After being called out by Draku in a previous thread I decided to take a crack at this whole playground review thing myself. Halfway between my office and apartment is Iroquois Elementary School. I didn't know about it until recently because it's pretty well hidden.

As I mentioned in Discord, people in this area are very protective of their children and also own guns. Probably. This does not bode well for an adult male wandering onto playgrounds. However, this elementary school is located conveniently right behind a state police station. That safety is a plus. A negative though is that by car it's confusing as fuck to get to. There are four roads that go to it and they are all one way. Only one of them is in the direction you want and it was the last one I checked. Maybe this school was positioned by some strategic genius?

Anyways, onto the review. I pulled up to the playground with 50 Cent's P.I.M.P. blasting in my car. It was either that or one of ten gospel radio stations.

Right away we can see that underneath all of the equipment are wood chips. Pretty good, these are softer than gravel. In the background there are plenty of swings. I remember back in my elementary school days my posse had control over the swings and wouldn't let anyone else use them. Here there seem to be enough that this issue wouldn't happen. In the foreground are some monkey bars. For some reason there is a trash can on one end. Maybe they dispose of the bad kids with this by having them climb across and drop into the garbage.

Here is the middle of the park. Pretty basic stuff, just more shit to climb. There is a decent variety so they get points for that. There is a gravel path that runs through the middle. I don't understand why they decided to mix gravel in with the wood chips. Off in the distance you can see the police station.

Finally, the best part of the playground. I did not take an actual photograph of it because there were two young girls playing on it and they were guarded by some high school boy. He didn't have a shirt on so you know he meant business. He also had a do-rag. If it wasn't for him I probably could have beaten up the two girls and gotten a chance to play on the swing. Instead you get this stock photo I found online with two young boys instead. But I digress. Try to tell me that thing doesn't look fun as fuck. You'd be wrong. It's like a tire swing but without the bees inside.

THE VERDICT: 4/10
No selfie though because I don't roll like that.

This playground wasn't awful but it was kind of small and didn't have much variety to its elements. Everything was either shit to climb on or a swing. I know I said that the variety of climbable objects was good but at least give me a slide, tic-tac-toe, or even a meme wheel to play with when I get bored of climbing. I was going to score it lower but the plentiful swings and cool saucer swing boosted it up.

I got back in my car and started to drive away when I noticed this hidden behind the school.

Unfortunately it is totally fenced in and the only two gates have padlocks on them. I'm not sure if this is to keep trespassers out or the children in. Maybe both? Apparently I didn't take a picture of it and you can't see it from this angle, but there is a fire truck playground thing similar to the dump truck at Nicholas Sheran Elementary in FWD's review yesterday.

I did not take an actual photograph of it because there were two young girls playing on it and they were guarded by some high school boy. He didn't have a shirt on so you know he meant business. He also had a do-rag. If it wasn't for him I probably could have beaten up the two girls and gotten a chance to play on the swing.

LMFAO

good guest review, that playground looks kind of barebones but the climbable stuff is a plus i guess

I didn't know about it until recently because it's pretty well hidden.

i agree!!!!! the garrison ended and i didnt even see this thread until now!!!

I remember back in my elementary school days my posse had control over the swings and wouldn't let anyone else use them.

Maybe they dispose of the bad kids with this by having them climb across and drop into the garbage.

I did not take an actual photograph of it because there were two young girls playing on it and they were guarded by some high school boy. He didn't have a shirt on so you know he meant business. He also had a do-rag.

No selfie though because I don't roll like that.

BOOOOO at LEAST post an anime or a bionicle or something