this next one is called Touhou: Danmakuronpa. to aid readers unfamiliar with the nihon, or Japanese, culture, this translates to Eastern: Curtain Fire Refutation. i will be using that name for the remainder of the thread


i wrote this part before actually playing the game because i think this’ll probably be a trainwreck and i needed to commit somehow to play this shit. both of these series are a fucking enigma to me even though i’ve tried to play these games. i’m kinda hoping this’ll be a visual novel that just suddenly turns into a shmup at parts. at least that way i’ll have gameplay to talk about


this is the installation screen. normally i wouldn’t give a shit but seeing this screen genuinely made me want to delete the game off my computer and find something else. holy fucking shit. why is the meatbun reimu in this? that’s not a good character.
uhhh it looks like youmu is the player character of this game? she looks kinda like naegi from Bullet Refutation 1. not sure why they’d pick her but she has a katana, or japanese sword, so she’s cool in my book.


oh FUCK
it’s an RPG MAKER GAME
more Doujin (self-published work) Woes.
this game was made in fucking RPG Maker 2000 or something. idk much about the Bullet Refutation series but i’m pretty sure they came out way after 2000, so this game was dated as hell before it even came out. anyway, the method they used for rendering in full screen doesn’t exist anymore? so when i launched the game it gave me a white screen and then crashed.
normally you would open a config file or something but that would just be way too easy.
eventually i found out some command line shit that you can append whenever you run the game to force it into windowed mode. so now it opens but it’s at a resolution smaller than @"zelma"’s dick
c’est la vie (TN note: means such is life)


finally got to the title screen. i didn’t want to bring this up before because i considered it to be a Cursed Idea but it looks like the fucking meat bun head thing is the main villain? she’s posed opposite our hero girl here and it looks like her left eye is a sharingan (TN note: ???)


i hit up the new game and get to this screen where it asks me if i want to start another new game. thanks dudes, sometimes i accidentally drop a box of rocks on my keyboard and they happen to hit a bunch of keys while i’m starting up a video game. v. considerate design.
the UI looks so much like Bullet Refutation that it might actually be stolen. idk. maybe that’s a positive thing for a parody game?
on the right is the difficulty select. the bottom option is for shooting segments and i’d guess the top one is for logic segments. it does go up to lunatic mode if you have a fetish for dying repeatedly in little girl laser battle games. thank god


the game starts out on this rooftop and there’s like 6 dialogue boxes of just ellipses. they say some shit then the scene ends. the text is all in japanese ofc. but i’ll do my best to translate. from what i understand they were up here practicing their vape tricks and they wanted to be quiet in case there were rival vapers trying to steal tech.


bam there’s our hero youmu “ms. pak-man” konpaku. her mom picked out that sweater vest for her. she doesn’t show up much in other parts since the game is usually first person. to film this scene they actually had to have her run all the way around the world in about a quarter of her second so she caught her after-image. pretty impressive.


youmu confused her dad’s prescription back medicine for flintstone’s vitamins and she’s beginning to feel the effects. smh girl you’re in no condition to be wandering through the spooky forest at night


her memory of the next several hours is foggy at best, but she becomes lucid late the next day after school.
you get to investigate various shit around the room, and when you click on something a big dumb question mark flies out her eyeballs and explodes on the screen. then text comes up.
the cursor is kind of a lie tho. you don’t control it directly, it just automatically goes to the next valid item when you press left and right. i’m taking a point off for that, and another point for not making it a yin-yang symbol like in the logo.


youmu walks out of class and starts heading towards burger king for the new king whopper meal, but this bunny girl interrupts her by falling on her ass right in the middle of the hallway. youmu helps her up, and she introduces herself as olivia rabbit. olivia used to be a cartoon rabbit, but she was bit by a radioactive human during WW2 nuclear experiments and now wanders the earth, never able to return home.
i kinda neglected to mention it earlier but there’s something fucked up about everyone’s face in this game. it’s like they used to be 3D and then someone just tried to take away one of the Ds.
anyway olivia is late for basketball practice and youmu decides to accompany her so she doesn’t permanently damage her coccyx.


in the gym they encounter all these dipshits. the screen isn’t actually big enough to fit all these characters so normally you’d see it slowly scroll past them, but i composited the images.
everyone introduces themselves one by one here. starting from the far right:
jenny, a Canadian exchange student who dreams of one day becoming a poet.
phoebe, captain of the basketball team. she has a pet snake named snappy that she loves very dearly.
susan, who has actually graduated high school but due to a clerical error she had to start her entire schooling career over again.
lilly. lilly is a lesbian but she hasn’t told anyone yet. she practices the piano and one day wants to play in the grand orchestra.
alice, from alice in wonderland! she makes a special cameo appearance as part of a cross-promotion deal with disney.
kirisame-san, a cosplayer. she actually attends a Christian school on the other side of town, but hangs out here in protest of their strict dress code.
rebecca, the class president. rebecca’s great-grandfather invented the chocolate twinkie, and her entire family is rich off of the inheritance.
sarah. sarah is interested in sewing, but decided to take up basketball to prove she’s more than just a girly-girl.
jen. jen is just a carbon copy of the hall monitor guy from Bullet Refutation. you could literally just swap them out and nothing would change.
mimi from A/V club. mimi used to be homeschooled, but you’d never know it from talking to her. overall a great girl.
alicia. alicia wants to be a maid, but she’s severely allergic to pretty much every cleaning chemical. still, she bought the outfit and she wants to get some use out of it.
patty. patty wears a hat every fucking day because she thinks her hair is messy, but it’s actually fine and she’d look great if she just got rid of the stupid ass hat.
monica. monica has a terminal illness and used her make a wish to join this basketball team. however, the disease only kicks in at 105 years old.
and finally courtney, a neo-nazi. the other neo-nazis don’t appreciate her extremist views, so she’s limited to posting angry tweets and buying memorabilia on ebay.


you talk to them all one on one and every character gets a flashy title card thing personalized to them.
this one for susan tells you she’s the ninth best hold ‘em player in the state. you go, susan
this next part is so profoundly horrifying it shook me to the very core of my soul. i’ve recorded it as a video so you can experience it in its full glory.


holy fuck
so the head mistress horrible meat ball thing tells the rest of the girls that basketball is cancelled. susan gets pissed off and insists on playing anyway, but they don’t have any equipment


so she grabs monohead and slam dunks her out of existence. fucking radical
that scene is great but after that there’s 20 minutes of fucking nothing interesting happening. i’ll try to abridge it as much as i can. basically after that all the girls go upstairs and get rooms at the holiday inn attached to their school. next morning youmu wanders around for hours trying to make friends. however, her katana skills far outmatch her social skills and she struggles.


i spent a long fucking time wandering around the entire school talking to every character. basically every room has a little vignette with a few characters talking about some bullshit. most of them get interrupted by the bouncing head though. i took shots of a couple just to show off what it looks like.
phoebe here is hanging out in the men’s bathroom because she believes that pissing standing up is the secret to success.
susan has partnered with a small, local toy and hobby distributor to have her branding applied to slot machines. players will hope that susan’s luck can be transferred to them through the machine.
and jen was standing in the hallway being a dick. fuck you jen
this shit repeats itself for several in-game days with nothing of interest happening. i genuinely don’t understand why they chose to have so much text in a parody joke game, especially when so much of it is side-content. there were two separate instances of “free-time” here, and both times i just made youmu go to be immediately.


uh this bitch also shows up. she’s in the announcer’s room talking to monobow. her name is camille and she believes that by wearing a boat on her head, she can one day become a boat.
really nothing interesting happens for a long ass time. it’s kind of ridiculous


then OH SHIT SUSAN IS FUCKING DEAD.
what kind of monster could kill a beautiful ray of sunshine like susan?


then the game gives me a title card telling me that chapter 01 is starting.
are you fucking kidding me? that entire half hour dialogue sequence wasn’t even chapter 1? what fucking chapter was it? zero? was it a fraction?
i can’t keep playing this game dudes. it’s so bad.


new review: mitsurugi kamui hikae. it’s on doujinstyle fsr so it counts, even if i’m playing the steam version.
this game is about a sword waifu stylishly fucking up all the bitch ass oni yakuza in her prefecture.


here you can see my schoolgirl vergil gf chopping a robot businessman with her katana. check that 8 hit combo :cool:


then she sheathes her sword because lol, she doesn’t even need a sword for these losers. then that one guy in the background explodes into like a million litres of blood.
overall mitsurugi kamui hikae is a great game for when you want to chop up some demons with a katana, and i feel that way pretty much 7 days a week.


i give it 5 jelly donuts out of five.

jesus fucking christ

LOL