#1
Mario
Hi.

I recently hacked into the Mario Monks' hard drive, and I was very
surprised by what I saw. It seems that they had had an interview with
Mario himself, but something went wrong and they decided not to post
it. Here, I'll let you judge for yourself:

<START FILE>


THY EXCLUSIVE MARIO INTERVIEW by The Mario Monks

We, the Mario Monks, have indulged in the activity of interview The
Great Lord MARIO. Unbeknownst to thou N64 bashers, he is quite the
conversationalist. Without further ado, here is His Greatness...

<START LOG>

Mario Monks: Hello, oh Great God64 Of Everything.

Mario: Thank-a you-a!

MM: We would like to ask You some questions about the recent videogame
wars, oh Gracious Master.

Mario: That's-a good-a! Let's-a go!

MM: Alright. First off, some unholy basement dwellers are repetitively
flaming The Great Nintendo64 for its lack of games. What do you have
to say about this atrocity?

Mario: It's-a not true! N64-a has lotsa games-a! It-a has 300 games
out already-a, and by-a July-a, 5000 games-a will be released-a!

MM: Thank you for this exclusive information, oh God64! Although it
goes beyond all previous information, it comes from Your Mouth64, so
it must be true!
Next question: People are saying that Nintendo Power magazines, in
their eternal greatness, are actually part of Nintendo's marketing
scheme. Although this is obviously not True64, what do You have to
say?

Mario: It's-a not true, again! Nintendo Power is-a really made by
SEGA!
They-a admit-a that they cannot-a compare to-a me-a, so they don't-a
even try! Saturn is-a already offa da market! Nobody-a likes-a their
bland arcade games-a! Killer Instinct-a is-a the best fighting game-a
ever, and all-a people knowwit!

MM: Uh... Thank you again, humble Lord64! You are very inspired in
Your greatness!
Some magazines, which we wilst not nameth (NIOTARENEG TXEN), proclaim
that Nintendo's "quality over quantity" rule does not Exist64. Your
great opinion, oh Great One?

Mario: Nintendo-a 64-a has-a da best games-a ever! Cruisin' USA,
Turok, and-a Mortal Kombat-a Trilogy are da best in dar classes!

MM: We bow to Your righteousness, Brother of Luigi64.
Since You brought up MKT, sources say that the psx, may it forever rot
in Hell32, has a better version. And You say...

Mario: Da PSX one-a has-a only two characters-a! Load-a time is FORTY
SEVEN MINUTES FOR A SHANG MORPH-a! It-a bugs-a up at every button
touch-a! It-a costs $400!

MM: But the retail price is about $45, less than the N64 version.

Mario: You-a lie-a! You rebel-a! Mario is-a always right-a!

MM: ...

We, the Mario Monks, are sincerely sorry, oh Idol64. We will never
do it again64.

Mario: And-a why-a you don't talk like me-a? You gotta problem wit
dat-a?

MM: We-a will-a from now-a on-a.

Mario: That's-a better.

MM: Next-a question-a: Why does-a N64 lack RPGs-a, when-a PSX have-a
so many-a?

Mario: N64 has many many RPGs-a! It has 75 in Japan-a! Don't bother
with-a Final Fantasy-a 7,

**IT WILL BE IN SPANISH !!!!!!!!!!**


MM: ...

MM: I'VE HAD ENOUGH OF THAT BULLSHIT YOU [email protected]#$%! YOU KNOW YOU'RE
LYING BUT YOU'RE SO MONEY-HUNGRY, YOU NEVER STOP! I KNOW YOU LEAD
INNOCENT CHILDREN INTO YOUR STUPID SYSTEM BY HYPNOTIC ADVERTISEMENTS,
AND THEN MAKE THEM SHELL OUT BIG BUCKS FOR GAMES! I HATE HATE HATE
HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE YOU64!!

Mario: ...

MM: WHAT'S THAT? YOU GOT NUTHIN' TO SAY? WELL, HERE'S **MY**
OPINION...

>Mario Monk shoots Mario between the eyes with his .64


Mario: aaaaah-a!

MM: ...

Mario: ...

MM: What have I Done64?

<END LOG>

<END FILE>


“Naturally, the workers are perfectly free; the manufacturer does not force them to take his materials and his cards, but he says to them..'If you don't like to be frizzled in my frying- pan, you can take a walk into the fire.” -Friedrich Engels
#2
Honoka Kosakatua
how do i become a mario monk
#3
Mario
I think the Mario Monks is like, just one guy, but everyone respects their identity as a group of monks for some reason.
“Naturally, the workers are perfectly free; the manufacturer does not force them to take his materials and his cards, but he says to them..'If you don't like to be frizzled in my frying- pan, you can take a walk into the fire.” -Friedrich Engels

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