This post was last modified: Dec 30, 2020 at 3:48 AM by Satan.

I woke from my bed, already feeling demotivated. The plan for today was to visit Duchess. My last visit to Duchess was over a year ago. The lobby was always filthy and I witnessed an employee take a tray out of the trash and place it onto the stack of clean trays without washing it. I couldn't even begin to imagine what kind of disgusting habits they had begun to pick up now that the lobby was closed due to COVID-19. With no eyes to keep a close watch on them they could be doing anything in there!

I arrived early in the afternoon and pulled into the driveway. I ordered a Chili Cheeseburger. "What size would you like?" the woman asked me through the speaker.
"Oh, I don't want the combo. Just the sandwich." I replied.
"I know, but do you want a big one or a small one?".
I was confused. I requested whatever the small one was so I could have room to try more items. I also ordered a Chili Dog (Small), 9 Piece Nuggets, and a side of fries.
When I reached the window I tried peeking inside to see what kind of horrid health violations were in effect, but was unable to get a good look. The girl at the window handed me my bag of food and told me to get a move on. Rude. I didn't even get to ask her what her favorite horny item on the menu was.

Upon arriving home I tore open my bag and inspected the meal.


First up, the Chill Cheeseburger. Thankfully none of the items had mayonnaise to begin with. At least this goddamn place can get something right. Finding the actual burger required some work. Now I know what it was called small. And that white stuff? I'm pretty sure it's supposed to be American cheese.

I took a bite. Pretty much all I could taste was the chili and onions. The burger, being so small to begin with, might as well have not even been there. The only thing the burger served to do was add some extra chewiness.

1/5
Pointless vehicle for awful chili.

The Chili Dog is next up on the list. I took a bite and was once again found that the chili overpowered everything. I did find the dog buried deep inside. For some reason it was very tough. I had trouble biting into it. After consuming about half of the chili dog I made the decision that I had enough chili. I then squeezed off the remaining chili and finished the hot dog. I hate wasting food, but it had to be done if I was to finish this mess.

1/5
Pointless vehicle for awful chili.

Now for the final part of the meal. The 9 Piece Nuggets. I had gotten this once before and remembered them being awful. Have they improved? No, not in the slightest. First of all they did not even give me nine nuggets. They gave me twelve. It's hard to see from the image, but trust me on this. The nuggets are each approximately the size of my thumb. One saving grace I suppose is that the nuggets are actually chunked up chicken tenders, rather than processed chicken paste like in your traditional nugget. It would probably be more accurate to call these chicken chunks than chicken nuggets.

My next complaint is that the nuggets are swimming in grease. You can see the pool in the top left of the box. I squeezed a nugget and watched the grease drip into a puddle. Absolutely disgusting.

Enough with the visual inspection, it's time to eat. I took a bite and my mouth was filled with the greasiness of the chicken. Nothing special, just a bad chicken nugget. I picked up the next nugget and bit in. What the fuck? This one wasn't even fully cooked! I then proceeded to tear apart each nugget before eating to ensure that it was actually cooked. Now I know why they gave me more nuggets than what I ordered. It turned out that there weren't even nine edible nuggets in the lot.

0/5
Inedible.

Once again I have proven that nobody deserves a second chance.

oh my god they have big and small sandwiches??

WHY IS THERE A CHILI BURGER

and jesus christ the amount of chili on that dog, that is insane

i would say getting 12 nuggets when you order 9 would be great, but managing to somehow fuck up something as easy to ace as nuggets is downright impressive. damn.

that's not a chili dog, that's just a chili
I don't have a sonic dupe but know that if I did, I'd brand that chili with a sigil of disapproval

i'm gonna fucking throw up. this is a hundred times worse than what i expected. literally nauseating. i'm so sorry satan; i hope you at least enjoy your new career as a morgan spurlock type fast food grossness exposer

That chili looks like they took it out of the can and dumped it in a blender
Why in the fuck is that their main attraction