#1
Fun With Despair
This is... probably the smallest one I've run into honestly. Looking at the name though, you're probably confused by this strange name, so let me explain.

An "inukshuk" is one of these guys:

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It's like a little dude made of stacked rocks. I'm pretty sure it was the 2010 Olympic symbol too, or I could be crazy. I probably am, mind you, but for reasons unrelated to the inukshuk, or the Olympics for that matter. These things are some old native traditional thing from the far north I think, made to serve as waypoints and markers in a place where everything kind of looks exactly the same, meaning a pure, blank white expanse of snow and isolation.

Kind of like that spongebob episode where Squidward ends up in that white void but without the speech bubbles that say "alone" in big bold letters and with more stone dudes marking good campites.

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There's another big one in the middle of these chairs, but if this was meant as a park theme, this is about where the design of the place stops in its coherence. I guess it's a nice sitting area, but save for a rousing game of duck, duck, goose, there's not much for anyone here who doesn't have kids to watch or have a frankly rather creepy desire to sit and watch other people's kids.

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Further in there's this weird fake rock with a carved out image of a really weirdly proportioned lanky lizard. I don't know what it is about this guy, but I just really don't like him at all. Something about how noodly and anatomically bizarre he is, and how weird and culty his platform looks just make me vaguely uneasy on a spiritual level. It looks like some kind of otherworldly artifact that drives you mad if you spend time near it, so I'm moving on.

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Right behind it is this fucking thing, which does not help at all, as if you let your vision blur, it almost looks like a twisted mass of stone human bodies. I could also just be getting too into the October mindset, and it's probably just meant to be a weird climbing rock. It doesn't work great for that purpose though, because it does have a genuinely bizarre shape to it, along with ridges not really deep enough to get a footing on.

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Back to normalcy, there's this extremely small playground over here, which you can pretty much see all of in this single picture. I took more anyway though, because I didn't have anything better to do.

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The climbing wall is awfully strange. It's made from the same rubbery material as the one in the obstacle course in the Spray Park. The individual rungs also have a strange and inconsistent - although not broken alignment while this weird blue plastic football thing kind of sits in the upper area alone. I guess it adds variety, and it's not a bad wall all things considered, arguably the best part.

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On the other side of the slide is this climbing wall, which consists of an angled slope covered in... telephones? Disembodied smiles? Maybe they're just meant to be like, drawer handles?

I should mention that the bar at the top of the area where the slope meets the playground is really low down, again to the point where most kids would have to struggle to get in. I genuinely think that if a kid is "big enough" to climb that slope without help of any sort, they'd be too small to get in here without a fight.

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The slide is also pretty good, much like the climbing wall though. It's short, but it's actually pretty steep, and you get a nice burst of speed as you go down. Nowhere near amazing, but passable compared to the rest so far.

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Off to the side is this fucking hideous eldritch mass of metal and decaying souls. Jesus, who the hell designed this, a blind, deaf, and really fucking stupid man? It honestly looks like something a drunk dude would scribble down in that Jackbox invention game when asked to make something that would lure children to an early grave. Let's see if it's uh, safe though.

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See these? Remember those spinning things you grab in the last couple that I usually like? Yeah these are like the SAW trap version of those. Downright horrible, these. You grab on, and you're not really spun so much as you are violently jerked in a random direction and left dangling with sore arm sockets. The one that isn't the single pole is better than the one WITH the single pole, but they're both absolutely terrifying.

Maybe I'll try and get a video of this thing, because damn is it pants-shitting.

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The climbing part in this middle is... this awful monstrosity. I don't think I can say more about its integrity than the picture can just by existing, so I think I'm going to leave it at that and move on.

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I'll end on pleasant surprise, a feature I haven't seen in a very long time: these funky disc swings. Not only are they more comfortable than the regular variety, because they're basically just a big bowl, one swing isn't wasted on a baby swing, because you can just plop the little fucker in the middle and push.

The weight of the disc adds some good heft to the swings as well, and does a good job at keeping momentum. But, does this actually redeem the place at all?

Well, uh...

THE VERDICT: 2/10

Fuck no.

As an aside, taking this photo has made me realize that my bedroom light casts everything in a ghastly orange, and much like that lightbulb, this playground really sucks guys. Like, the slide is alright honestly and the swings are cool, but the whole place kind of makes me feel a little off, like it was designed by some AI that didn't know how playgrounds worked, or it's a House of Leaves type scenario and it's weird supernatural nonsensical architecture created by unknown forces.

But even if I leave out the fact that I'm spooked, this place b l o w s. Not only is the actual playground part kind of shit, but the "climbing rock" and... lanky lizard rock are completely useless. That's not even talking about the whirling fucking deathtrap sitting a few meters away though, fucking christ.

This place gets a 2 ONLY because of the swings and slide, I really want to point that out. Hammer that fact into your head, and don't come to this cursed land, please. It's for everyone's good.
#2
Draku
peep this inukshuk
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I have to wonder why that playground is even there at all if there's almost nothing to it, that seems incredibly bizarre. What in the actual fuck IS that weird extra thing near the end? I agree with you, no human designed that thing. I expect it's a trap set by demons to abduct kids or something.

Disc swings seem rad and I want to experience one IRL though.
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#3
Aidan
that's the World's First Zelda Fan Art. can't believe you've never heard of it.
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#4
Fun With Despair
(Oct 8, 2019 at 7:51 AM)Aidan Wrote: that's the World's First Zelda Fan Art. can't believe you've never heard of it.
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which game is the giant clown head from
#5
Aidan
(Oct 8, 2019 at 7:52 AM)Fun With Despair Wrote: which game is the giant clown head from

wind waker hd
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