So, I'm actually starting this one off with an image. Specifically, this downright baffling graffiti I saw on the way. As far as my clearly incapable brain can tell, it reads "A STAMPEDE KILLED SUPEPERM[A]N", and after really taking a moment to process it, to check the ol' textbooks, I came to the conclusion that this doesn't make any fucking sense. Regardless though, whoever managed to misspell Superman as Supeperman should probably be right there in death with him though, because as far as I know, the dead don't have a government anyway, which should indeed be a comfort to the lad.

Once I managed to put out the fire in my brain and reached the playground, I was rather let down by how uh, generic and forgettable this place looks. It's not very big, it's not particularly interesting in design or activities, and it looks like another forgotten wasteland of a park. Let's see if that's actually the case, or if my expectations are just needlessly pessimistic after some of these past ones.

What immediately caught my eye were these two generic fuckers over here. I'll give the horse some credit, he does actually hurt a lot less to ride on than the sterilization squirrel from back in Cimarron Park, but his spring is just too long and loose, so rather than rock around, he just kind of flops to one side, usually the front, and vaguely wiggle around if you try to move. Off to the glue factory with this one.

Meanwhile the whale is kind of like the last rocker likethis that I tried, unfathombly small seat, to where again, non-toddler kids are basically screwed. As am I, the grown man who reviews playgrounds. Maybe older kids are expected to go use the horse instead, and that seems like a solution, but I'm about to stop you there, dickweed. Newsflash: the horse sucks dick.

These are almost always kind of shit, but these two are disappointing in a deep, resonant sense.

As an entrance point, there's this glider as per the usual. When I showed up, it was kind of sitting in the middle, and as I went to move it, it took a lot of effort to push back to one side, making me think this was gonna be completely rusted garbage.

To my surprise, I must have been moving it at a bad angle or something, because it was actually pretty smooth. I'm quite satisfied with this one, even if it wasn't anything amazing.

Ugh, I'm sorry but this is really fucking boring. The most I can say about the climbing wall thing is that the ladder is at a bit of an uncomfortable angle to climb, a pretty awkward midway point being truly tilted and straight up. Either one probably would have felt a lot better, this feels like a vertical climbing wall but tilted just enough to be somehow more slippery than it would be if it was straight down.

As for the climbing thing, what am I even supposed to comment on? This park is fucking boring, dude. Everything is about exactly as generic and moderately substandard as you would expect. Look at this ugly green son of a bitch, it's like playing as the default character in an rpg with a character creator.

Case in point: this downright hideous meme wheel. It looks like it's from the goddamn 50s, and doesn't even spin particularly well, sorely needing somewhere between a light spritz and a massive barrel of oil.

And yeah, there's a bridge connecting meme wheel hell to the actual part of the park with a slide, but it doesn't do anything interesting. No wobble or even like, an arch to it. It's literally a straight line from one end to the other.

While this one looks equally weathered to the one that hurt my hands, this pole is still decent and didn't fuck me up at all. I think some paint is still missing, but it is low to the ground so no one should have any real trouble here.

As for the slide, I'd say it's pretty good, but there's a bit of a catch to it. The way the bottom part is angled on a bit of an incline, unlike how a slide normally does it, which is with at least a bit of a flat area to slow down. As a result, your legs kind of catch the ground at the end, but not quite enough to where it's comfortable to transition from sliding to standing.

That probably doesn't make any sense outside of my very tired brain, but I promise that it makes sense to me, and isn't that really all that matters?

The swings are fine though, even if the chain is a bit short here. They swing alright, even if they are a bit noisy, and the seats are generally flexible enough to be at least a little comfortable. The problem is...

These swings are utterly tainted by this sandal. I guess someone just left it here, but the fact that it's just been sitting here covered in dust is just extra depressing. I bet whoever lost it literally even forgot what park they were at, considering what this place is like. I feel like I can't really call it totally awful or dangerous or anything, but it's so bland and... forgettable. This is why, I have to make the following claim:

THE VERDICT: 3/10

There is genuinely nothing here even worth thinking about. I've made this same point like three times now, but jesus christ the graffiti on the way here was probably the most interesting thing to come out of all this.

Much like the sandal sitting by the swings, this playground doesn't mean anything anymore. Forgotten and discarded, it will likely sit for the rest of its days. Ideally until it's bulldozed to put in another pirate park or something, but maybe that's just wishful thinking on my part.

but who took the final pic

Seems like a by-the-book playground, which could be ok, if it was more than like... one small-ish structure. That's really lame. Even only two kids could get pretty bored with so little there.

but who took the final pic

📸🐋

supeperman?