Ladies and gentlemen, Satanists of all ages! Many times have I shown off my awesome fighting prowess in the World Martial Arts Tournament. And now, I’m here before y’all to bring my awesomeness to a new stage! I dunno why my agents enlisted me in this weird reality show, but it’s as clear as daylights to me that you all need to be whipped into shape real good! Which is why I’m holding a tournament of my own! Are you all ready for....SATANMANIA?!

-How it works is simpler than a mentally challenged chicken! The first four people to post here are deemed official contestants, and after they’re entered into the bracket, one match is held per night in the Stage to determin’ who advances! Once one fighter remains at the end of Night 3, that person then must face one last challenge: yours truly! In the impossible event that you get me to temporarily lose, you get my prized belt storing spooooky powers!

-Oh, but a shiny pants-securin’, children-beatin’ strip o’ leather isn’t the only incentive I have to offer. Nosiree, ya get a special protection that comes as a part of your contract! Anyone who signs up for my tournament becomes 90% less likely to be murdered! Eliminated, that is, my agent only told me the execs prefer cool lingo for this reality show. Oh, and this upgrade only lasts so long as you’re still in the running, of course!

So come on, then! You think you have a good shot against the World’s Strongest Man? Throw your hat in the ring and prove your worth!

This post was last modified: Aug 21, 2020 at 7:32 PM by Demopan.

How many keys is that belt worth?

Sign me up

I am coming for that belt, Mr. Satan. Count me in.

Honk.

What's this, some kind of contest?

I'll enter, but only because I like your name.

Dude, this sounds like some awesome wrestling ring! I'm absolutely going to watch this by the front seat.

Signups’re now closed shut! Introducing the Elite Four of Killing Game Warriors: Demopan, the mad bomber! Hideo Kojima, the man whose gears are solid like metal! Goose, the terror of Canada! And Ms. Satan herself. LUUUUCIFER!

Here’s how things are going to play out for the next few days:

Night 1: Demoman vs. Kojima
Night 2: Goose vs. Lucifer
Night 3: N1 Winner vs. N2 Winner
Night 4: N3 Winner vs. the undefeated champion Mr. Satan in the flesh!

Our first match will be a martial arts brawl, the basis of all competition! Use whatever means necessary (clean er otherwise, creativity’s encouraged here!) to knock your opponent out like a sack of bricks first or, a classic in my homeland, getting ‘im out of the ring! I have a thing against “killing”, though, I make less money if we have a TV-MA rating. So, only use nonlethal attacks! Maim and gore each other as much as ya like, but one slip of the F-word and thatsa censoring! Good luck!

Feelin' sorry to see a maker of such scrumptious chicken leave so soon, but it's probably fer the better. I dunno why, I had a....bad feelin' about that man.

But regardless! @Lucifer and @Goose, come on up! Only this time, no fisticuffs are going to be involved! Not only must the world's strongest fighter know the ins and outs of martial arts, but they must also master the art of showmanship! That's why this night's challenge will be one of those new-fangled rap battles the younguns are always on about! Perform a diss track of 4-8 stanzas slammin' your opponent, and the contestant with the most devastating piece wins! Stay tuned!

(P.S. You may be a good animal actor, Goose, but I know yer capable of more then that! Make your track nothin' but the word "honk", and yer out of the ring! I won't even consider ya!)