(yeah I realize that this format is weird, but with a fic as glorious as this, I figured I just had to. here's the story to prove I'm not making any of this shit up, and props to aidan for providing me this piece of art)
Ladies and gentlemen, shitposters of all ages, today we're facing the match of a generation! On one side of the ring, we have the Flavortown Fighter, the Culinary Conquerer himself, it's Guy Fieri! And on the other side, we have the entirety of the WWE! That's right, folks, The Guy thinks he's so strong, so steroid-inducing manly, that he challenged every single wrestler in existence! Shoo your children out of the room, because this could turn ugly!
But first, some backstory for those tuning in for the first time. On his shuttle, Guy Fieri is having a hard-earned rest in preparation for the big day, when in his dream none other than Kylo Ren pops up! Darth Angst explains that he's using astral projection magic to appear his dream, and he assures The Guy that once he trains with the Saiyan warrior Goku, who he just disabled Planet Namek with (buy the "Guy Fieri vs DBZ" DVD for more info, in stores now!), the match will be as good as his. He commands The Guy to return to Earth, where Wrestlemania will be taking place, and The Guy bows down and accepts.
He wakes up, and immediately he sees Rey Mysterio on the ceiling! Why was he on the shuttle? Well, even I don't know! Rey jumps down to place himself on The Guy's....rock hard schwang.....but The Guy, wanting to train with Goku instead.....blasts him off with a mountain of splooge? This is going to be edited out of the final broadcast, right?
Anyway, Guy thinks to himself that Rey can't know about his plan, which is to use him to befriend the one and only MR. MCMAHON so he can defeat the WWE.
Boy, if only he realized he was thinking aloud! The Guy, Rey, and Goku trained and trained until they were strong enough to curbstomp any opponent in their way! When they arrived at the stadium, many disgusting manly tears were shed when they had to bid Goku farewell. The Guy waved his hand in front of Rey's face and asked him to take him to Mr. McMahon, and Rey said yes without hesitation. Little does he know, The Guy's other alias is Darth Insipid, and he performed a Jedi Mind Trick on Rey to sway him! Because everyone knows The Guy is a Sith Lord!
Rey takes him to meet Mr. McMahon face to face. McMahon, only knowing The Guy from his food show, refuses at first to let a simple food junkie into his ring, but Rey tells him that The Guy has grown strong; he's eaten senzu beans, he trained in a room sixteen times Earth's gravity for Christ's sake! But even still, McMahon won't budge. The Guy stepped in, and all it took was a Jedi Mind Trick to convince h-Wait, if it was that easy, why the hell did he need Rey's help in the first place? Are we sure this wrestler's all that smart?
Ahem, sorry. The Guy strides down the ramp into the ring, and at last, Wrestlemania begins! Llllllet's get ready to rumbllllllll-*cough* christ I can't do this anymore
On the opposite ramp, boulders start raining down everywhere. You guessed it, the Rock is the The Guy's first opponent, and the crowd is going wild (that, or they're screaming because of the flamethrower The Rock is shooting)! The Rock says his signature catchphrase, "I see a Roo D Poop Canyd Ass standing before me," but before he could utter another word, The Guy takes off his sunglasses and shoots lasers out of his eyes! It makes sense! And just like that, Dwayne Johnson is reduced to a pile of rubble!
Suddenly, The Guy sees a cloaked figure high fiving and flipping off his fans at the same time. He removes the cloak, and it turns out to be none other than Stone Cold Steve Austin! In the blink of an eye, he sends the Guy flying with a Stone Cold Stunner! Oh, the humanity! But wait, what's this? The Guy kicks out of his Stunner and gives a body slam to Austin! I can hardly believe it! The Guy flies down on Steve Austin, and with that final blow, he's done for!
Hold on, are those trumpets I'm hearing? Can it be? YES, JOHN CENA HAS ARRIVED ON THE RING! The Guy and Cena engage each other in a brutal staring contest, but The Guy ain't having it, and he punches Cena in the face! Cena shouts "You can't see me!" and waves his hand in front of his face, and The Guy does the exact same. I'll be damned, he's used another Mind Trick, and now Cena is apparently blind! The crafty son of a bitch! He picks Cena up and-OOO, that was a nasty back breaker! He's got him pinned, but alas, Cena breaks out!
He shouts "For every wish a kid makes, I get 1% stronger! CENATION, ASSEMBLE!"
Wait, what's happening? A bunch of Make-A-Wish kids have formed a line and-no, it can't be! He's pulling out a nearby cannon! He's going to use the forbidden move, The Nickelodeon Kid's Choice Cannon! Just like that, all our sponsors are going down the drain! He fires a few kids at The Guy, but he manages to dodge all of 'em! He pulls down the mic, and I think this next speech is going to be legendary!
It looks like Cena is scared out of his mind! The Guy kicks in his stomach, and he pulls on his ear until they're at the ringpost! He throws Cena up in the air and-CHRIST, WITH GOD AS MY WITNESS, HE GAVE HIM A CURVE STOMP IN THE AIR! Cena can't take any more! The Guy has won Wrestlemania! That was the most brilliant and most stupid thing I've seen in my entire life! This is your announcer, signing off!
Ladies and gentlemen, shitposters of all ages, today we're facing the match of a generation! On one side of the ring, we have the Flavortown Fighter, the Culinary Conquerer himself, it's Guy Fieri! And on the other side, we have the entirety of the WWE! That's right, folks, The Guy thinks he's so strong, so steroid-inducing manly, that he challenged every single wrestler in existence! Shoo your children out of the room, because this could turn ugly!
But first, some backstory for those tuning in for the first time. On his shuttle, Guy Fieri is having a hard-earned rest in preparation for the big day, when in his dream none other than Kylo Ren pops up! Darth Angst explains that he's using astral projection magic to appear his dream, and he assures The Guy that once he trains with the Saiyan warrior Goku, who he just disabled Planet Namek with (buy the "Guy Fieri vs DBZ" DVD for more info, in stores now!), the match will be as good as his. He commands The Guy to return to Earth, where Wrestlemania will be taking place, and The Guy bows down and accepts.
He wakes up, and immediately he sees Rey Mysterio on the ceiling! Why was he on the shuttle? Well, even I don't know! Rey jumps down to place himself on The Guy's....rock hard schwang.....but The Guy, wanting to train with Goku instead.....blasts him off with a mountain of splooge? This is going to be edited out of the final broadcast, right?
Anyway, Guy thinks to himself that Rey can't know about his plan, which is to use him to befriend the one and only MR. MCMAHON so he can defeat the WWE.
Boy, if only he realized he was thinking aloud! The Guy, Rey, and Goku trained and trained until they were strong enough to curbstomp any opponent in their way! When they arrived at the stadium, many disgusting manly tears were shed when they had to bid Goku farewell. The Guy waved his hand in front of Rey's face and asked him to take him to Mr. McMahon, and Rey said yes without hesitation. Little does he know, The Guy's other alias is Darth Insipid, and he performed a Jedi Mind Trick on Rey to sway him! Because everyone knows The Guy is a Sith Lord!
Rey takes him to meet Mr. McMahon face to face. McMahon, only knowing The Guy from his food show, refuses at first to let a simple food junkie into his ring, but Rey tells him that The Guy has grown strong; he's eaten senzu beans, he trained in a room sixteen times Earth's gravity for Christ's sake! But even still, McMahon won't budge. The Guy stepped in, and all it took was a Jedi Mind Trick to convince h-Wait, if it was that easy, why the hell did he need Rey's help in the first place? Are we sure this wrestler's all that smart?
Ahem, sorry. The Guy strides down the ramp into the ring, and at last, Wrestlemania begins! Llllllet's get ready to rumbllllllll-*cough* christ I can't do this anymore
On the opposite ramp, boulders start raining down everywhere. You guessed it, the Rock is the The Guy's first opponent, and the crowd is going wild (that, or they're screaming because of the flamethrower The Rock is shooting)! The Rock says his signature catchphrase, "I see a Roo D Poop Canyd Ass standing before me," but before he could utter another word, The Guy takes off his sunglasses and shoots lasers out of his eyes! It makes sense! And just like that, Dwayne Johnson is reduced to a pile of rubble!
Suddenly, The Guy sees a cloaked figure high fiving and flipping off his fans at the same time. He removes the cloak, and it turns out to be none other than Stone Cold Steve Austin! In the blink of an eye, he sends the Guy flying with a Stone Cold Stunner! Oh, the humanity! But wait, what's this? The Guy kicks out of his Stunner and gives a body slam to Austin! I can hardly believe it! The Guy flies down on Steve Austin, and with that final blow, he's done for!
Hold on, are those trumpets I'm hearing? Can it be? YES, JOHN CENA HAS ARRIVED ON THE RING! The Guy and Cena engage each other in a brutal staring contest, but The Guy ain't having it, and he punches Cena in the face! Cena shouts "You can't see me!" and waves his hand in front of his face, and The Guy does the exact same. I'll be damned, he's used another Mind Trick, and now Cena is apparently blind! The crafty son of a bitch! He picks Cena up and-OOO, that was a nasty back breaker! He's got him pinned, but alas, Cena breaks out!
He shouts "For every wish a kid makes, I get 1% stronger! CENATION, ASSEMBLE!"
Wait, what's happening? A bunch of Make-A-Wish kids have formed a line and-no, it can't be! He's pulling out a nearby cannon! He's going to use the forbidden move, The Nickelodeon Kid's Choice Cannon! Just like that, all our sponsors are going down the drain! He fires a few kids at The Guy, but he manages to dodge all of 'em! He pulls down the mic, and I think this next speech is going to be legendary!
Quote:“I am not some average chump, John Cena! I am not the guy who was trained on the indies then toured a bit and lived out of peanut butter and jelly sandwiches in his car. I did not got o the development center and then to NXT to prove who I am. I did not even have a match to see who I am worth. You should have asked that question earlier John Cena. I am not your average wrestler. I am Guy Fieri! I am the best you will ever know! The best there will ever be! I am the last thing you’ll see when you’re alive! I. AM. THE CHAMPION!"
It looks like Cena is scared out of his mind! The Guy kicks in his stomach, and he pulls on his ear until they're at the ringpost! He throws Cena up in the air and-CHRIST, WITH GOD AS MY WITNESS, HE GAVE HIM A CURVE STOMP IN THE AIR! Cena can't take any more! The Guy has won Wrestlemania! That was the most brilliant and most stupid thing I've seen in my entire life! This is your announcer, signing off!
