So, to kick it off, I'm going to begin with a playground only a mere ten minutes from my home. I have walked by this location many times, usually under the veil of darkness, but today is different. Today I am shrouded instead by the smoke and ash, formerly known as the state of Montana, just south of here.

But regardless, let's take a look at our location for today.

A nice little spot, to be sure. Smoky, yes, but nice nonetheless. You may note, upon first glance, that the ground consists of gravel, as opposed to the more modern shredded tire method of cushioning falls. Considering the recent status of the park, this is a strange choice, but I assure you that this mild fault does not detract very many points from my review, as it works well enough for the purpose it serves.

Taking a look over at the swings, they are fairly standard. Effective in their simplicity, but the design is nowhere near eye catching enough for the discerning swinger. Also note the paper plate buried in the gravel beneath, perhaps a remnant of a meal long past. Despite the historical relevance this artifact brings to the swings, it also makes them look rather unappealing and filthy. However, all-in-all, they are passable.

Less passable, are the climbing wall and what I have taken to call the wobbly green log. The climbing wall is an immense disappointment, as it is only the height of an average fully grown human, making any sort of play on it rather redundant and pointless. The wobbly green log, despite showing promise, is just simply not wobbly enough to make standing on it fun or really a challenge at all. One would expect it to perhaps spin, like a rolling log would, but it merely wobbles from side to side, doing frankly not enough to hold my interest.

These are fairly standard stepping... things. You get what you pay for here, and I paid nothing.

Now, you may have noticed something so far, where are the slides? Well, that's simple:

The complete idiots who designed this playground managed to somehow fuck up a SLIDE. A sloping, curved piece of metal, and these absolute jackasses managed to not only make it suck, but make it suck so much that it had to be recalled.

And it doesn't end there!

Moving around to the other side of the thing, there's ANOTHER recalled side. They fucked up TWO SLIDES.

Human stupidity truly knows no bounds, friends.

Climbing onto the playground gave me a few options, but it was between this spiral step thing and a ladder, so I picked the more fun one. Unfortunately, due to a LACK OF SLIDES, there wasn't much to do besides cross this bridge and lose to myself at tic-tac-toe. Embarrassing, both on my part and the part of the builders. There were a few maze-type games up there too, however I neglected to photograph them, on the grounds that they genuinely were so easy that a child could do them blindfolded.

However, I doubt the designers could, after the incompetence they have displayed thus far.

THE VERDICT: 4/10

Unfortunately, I went into this playground with high hopes, as I had passed it by so many times, but the lack of slides and really, things to DO besides swing and step on the green log really dock this playground some points. With at least one decent slide, and some mazes less geared towards casuals, perhaps it could have been a 7, but as it stands, it's a disappointment that leaves me deeply shaken.

I'll see you tomorrow, for the next episode in this saga.

when you don't have enough ex to autoplay some xfiles on this post

wow what an awful park. i hope you find some other parks that are better

when you don't have enough ex to autoplay some xfiles on this post

Got ur back fam

wow what an awful park. i hope you find some other parks that are better

I do as well.

I have high hopes for the next one, but seeing as they were crushed this time around, I am understandably concerned.

great content

how do you fuck up a slide. seriously

review format is nice, amt of photographs too

How fine was the gravel? Would it be painful to fall on or walk on without shoes?

How fine was the gravel? Would it be painful to fall on or walk on without shoes?

Excellent question. I did in fact jump from a relatively large height, and it did a good job of cushioning the blow. I feel as if it would also be not entirely unpleasant to walk on without shoes.

watch out for needles

how do you fuck up a slide. seriously

make the edges too fucking sharp

how long til fwd gets arrested for suspicious behaviour?

how do you fuck up a slide. seriously

make the edges too fucking sharp

sounds like an experience you had

nah i just remember hearing that around the time the slides were actually recalled
last i checked they were plastic slides too so HOW

can we have Dude verify all of these parks as well