with that. smogon led me astray yet again

Anyways the next gym was a fire gym but I didn't record it and it was really fucking shitty so I'm going to recreate it through pictures. Don't worry I have a photographic memory


So the gym leader is Firebug CHARLOTTE. Her parents died in a HOUSE FIRE and she's the FIRE gym leader. I think she's also one of the orphans I adopted earlier?
The fire terrain makes fire better but only like 10%. The actual problem is that this is a double battle and CHARLOTTE spams heat wave every fucking turn which not only does assloads of damage, it also sets the map on fire to do even more damage and that's fucked.


So I send out Snow Miser to use blizzard. Normally this would be fucking dumb since she has a 4x weakness to fire but she has a quick claw so she got the blizzard off before she could get annihilated. Blizzard also destroys the hot terrain so CHARLOTTE was pretty much fucked right off the bat.


Then Slimer used rainy day. I'm not actually sure if this was useful or not.


I'm pretty sure Snow Miser died so I sent out Gojira to rampage for a while. CHARLOTTE's team actually sucks when she doesn't have terrain advantage so he basically plows through them all with minimal resistance.


And with all of them dead Erica picks up her next badge! Really shitty gym overall, and it's in the middle of fucking nowhere so I had to backtrack three routes to get set up for it. Glad that shit's over.

beautiful artwork. i'm sure you perfectly retold events with that summary

heat wave on a fire terrain like that sounds fucking terrifying. screw that. weird that a blizzard would actually fuck up the terrain and not just... melt or something by this game's logic

beautiful artwork. i'm sure you perfectly retold events with that summary

heat wave on a fire terrain like that sounds fucking terrifying. screw that. weird that a blizzard would actually fuck up the terrain and not just... melt or something by this game's logic

so in "burning" terrain, blizzard does half damage
but her gym starts as "super-heated" and the blizzard cools it down, returning you to neutral terrain
there's other shit too but since i invalidated the entire gimmick in one move i didn't look into it much. i swear it was nigh impossible to survive the onslaught of heat waves otherwise. i had fuckers who resist fire dying in one hit

oh, if it was just temperature based terrain i guess that makes sense

loving these artistic renditions

So normally I skip over the plot because it's a Pokémon game and I can barely follow along anyway, but I've decided that it's a vital part of the experience in this battle. I'll be transcribing the Gym Leader's dialogue verbatim, with comments added for context.

The ground gym leader, M3G4 T3RR4, whom I will call Terra for my own good, escapes into a computer. Erica enters the computer and finds herself in a recreation of Pokémon Blue. Terra smashes the ground with a hammer, causing the environment to glitch. Wandering through key locations like Lavender Town and Victory Road, Erica fights her way through several Missing No.s and other glitch trainers, eventually finding Terra.


I AM T3RRA, THEY CALL ME THE CIEL TAMER.
(Ciel is another member of the circus.)
HAD THAT B!TCh ON HER KNEES,
COVERED IN KETCHUP.
WH4T.
l00k. i aint about that dramatic speech life. but lemme tell ya a lil' somethin' somethin', ya feel me
IT WAS A LONG TIME AGO
IN A GALAXY NOT VERY FAR AWAY 4T ALL
IN FACT IT WAS THIS ONE
THIS GALAXY. R1GHT HER3.
THE MILKY TIT
AND $OMETHING TERRIBLE HAPPENED:
(In this font, dollar signs are displayed as Pokédollars, so this would look like POMETHING.)
I GOT BOR3D.
sooo i was like awhh yeaaaa lets cause some 4N4RCHY
cuzzzz chaos. is like sex.
hot. steamy. rawrsex.
(Terra says rawr a lot. She probably says it in every scene she appears in.)
and helllllll them meteors be good in bed.
(Team Meteor is the evil team of the game.)
and lyk, hbu bby? asl? u have kik?
(The player character is 18; can be male, female or other; and comes from somewhere outside of Reborn City.)


The computer area uses glitch terrain, which is based on the shit programming and inept balance of the Game Boy Pokémon games. Type effectiveness reverts to the original chart; with Dark, Steel and Fairy moves considered Normal. Any special attacks take the higher of Special Attack or Special Defense, and there's no physical/special split for moves.


I'm taking two psychic types in because psychic was broken in gen 1, and a dragon for basically the same reason. Slimer is there to surf on bitches, and the other two are in for very specific reasons you'll see later.


This is the first time I've really taken a good look at her character design, and fuck do I hate it. Even ignoring the hair, she appears to be wearing a necklace made of leaves, has some weird skin tight layer under her dress, and she stole Joker's gloves. What is this design trying to say? She uses ground types, but there's nothing natural about her design. The Earth tones clash super fucking hard with the bright-ass primary colors. And why does she have spiky Tron Bonne hair? That must take an absolute shitload of gel to keep in place. Why does she look like this?


Like Luna, Terra nicknames all her Pogeys. I kinda like that this one is named after Giovanni!


Using a psychic move in the glitch terrain prompts this lovely message, boosting the damage by 20%. That's more than enough to melt Giovanni's brain stem, or whatever the fuck psychic does.


Here's a life orb Excadrill! I hate it! The self-damage makes him weak enough to fall in one surf.


Playing on turbo mode, this message scrolls by too fast to read, so I had no idea what the fuck was going on. This Quagsire has a synthethic seed, which gives her ??? typing in this terrain. It has no strengths or weaknesses, so it's basically equivalent to not having a type. She also gets a boost to both defense stats, which could also be a boost to special attack because fuck gen 1!!!


Of course since it has a defense boost and no weaknesses, she heals every other turn and slowly chips away at you. This dickwad is actually really effective against most of my team. Psychic is busted and Amy gets a lucky crit, though, so it wasn't too bad.


TIME FOR SAND
This Hippowdon can hit pretty hard and she's fairly tanky. I actually keep Slimer alive just to soften her up.


Surf hits hard as fuck. Slimer goes down, but Amy Lee cleans up after her.


This Palossand is a problem. She's basically Quagsire again, down to having the seed equipped, only way the fuck more annoying. Giga Drain blows and Shore Up really blows. Since she doesn't have a type, I originally tried to use Ray the Flying Squirrel to paralyze her, but it failed eleven times in a row and I benched her.
Jack O and Sandy go back and forth blasting each other with balls. Jack O is weak to them and also pretty shit at attacking so this is a losing battle for her.


But she's a sore loser! I feel a little bad using this gimmick again, but I had about two hours of attempts on this boss and most of them fell the fuck apart long before this. If Sandy gets her defense high enough she's nigh indestructible, and I didn't have access to shit like Roar or Defog that would help with this. And I deleted Heal Block weeks ago.


GODDAMMIT FUCK GARCHOMP
This prick is the reason I had to spend two hours on this boss. Holy fucking shit what an awful enemy.
She has an Assault Vest. Assault Vests boost special defense by 50%. Since this is gen 1, that's also a special attack boost. She knows Draco Meteor and will use it every turn, unless one of her other moves would kill. Dragons aren't weak to dragon either, so I can't abuse Outrage to get good damage in. She's also faster than my whole team and can one shot most of them if I'm unlucky. There were times when I would get here with five or six living Mons and still lose. She still benefits from the Ass Vest normally, so she barely takes damage on top of everything else.


Somehow Sassy managed to survive a hit and get Trick Room up. He even got off a Psyshock before the sum total of all evil in the world fucked him over. Oh, and the sandstorm was still up. Kind of fucked up to kill him with flamethrower but I guess Garchomps are all assholes.


This is the lynchpin of the whole plan. Snow Miser also has a synthetic seed, so she gets a defense boost and has no weaknesses, and her special gets a boost. With Trick Room up and the defense boost, she has the time to get out two Blizzards, more than enough to kill anything that's Dragon.
Prior to the Trick Room abuse I was hoping for the freeze chance on Blizzard, but I got it once and he immediately defrosted the next turn and killed Snow Miser so fuck me.


Everything's going well. The Blizzard hit and Snow Miser can usually survive a Draco Meteor. I've seen the Blizzard miss twice in a row before, so this is great.


AH GOD FUCK

So in Gen 1, critical hit rate is directly proportional to speed. That would be too bullshit for even this game, so they change it to a slight boost for the faster Mon. This means Terra is very likely to fuck you over with a random crit because her whole team is stacked for speed.


Thank fuck Psychic is broken. I actually checked Amy and Gojira's stat pages before subbing her in. She had less speed, so I bet on her.
Also, this line doesn't make any sense? Mr. Krabs is the one who was supposed to be feeling it.


Shut the fuck up

That dialogue is horrendous. So is the terrain text, jesus.

The terrain sounds like it should have been interesting and a fun gimmick but instead of disabling hold items to stay properly true to Gen 1 like they seemed to want to with everything else, they instead just made Assault Vest into an incredibly broken piece of shit I guess. Great idea. Like come on, you even properly ignore Dragon being in the Gen1 type chart as weak to itself because Dragon Rage was the only Dragon move there, but still have hold items work?

PREFACE
Yeah so that last dungeon in Reborn was fucking awful and it took me like three hours cumulatively to get through it so I'm taking a break from that shit. In the meantime:


Eastside Story (Title Theme)


I've been working the streets of Riverside for far too long. Used to be on the force, but it wasn't for me. Hard to change the system when you're a part of it.


So I turned in my badge and opened a P.I. office. It's a small, out of the way joint downtown, just me and my old partner Swinub. Old thing doesn't do much nowadays. Probably wanted to quit more than I did.


My first case came in the thick of Winter. I've heard Christmas is their happiest time of year, but it's not all candy canes and snowmen. They say the cold weather gets to people, makes 'em do crazy things. I can attest: Riverside PD was always abuzz in December.
I tossed some coins in Santa's pot, but he wanted more than a few Poké. That Delibird had a family, and there just aren't enough spots in the daycare. Birds aren't really my style, but I was in need of a new partner.


The manager called me up the other day, said their safe had been broken into and they needed someone on hand fast. Most people go to the cops for grand larceny, but I wasn't about to criticize. Anything to keep the lights on.


I went to ask the guards if they'd seen anything, but they were a couple of tight-lips. No access to the rooms, manager's orders.


The wait staff were even less cooperative. Some four foot nothing french maid was guarding the head office with her Cherubi and Petilil.


Delibird and I played a little good cop, bad cop and she backed down quick. He seemed to know his way around a fight, and that beak of his could slice through your arm like a sled through snow. With little miss bouncer out of the way, I was finally free to get the run down from the manager.


He has a pretty classy office; a hell of a lot nicer than mine, aside from the old books strewn about. Must be a real dedicated reader.
I spotted the safe in the corner of the room. It still had the sticker attached: Unbreakable Safe. A lot of good that did.


As the manager explains it, he'd put on a charity fundraiser, and had the proceeds in a private account. They'd written up a cheque to be presented that night, but it went missing sometime after the event. Robbing a charity, real classy business.
He had more to say, but it was your typical rehearsed speech - nothing but hot air. I excused myself, and made a mental note to have a chat with Miss Cathy.


The crime scene, the dining hall, was packed full of your typical socialites and hobnobbers. Wouldn't want a theft to slow business, I guess. I asked around about Cathy, but the staff had less of a clue than I did.


Mr. Early Bird Special, on the other hand, was a lot more forthcoming. The manager asked him to keep his trap zipped, but once he heard I was investigating, he was an open book.
The man introduced himself as Palermo, owner of the Pokémon daycare downtown. His business was struggling after his daughter moved out, so the hotel put on a fundraiser to keep him on his feet. Turns out the criminal element in Riverside can't help themselves from harassing elderly daycare owners. His account of the night was much the same as the manager's. I thanked him for his time and assured him I was on the case.


Miss Cathy was at one of the tables, kicking her feet up and sipping a lukewarm coffee. She wasn't in the mood to chat, or do much of anything else, but I insisted.
With a smile faker than the hotel's Christmas tree, she went off about her job. The last person to hold the cheque also has a problem with the hotel, and needs the cash. Poor thing couldn't look more suspicious if she was red-handed. Still, her testimony matched what the manager and Palermo told me. I'd need stronger evidence to crack this nut.


Directionless, I wandered back to the lobby, where I ran into an old acquantaince. Mordecai was a dumb kid, not dangerous, but in close with the local gangs. I've had to drag him in for petty crimes more times than I'd like. He seemed to know something, but he wasn't giving it up without a fight. You can always tell a smart thug from a dumb thug: the dumb ones shoot first.


Even against my spring chicken Delibird, the kid didn't stand much of a chance.


Turns out the local mafia has taken an interest in Riverside Hotel. It's the typical crook's con: demand protection money, and make sure people "get hurt" if you don't pay up. One of the guests got taken out in the crossfire. The case was getting bigger than I'd thought, but I was finally close to having a clear picture. I asked if he knew any more about the incident, and he said one of the wait staff saw it all go down. Supposedly she lingers out back, sharing table scraps with wandering Pokémon. This girl sounds like a real good samaritan type, so I went back through the kitchen to get her side of the story.


...Goddammit.
I found more than the usual share of trash by the dumpsters. Some lowlife was accosting Miss Cathy over money, not that she seemed to have any.


I pulled him aside so me and Delibird could have a little talk. The alley cat ran off with his tail between his legs, and I went to check on my favorite waitress. Your average dame is in shock after an attempted robbery, so I opened with small talk, asking about her habit of feeding strays. She straightened up quick, and offered Delibird some leftovers as a thank you. Women her age always have a soft spot for the cute ones.


I figured she'd pull through, so I enquired about the untimely death. Turns out the manager put a hush order on the whole thing: no cops, no press, no testimony. That explains why I'd never heard about it around Riverside PD.


Miss Cathy was tidying the manager's office when she heard the crash of shattering glass. She spun on her feet just in time to see some poor schmuck strike the pavement.
The memory had her shook, and she begged me not to tell anyone, lest she lose her job. Sorry, Cathy. That's one promise I just can't keep.


The guard from before was still guarding the stairs, but once I told him about the "accident," he was all buddy-buddy. I smooth-talked him into letting me upstairs, and he gladly obliged, so long as he could breathe down my neck the whole time.
As he tells it, the guest tripped on a table leg and went straight through a fourth story window. The whole story was, for lack of a better term, farfetched.


He was right about one thing though. That is a truly ugly table. Apparently this is the only one, which explains why they don't have guests tripping through every window in the building.
There was evidence of a struggle. If the stiff fell straight though, the glass would've come along for the trip.


You'd be surprised what you pull out of the trash - in this case, a receipt for an unbreakable safe. Now what was something like that doing in a hotel room? I snuck it in my coat pocket and had the rent-a-cop escort me downstairs. This case was all wrapped up, and I was ready to deliver.

Justice for All ~ Court Begins on a Blue Note Scale (Truth Theme)


I went to press the manager about the hotel. He spat back the same two-bit slogan as before, but this time, I had an ace up my sleeve. The incident should've hurt the hotel's reputation. Didn't take long for his practiced bright-eyed grin to twist into a grimace.
Finally, I'd made an opening. I told him I knew about the mafia, the protection money and the "accidents" they'd promised. Like any snake, he started to slither back from the the threats. If I couldn't connect him to the stolen cheque, he said, none of this would matter.
I was on my back foot. Without having found the cheque, I couldn't pin a crime on him. But the first rule of working the witness is you never let them take charge.


The crime scene didn't add up. Why have a table in just one room? And what was a receipt for a safe doing in his wastebasket?
I had a hunch, and I went for it.
In order to sneak the cheque out, he purchased another safe, to serve as a decoy. He then dragged the real safe into the one room normal staff were barred from entering: the scene of the murder. Then he covered it up with a wide table to placate the guards.
Not a bad scheme. He even managed to play the part of the concerned friend, hiring a PI to find Palermo's money while keeping the cops out of the picture. Too bad he picked the best.


I had him. All I had to do was bring the receipt back; with his name and the date of purchase on file, I'd have everything I need to book him.


Seems he had some muscle on hand in case things went sour. A reasonable prospect, for someone being hounded by the mob. The whole gang piled on Delibird at once, but he stood tall and dusted himself off no worse for wear. The leftovers from Miss Cathy were working wonders.


Delibird strong-armed the Sneasel, so the hotel manager brought out his Meowth. She was smitten the moment they locked eyes. Delibird's a real lady-killer; he's practically beating them off with a stick.


The manager was down to his last. From the way it fought, I could tell this Pokémon was mistreated. Delibird weathered the storm and dropped her quick as he could.


The old man was out of back up plans. He let out a heavy sigh and confessed the whole thing. If only I hadn't made it to the crime scene. If only Miss Cathy had kept quiet like she was meant to... In the end, there was no fight left in him.

I felt a little sorry for the creep. Hard to forgive someone who steals from a daycare, but he wasn't given a choice. The bodies would've piled up if he didn't pay the protection money. It's an all too common story in Riverside.

EPILOGUE
After Winning the Case (Epilogue Theme)

"...Ah, it's you."


"I noticed the 'help wanted' sign."

"You're not working at the hotel anymore?"
"My boss' last act as manager was to fire me for speaking about the death."
"I see."
"I can't really blame that detective, he was just doing his job."
"That he was."
"So, is there an application or something?"
"No, no. Nothing so formal as that. I just need someone to help care for the Pokémon, now that I'm not as mobile. My daughter used to help me, but she isn't able to anymore."
"Oh?"
"She's raising a family of her own, she is. But enough chit-chat! If you have the time now, I could show you the ropes."
"I'd like that."



NEXT CASE

>pokemon detective-style game that still has battles and such

that's fucking lit

sticking you with just delibird to start with is weird tho even with the title.

love the way you presented it, good sh*t with the detective talk

yeah this sounds pretty cool

Godot ~ The Fragrance of Dark Coffee


I was almost surprised how easy it was, making a living as a PI in Riverside. Sure, it wasn't glamourous. I had to take odd jobs: looking for lost pets, spying on a suspicious boyfriend, but there was always someone angry or hurt enough at someone else to need the Lafayette Detective Agency. One especially odd job came not long after my first case.
It was a cold December morning when the office line rang. Nothing too unusual, except for the voice on the other end.
"Sylvester!"
Mordecai. The kid just can't keep out of trouble. Whatever happened to once bitten, twice shy?
He stuttered out some hullabaloo about the Duchampe Residence and slammed the phone down in less than a minute. Granted, I was considering doing the same, but I usually like a bit of information before I start a case.


The Duchampe family owns a sizeable property in the thick of Riverside, not two blocks east of my office. Most of the older houses in the area had been torn down: sold off to rich suits and converted into department stores or credit unions. But the Duchampe residence has stood tall for as long as I can remember. I put Mordecai on my mental "to-do" list, down at the bottom, and grabbed my coat.
Truffles has been doing a lot better lately. Her and Delibird are a real odd couple; I often catch them together behind the office, scuffling in a snow drift. Not sure if it's the company or the expensive feed, but she seemed well enough to come on the beat. Beat - more like walk, now.


Not that it's become any more peaceful. Riverside has never been well-maintained, and the illegal Pokemon trade has gotten out of control. Can't walk out your front door without seeing some unlicensed yuppie packing a Gyarados. This kid was hardly tougher than his worn out sneakers, but it reminded me of the need for more protection. Can't call for back-up when you're working solo.


I spent some time circling the area, sneakiing through alleyways and behind dumpsters, until I had enough firepower to walk easy. Things ended up a little more undead than I intended, but that's a story for another time.


They weren't all wild mutts though: I ran into this Tyranitar with a collar. By now I was so used to the missing pet routine, I called the owner without thinking.


Turns out the big bruiser was some old lady's lapdog, and he likes to wander out collecting trinkets. I took home the office key in his claws, as well as a small reward for his safe return. As far as earnings go, it was a decent payout for ten minutes' work.


If you're not being accosted by hoodlums, you're being pounced on by rats. Swear to God, I don't know how people manage to live in this city.


Not twenty feet away were a couple of kids playing in the snow. I told 'em to scram, but they wouldn't leave before finding their shovel. These raggamuffins must have a great set of parents.


Truffles managed to sniff it out faster than you can say odor sleuth. Old girl's still got her police instincts. Sometimes I wonder if she understands that we're off the force, or if she interprets it as some kind of extended deep cover op. Extended being the operative term.


Having found myself with a bit too much "back-up," I ducked into the nearby daycare to drop some off. Should've paid more attention to the sign...
Miss Cathy was as perky as ever. I kept my head down and tried to talk business, but she went right to the old hotel. Despite everything, she says, this job's a hell of a lot better than her last one. From most, those words would sound hollower than a Cubone's skull, but Miss Cathy was a straightshooter. I nodded, and handed over some new catches for her to look after.


The hail was coming down hard by the time I got near the Duchampe mansion. Out front, I saw that mall Santa from last time, shaking his bell at every Tom, Dick and Jane that passed by. In the brief instant I glanced his way, he'd already made eye contact and waved me over. I tossed him some change and got back to work.


Inside, the help escorted me out back. Says they won't let Mordecai leave unless he's riding coach in a cop car. I figure that's where he belongs, but that's someone else's job now.


A couple, not much older than the kid, had cornered him in the backyard and took turns blowing out his eardrums. Their accents were thicker than the snow on the ground, and they certainly weren't the type Mordecai usually surrounds himself with. I flashed them my card and asked that they wait inside while I get his testimony, whatever good that may be,

I'll Never Fall In Love Again B


It was basic vandalism, one of Mordecai's many specialties. The Duchampe residence was open for an art show all afternoon: ice sculptures, from a renowned Kalosian artist. After Mordecai had come in, he was left to his own devices out back, and when the sculptor returned to her work, there was nothing left but the slick ground.


As the kid explains it, he came to appreciate the finer things in life, and see if he could stash any in his pockets. He was on his best behavior when he was drawn south by the smell of propane. His nose led him to a cool puddle, and his ineptitude led him to call me for help. Not much to go on, but if I can find the burner, I may have a case.


Only a chump would take Mordecai at his word, so I went inside to question the residents. The matron of the house, Mademoiselle Duchampe, inherited the house from her grandparents, who'd had it built in Riverside over 40 years ago. She frequently traveled back and forth to Kalos, and was currently housing her long-term friend Philippe and talented sculptor Mademoiselle Richler, the charming couple I'd met outside. Seems Philippe had taken up work as Mlle. Richler's assistant, and the two had gotten romantically involved in their time together. The matron directed me to Mlle. Richler's studio on the floor above, where I'd likely find the two of them at work.


I was stopped at the stairs by Duchampe's manservant, who grumbled about my work ethic whilst loitering in the foyer. Despite the approval from the lady of the house, I was forbidden entry to the studio, lest my presence disrupt Mlle. Richler's work. I thanked him for the service and made for the west wing before his lips started flapping again.


Seems Duchampe had long been a supporter of the arts, even before providing tenancy for sculptors. When property owners around Riverside built their estates, they were as powerful as they were paranoid. The mansions were build like fortresses, with hideouts and secret escape routes from every position. By inspecting the artwork...


I'd found passage to the studio, where Mlle. Richler was working. She spoke highly of Philippe, but grew cold when I inquired about Mlle. Duchampe. Trying to keep her talking, I changed subject to the crime. The best witness is a chatty witness, and I didn't want her to lose interest before I got her account.


As she explains, she'd just finished her Meloetta installation the morning it was to be displayed. Mordecai'd managed to sneak in early, and was caught in the backyard standing in the newly-formed puddle. It was about what I'd imagined: no alibi and no other suspects.


With nothing to lose, I breached the subject of Mlle. Duchampe, and of Philippe's affections. Mlle. Richler confessed with a sigh, admitting her relationship had seemed to put a wedge between the matron and the couple. Maybe the scorned spinster took revenge against her replacement by torching the sculptor's greatest work? It was wishful thinking at best - Mordecai was still suspect number one and I'd need serious evidence to implicate Duchampe - but at least we'd found an alternative scenario.


I was getting desperate for information, so I sent Truffles off as one last shot in the dark. She must've felt pressure to impress, since she wouldn't stop 'till she'd sniffed out every square foot of the house. Smack dab in the middle of Duchampe's quarters, she started clawing at the floorboards. I shuffled them around a bit and found they were false: another trap door. After some brief moral contemplation, I opened up the matron's private hiding place.


Inside, I'd found a picture of Mlle. Duchampe and Philippe canoodling. Seems they've become closer than friends, and she's kept the affair tight under wraps. She'd had motive and opportunity, now all I needed was to find the tools of the trade.

In House Jazz A


The greenhouse out back looked promising, but I was held up by some delinquent in a motorcycle jacket.


He was about as tough as he was clever.


Inside, I bumped into a few of his playmates, as well as an older chump overseeing the operation.


Truffles hardly got a sweat worked up before dropping their teams.


Behind them, lo and behold, was the smoking gun: an old propane hand torch.


There was a path behind the estate blocked by an ice block, and I'd wanted to test my new theory, so I loaded it up and fired away. As expected, the ice melted away into a cool slush.


Down the path, I'd found a hollowed out cave used to store Mlle. Richler's materials. There was a frozen pond left in the corner of the "room," and it looked like someone'd gotten into a struggle at the water's edge. I noted the odd detail and went to question Philippe.


Like his lady, he went cold once I mentioned Duchampe. I pressed a bit harder, and when he was backed into a corner, I showed him the picture from under the matron's floorboards. He deflated like a punctured Drifblim, and confessed to having a fling with his old friend.


Reaching into his pocket, Philippe showed me a pair of rings with the most expensive-looking diamonds I'd ever laid eyes on. He'd been planning to propose for months now, and had only recently gotten his hands on engagement rings. The past affair with Duchampe, a potential threat to the wedding plans, was supposed to remain in the past. I nodded in understanding, but reminded him that I will need to use whatever evidence is necessary to conclude the case. There was nothing but utter defeat in his voice as he mouthed his agreement.
Finally, I'd gotten enough information to name a suspect. The tight-shirt summoned everyone to the reading room at my request. I recounted the evidence as I stepped in to tell them.


I never liked questioning witnesses out in public. Interrogation rooms are simple, you, me, and an empty room. When you're out on the field, you see people in groups, and their combined accounts never manage to provide any decent information. But there's one trick you can only use in that group setting to get people talking, and that's to turn them against each other.
When I mentioned the matter of Philippe and Mlle. Duchampe, the room exploded into activity without a moment's notice. Mlle. Richler was as taken aback as she was furious, and even Mordecai pitched in, as if feeding off of the others' energy. I told him to muzzle it and put the pins on the weakest link, Philippe. He was quick with an excuse, that their relationship was in the distant past, and irrelevant to the case regardless. Turning to his bride-to-be, I asked about the hostility she'd sensed lately. Duchampe was quick to deny any ill-intent, but Philippe let slip a word of denial.


The tension was about to bubble over, so I went straight to the heart of the matter, accusing the matron of a need for vengeance to soothe her scorned heart. On a hunch, I brought up the shattered pond, explaining it the aftermath of a quarrel between ex-lovers. Their stunned silence was all the confirmation I needed. Finally, the case came together in my head. I brought out the blowtorch, the vandal's tool, and fingered the perpetrator: Philippe. Emotionless, he confirmed his guilt, and walked slowly out of the room. Mlle. Richler moved to pounce on me, demanding an explanation.

IS-7 Incident (Piano Cover)


Finally ready to propose, Philippe had confronted Mlle. Duchampe about his intentions with Mlle. Richler. Duchampe was outraged, and the two fought near the frozen pond, until the rings ended up falling through a crack. He'd thought them gone forever, until they reappeared in the most unlikely place: the newly carved Meloetta statue. Philippe melted through with the blowtorch, and when his bride-to-be accused Mordecai, he took the opportunity to skirt the blame.


Mlle. Duchampe was finally ready to tell her side of the story. She'd thrown the rings away, into the water used for making ice blocks. Philippe left her alone, as he is wont to do, searching for a tool to safely reclaim them. In his absence, the lady of the house froze them and gave the sculptor new materials for her work.


With her feelings laid bare, Duchampe was free to evict her unwanted guests. Mlle. Richler chased after her beloved, but he was long gone.


I always get the same pit in my stomach after cases like these. The ones where everyone loses, where there's no relieved family members crying tears of joy, no scowling crook getting read his rights. Just cold truths.
A detective's job - my job - is to find the truth of a matter. But was this a truth worth digging up?



"Actually, it's Mrs. Lonardo now."

"...I see. Congratulations on your nuptuals."

"Thank you."


"What brings you back so soon, Philippe?"

"I came to return the money."

"Don't tell me she rejected your proposal!"

"No, nothing like that. But thank you for financing the rings, anyway."

"Hold on. You can't just leave."

"It's a bit of a story. But this detective-"

"Was his name Lafayette by any chance?"

"How did you know?"

"Lue's complained about him, he's interfered with a robbery he set up."

"He's beginning to sound like a thorn in your side."

"Something like that..."

Oh, I really like the Swinub search mechanic. That sort of thing was what I was expecting from a Pokemon Detective game, using your mons to uncover clues. Neat that they give you a tutorial with the shovel before the actual case, too. Also thank god you have more than just a Delibird now.

Still enjoy your writing style on these, it's fun to read. Seems like a cool game with decently thought out cases.

lol i'm still doing these


This time I'm not playing a fan game, but a rom hack of an official game. If you're an MFGG admin, you probably don't know the difference. Basically, instead of an off-putting fan fiction storyline and terrible programming, there's essentially no storyline and terrible programming.
This one is called Star Sapphire, a rebalance of Alpha Sapphire that changes Pokemon distribution in the wild and on trainers. The game is generally a lot harder, but also gives you much more variety in building your team. There's a few other changes like Horde Battle trainers and different shop items. I've played some other hacks by this creator and I really enjoy his work.


We're at Petalburg Gym challenging our father Norman. As a new hire in Hoenn's League, he's desperate to avoid claims of nepotism, so he vows to end his daughter's career swiftly and mercilessly.


I like that they show you a wireframe of the badge before you challenge the leader. In a normal playthrough you'd almost always win first try, but the increased difficulty means it takes a few attempts to actually get the badge. Good way of building suspense imo


His first pick is an Ambipom with Fake Out/Double Hit/Knock-Off/U-Turn. He's weak as shit, but he can be very annoying. I lead with our Mawile Lilin since she resists literally every move he has. We always lose the first turn due to Fake Out, but the Rocky Helmet gets does a bit of damage anyway.


Ambipom realizes he's incapable of winning this match-up and uses U-Turn to switch out. I like the animation for U-Turn, even if it doesn't show an actual U-Turn


Here's an Ursaring with Guts. I think he knows Earthquake and Double-Edge, and maybe some other shit idk. It's definitely going to kill Lilin with an Earthquake if it gets the chance...


...so I switch Leaf in to tank the hit. Is the fucking Ursaring t-posing?


Leaf gets in a Leaf Storm and manages to kill the Ursaring before it can attack again. She probably would've fallen on the next hit, so this is a really nice stroke of luck.


NEXT UP IS A MYSTERIOUS ASSHOLE THROWING GARBAGE CANS


AW SHIT IT'S DIGGERSBY
I kinda fucked up here. I switched Sacs in thinking he had an Air Balloon. He did not. My Arbok Regnad does, so she comes in and devours her prey whole. This poor fuck was both paralysed and confused, and never managed to get a second attack in. RIP


Rip
Slaking is really cool imo and I love his dumb gimmick ability Truant. Norman shows it off to the best of its ability by using Giga Impact, which wastes the next turn anyway. I think the only party member that can survive a hit of this is Lilin at full health.


But it doesn't matter how strong it is if it never hits! I have Sacs use Dig on the Slaking's charge up turns, so she's underground when the Giga Impact comes out. It doesn't do much damage, but he's slowly chipping away and healing every turn with Leftovers.


Eventually he runs out of power. This Slaking doesn't know any other moves, so it slowly struggles itself to death while Sacs keeps healing.


Here's Exploud I hate him
I think this bitch also only knows one move since it just uses Boomburst every turn. Cool I guess? The overall gimmick of this boss battle seems to be extremely straightforward power. It's a simple opponent, but it lets the player do a lot of creative shit in response. Anyway, Sacs wears it down with the Dig + Leftovers strategy again.


But I'm a stupid asshole and let him die even though he has a good healing move. Tbh I confused Boomburst with a completely different move so I thought this was a justified loss
Lilin punches him really hard and he exploudes


Oh fuck oh shit
So one of the gimmicks of this hack is that you have to fight mega evolutions way more. Mega Kangaskhan hits really fucking hard and has ways around a lot of gimmicky shit, so this is pretty tough.


Lilin died off-screen so here's Leaf. Something like half Norman's team has Earthquake so she has been invaluable in surviving the bullshit, This is actually Fake Out though; I guess the AI is programmed to always use it if it can?


Leaf gets cucked out of dealing the finishing blow and Norman uses a fucking Max Potion so it was basically all pointless. Now Xavier here is primed and ready to kick ass. He's my best option for this gym, so I tried to keep him healthy to come in at the decisive moment.


He actually gets the kill without taking any damage here. Low Sweep lowers speed and took out two-thirds of her health in one shot, making it a guaranteed kill next turn. Good gym battle Norman it was fun


Ah not this bitch again


Xavier is weak to half of Ambipom's moveset, so I bring out my ace in the hole. The AI did correctly go for U-Turn, meaning I made the right play and I'm really good at Pokemon despite what Draku says. Galbo has a Choice Band, knows Hammer Arm and fucking hates purple monkeys


One quick display of gorilla strength and we get the gym badge. This attempt went really well, but it was like my eighth shot at it. I actually ended up biking out of town and buying extra items and shit just to counter some of the bullshit Norman pulls


Norman is conflicted: he's surely out of a job and he's humilated himself in front of his only child, but he can live vicariously through her successes.

Thanks for reading, remember to like and subscribe for more content! Join me in 2021 when I fumble through Brock in a kaizo Pokemon Red hack.

Wow that seems genuinely difficult, those levels too. Thanks for keeping on doing these. Maybe someday you'll learn how to play Pokemon properly!!


good cap