Boy, someone's asking for a verbal beating today. Blocky was feeling extra generous when he provided me with this Superstar Saga fic, but hey, we all have awkward beginnings, right? That being said @Superchao , I'm reviewing this on the condition that your next KG dupe is the main character of this. Get on it.
The sword of justice is being unsheathed in the Beanbean Castle courtroom, where Popple is on trial in front of Queen Bean on account of being a thief. He doesn't even care that he's probably facing execution, though, as he says he's the world's best thief and pleads guilty right away. In fact, he's such a good thief that he even manages to get caught! Before the verdict is decided, a thunderous earthquake is felt in the courtroom. The queen demands to know what happened, with a dozen exclamation points for emphasis (it's a good thing the rest of her sentences are like this...), and in a fit of exposition Popple explains that it was the 10000-Year Quake, a calamity that breaks the kingdom into 7 parts and can only be repaired by 7 gems. The Queen calls on the Mario Bros because fuck the Beanbean army.
Parakarry arrives at the brothers' house to give them the letter describing the situation, and in a very subtle manner (re:literally pointed out by the characters) they board an airplame "conveniently placed by the author". After the classic "are we there yet" exchange, they get flung halfway around the world by a tornado...caused by the earthquake? Next thing you know, the earthquake's going to be the cause of a meteor strike, just because it could. Bullshit weather aside, Queen Bean eventually receives word of this, and the only other option around is our "master" thief Popple. It's also where we get this lovely moment:
Without the queen's knowledge, Popple realizes that instead of repairing the world, he can use the gems to become the best thief ever....despite the fact that he already said he was the world's best thief. To be fair, isn't it everyone's dream to be bester? According to his omniscient map, the first gem is down in the sewer, and there he shall go. But of course, he slips down the sewer stairs.
![[Image: qbvgzBN.gif?1]](https://i.imgur.com/qbvgzBN.gif?1)
The queen and her exclamation points send a guard named Bean-Y to investigate the noise, but he too falls down the stairs and gets captured as a result, because we need conflict somehow. Popple hears his cry for help, and he quickly arrives to save him. What follows is an interesting way of writing the action scenes. They’re written in a style that’s meant to emulate the battles in the Mario & Luigi series, as such:
And so on and so forth. I’ll give teenage Blocky props for being experimental, but man does it bring the flow of the story to a screeching halt. Anyway, Popple defeats the enemies, prompting Bean-Y to join his party. They turn a seemingly-important valve, and Popple says they need to turn 3 more of them in a different room each...with a long battle scene accompanying each. After turning the last valve, they then go through 26 boiler rooms, with short, pointless encounters for each, and they finally arrive at the Central Valve Room, where they face a Mega Fly, the guardian of the first gem. Once they finish a long boss battle (with Phoenix Wright showing up out of nowhere, healing Popple with an “OBJECTION!”, and leaving right after), the Magic Macguffin is theirs. Popple says the the next gem is on Oho Oasis, which they’re conveniently carried towards by a massive water stream. Elsewhere, Bowser heads off to join the gem hunt (after being informed by a Magikoopa like this: “theBeanbeanKingdomisbrokenandsevenpowerfulgemsareneededtorepairitandPopplehasbeensenttogetthem”), and the somehow-alive Mario Bros. awaken. In the Oho Ocean, Popple and Bean-Y pop up via a pipe and are greeted by Prince Peasley. He proposes a bet, where if Popple gets the other six gems first, he wins one quadrillion Delfino coins. And if he loses, Peasley….commits tax fraud and blames it on Popple, I guess? I dunno.
Suddenly, Popple gets his map stolen by Nappa, the roided-up Mr. Clean we all know and love. After another battle (starting here, Blocky passes the torch to a forum friend, evident by the jump in writing quality), a beam of light pops up out of thin air and hits Nappa, causing him to dematerialize. Behind him, a shadowy figure is revealed. Popple’s first guess is Bill Gates’s stepbrother (eh?) but the figure then identifies himself as Wally, an infamous deleter. History lesson for this one: The founder of the website Blocky wrote this on had several fanfics on the Paper Mario GameFAQs board, which were deleted along with many other fics by a moderator named-you guessed it-Wally, who dubbed the move as “spring cleaning”. As revenge for his life’s work being destroyed, the founder wrote Wally into his later fics as a villain who deletes stuff and looks like Wally from Dilbert (hence the “Bill Gates’s stepbrother” joke), and for this story, Blocky just followed the leader. So in summary, if any of you guys are writing your own fanfic, don’t hesitate to write in MFGG mods as antagonists. Anyway, back to the story!
Moving away from our heroes, Nappa drops out of a wormhole into a mysterious void. A person literally covered in shadows explains that this place is called Cyberspace, a realm for people who’ve been deleted by Wally, and although he’s not completely gone, he’s literally a shadow of who he once was. The only way he can go back to normal is if he absorbs binary codes from 15 different people, which he demonstrates on poor Nappa. Nappa’s soul goes to hell (edgy), and his left foot appears over the shadow’s. So to be whole, you’d have to become some Frankenstein creature in the end? Sounds worth it to me.
Back in the real world, Wally is about to fire at Popple, until General Starshade and his sergeant brother arrive, telling Wally that the Queen has hereby banished him. Wally isn’t having that shit and blasts General Starshade, sending him to Cyberspace. In hestatics, the sergeant opens up a trapdoor underneath Wally. A cannon pops up from the trapdoor Super Mario 64-style, and Team Wally is sent blasting off again. Popple and Bean-Y shrug off everything that happened and continue on to Oho Oasis. In Cyberspace, General Starshade, like Nappa, is confronted and absorbed by the shadow person, but before he dies, the shadow reveals his true name to be Damien Hasero the Fourth, also known as the “Overlord Advisor.” Who is this regal-sounding person, you wonder?
Well who knows, because after a chapter by Blocky about getting the second gem, the fic was sadly cancelled. I was sort of interested to see where the Damien Hasero arc would go, but even then it wasn’t handled by Blocky, and the parts he DID write….well, what is there to say? He was at the wee age of 13, of course there would be random guest characters, GameFAQs in-jokes, and incredibly drawn-out battle scenes. But still, thanks for providing this, Blocky, I may or may not live it down.
e: here's the fic for yourself
The sword of justice is being unsheathed in the Beanbean Castle courtroom, where Popple is on trial in front of Queen Bean on account of being a thief. He doesn't even care that he's probably facing execution, though, as he says he's the world's best thief and pleads guilty right away. In fact, he's such a good thief that he even manages to get caught! Before the verdict is decided, a thunderous earthquake is felt in the courtroom. The queen demands to know what happened, with a dozen exclamation points for emphasis (it's a good thing the rest of her sentences are like this...), and in a fit of exposition Popple explains that it was the 10000-Year Quake, a calamity that breaks the kingdom into 7 parts and can only be repaired by 7 gems. The Queen calls on the Mario Bros because fuck the Beanbean army.
Parakarry arrives at the brothers' house to give them the letter describing the situation, and in a very subtle manner (re:literally pointed out by the characters) they board an airplame "conveniently placed by the author". After the classic "are we there yet" exchange, they get flung halfway around the world by a tornado...caused by the earthquake? Next thing you know, the earthquake's going to be the cause of a meteor strike, just because it could. Bullshit weather aside, Queen Bean eventually receives word of this, and the only other option around is our "master" thief Popple. It's also where we get this lovely moment:
Quote:Queen Bean: THEN WHO WILL DO IT????????? HMM............. YOU!!!!!!!!!!!! *Points to Popple*
Popple: Why me?
Queen Bean: BECAUSE YOU'RE HERE!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Bean-J: *Anime fall*
Popple: *Anime fall*
Without the queen's knowledge, Popple realizes that instead of repairing the world, he can use the gems to become the best thief ever....despite the fact that he already said he was the world's best thief. To be fair, isn't it everyone's dream to be bester? According to his omniscient map, the first gem is down in the sewer, and there he shall go. But of course, he slips down the sewer stairs.
The queen and her exclamation points send a guard named Bean-Y to investigate the noise, but he too falls down the stairs and gets captured as a result, because we need conflict somehow. Popple hears his cry for help, and he quickly arrives to save him. What follows is an interesting way of writing the action scenes. They’re written in a style that’s meant to emulate the battles in the Mario & Luigi series, as such:
Quote:POPPLE: 30 HP
FIGHTER FLY: 10 HP
Fighter Fly headbutts Popple!
And so on and so forth. I’ll give teenage Blocky props for being experimental, but man does it bring the flow of the story to a screeching halt. Anyway, Popple defeats the enemies, prompting Bean-Y to join his party. They turn a seemingly-important valve, and Popple says they need to turn 3 more of them in a different room each...with a long battle scene accompanying each. After turning the last valve, they then go through 26 boiler rooms, with short, pointless encounters for each, and they finally arrive at the Central Valve Room, where they face a Mega Fly, the guardian of the first gem. Once they finish a long boss battle (with Phoenix Wright showing up out of nowhere, healing Popple with an “OBJECTION!”, and leaving right after), the Magic Macguffin is theirs. Popple says the the next gem is on Oho Oasis, which they’re conveniently carried towards by a massive water stream. Elsewhere, Bowser heads off to join the gem hunt (after being informed by a Magikoopa like this: “theBeanbeanKingdomisbrokenandsevenpowerfulgemsareneededtorepairitandPopplehasbeensenttogetthem”), and the somehow-alive Mario Bros. awaken. In the Oho Ocean, Popple and Bean-Y pop up via a pipe and are greeted by Prince Peasley. He proposes a bet, where if Popple gets the other six gems first, he wins one quadrillion Delfino coins. And if he loses, Peasley….commits tax fraud and blames it on Popple, I guess? I dunno.
Suddenly, Popple gets his map stolen by Nappa, the roided-up Mr. Clean we all know and love. After another battle (starting here, Blocky passes the torch to a forum friend, evident by the jump in writing quality), a beam of light pops up out of thin air and hits Nappa, causing him to dematerialize. Behind him, a shadowy figure is revealed. Popple’s first guess is Bill Gates’s stepbrother (eh?) but the figure then identifies himself as Wally, an infamous deleter. History lesson for this one: The founder of the website Blocky wrote this on had several fanfics on the Paper Mario GameFAQs board, which were deleted along with many other fics by a moderator named-you guessed it-Wally, who dubbed the move as “spring cleaning”. As revenge for his life’s work being destroyed, the founder wrote Wally into his later fics as a villain who deletes stuff and looks like Wally from Dilbert (hence the “Bill Gates’s stepbrother” joke), and for this story, Blocky just followed the leader. So in summary, if any of you guys are writing your own fanfic, don’t hesitate to write in MFGG mods as antagonists. Anyway, back to the story!
Moving away from our heroes, Nappa drops out of a wormhole into a mysterious void. A person literally covered in shadows explains that this place is called Cyberspace, a realm for people who’ve been deleted by Wally, and although he’s not completely gone, he’s literally a shadow of who he once was. The only way he can go back to normal is if he absorbs binary codes from 15 different people, which he demonstrates on poor Nappa. Nappa’s soul goes to hell (edgy), and his left foot appears over the shadow’s. So to be whole, you’d have to become some Frankenstein creature in the end? Sounds worth it to me.
Back in the real world, Wally is about to fire at Popple, until General Starshade and his sergeant brother arrive, telling Wally that the Queen has hereby banished him. Wally isn’t having that shit and blasts General Starshade, sending him to Cyberspace. In hestatics, the sergeant opens up a trapdoor underneath Wally. A cannon pops up from the trapdoor Super Mario 64-style, and Team Wally is sent blasting off again. Popple and Bean-Y shrug off everything that happened and continue on to Oho Oasis. In Cyberspace, General Starshade, like Nappa, is confronted and absorbed by the shadow person, but before he dies, the shadow reveals his true name to be Damien Hasero the Fourth, also known as the “Overlord Advisor.” Who is this regal-sounding person, you wonder?
Well who knows, because after a chapter by Blocky about getting the second gem, the fic was sadly cancelled. I was sort of interested to see where the Damien Hasero arc would go, but even then it wasn’t handled by Blocky, and the parts he DID write….well, what is there to say? He was at the wee age of 13, of course there would be random guest characters, GameFAQs in-jokes, and incredibly drawn-out battle scenes. But still, thanks for providing this, Blocky, I may or may not live it down.
e: here's the fic for yourself
