It has come to my attention that our online staff message board page is often being used for messages of all sorts, ranging from bizarre, to whiny, to childish and stupid. Additionally, many posts have been made that contain information of a classified nature, breaking several of our guidelines. For future use in my proposal to the company heads that the message board should tag each message with the member’s login username to prevent undue mischief, I have recorded several of the mindless and otherwise offending scrawlings I have witnessed over the past few years for viewing. They are in no particular order.
- Percival Greene, XW System Works, Human Resources Department.
[DOCUMENT BEGIN]
It has been seven days since I have paged maintenance about the coffee machine on Sublevel 3, but it’s still spitting out exclusively an unidentifiable black fluid, regardless of what I fill it with. I have tried store-brand coffee, artisan beans, and once even earl grey tea, but this isn’t changing. I should also clarify that this black fluid tastes genuinely awful. Please fix this, I’m sick and tired of having to take the elevator to a different floor on my breaks.
---
just pissed in the cable car lmao, you’ll never find me
-the phantom pisser
---
Christ, and I thought that chick obessed with “The Office” was a pain. Whatever happened to her, anyway?
---
Hey I sound crazy but like... yeah I just sound crazy I know that but humour me.
You see I was talking with the maintenence guy earlier and we came into the debate of if rabbits and kangaroos are like basically like the same animal but slightly different... (think like monkeys vs. Apes or something different)
Cause like....
A) they both are known for hopping
B) they kinda look the same (ear things + fur)
I have little knowledge of animals, and no real drive to google anything but what do you guys think? Are kangaroos basically like big mutated rabbits, or am I just an absolute fool?
---
Do we REALLY need to make this combat robot play metal gear rising music whenever it fights? I dunno, just seems… superfluous?
---
i dont wanna be that guy but i think ‘firework’ and ‘let it go’ are basically the same song
---
I wish they didn’t replace my lab assistant with a Synthetic Demon Entity. On one hand, sure, the S.D.E.s don’t have to be like, paid, but this guy keeps staring at me weird, and he doesn’t even have any arms as far as I can tell.
---
Ever think it’s weird that we’re stuck working in here while the boss runs around making movies and stuff? Seems kind of unfair. Capitalism at work, I guess. Sigh.
---
Puhuhuhu! Well, it’s been an eventful night, but it looks like a body has been discovered! That’s right, INPUT NAME HERE has been found in the INPUT LOCATION HERE! Looks to me like someone really hated the guy too, because his INPUT BODY PART HERE is all INPUT INJURY HERE!
[This has been a test of the Monokuma AI system. Please continue with your day.]
---
Did you guys know that Jerry from accounting was a brony back in 2012? Yeah, he told me he was big into it in the lunchroom last night.
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Day Seventeen. The coffee machine on Sublevel 3 has not been fixed. It is spitting a continuous stream now, and we have had to divert the liquid into the sink. Please repair it, I have sent in twenty-three support tickets, and have received no response. We are on the brink of insanity here.
---
hey uh whoever locked me out on platform 5 can you let me back in? i promise i wasnt actually gonna piss out here please it’s so cold i can’t feel my body
-the phantom pisser
---
I know that we need to get the Despair’s Wish back and all but… a Wendigo costume? Filming as a cover story? Can’t we just like, storm the woods and take the diamond? It’s just contrived, you know? We have the manpower. I mean, the boss even hired some air force dude, surely we can just… do it?
---
What the fuck I was not a brony. I liked Johnny Test. there’s a difference.
---
Can we just get another Wario Land? Fuck.
---
i have avenged my fallen brother, and shat in the ground floor bathroom. i will avoid platform 5.
-the phantom shitter
---
You think any of those ghost shows are real? Like Ghost Adventures and shit. Obviously that one’s fake, but like there’s gotta be a few that have… something right? Ghosts ARE real so surely they’ve been caught on camera.There’s gotta be a famewhore ghost. If you’re out there… can I have your autograph?
---
Zombie Island > Witch’s Ghost >>>> Alien Invaders
---
Never mind about the coffee machine. I lied earlier, the liquidis delicious and excellent for my skin. I can feel it shifting, moving in so many directions at once. It is nice. It is like not existing yet being everywhere at once. It is like being inside the incinerator, flames lapping at my flesh but so cold, I cannot feel anything except everything and everything is nothing and it hurts such rapturous pain my eyeballs are filled with static and i am so so alone i feel ill sick with the space between things and i want to dash my brains upon my desk yet my desk is solid and i am nothing and i am everything and my brain is filled with dark dark dark dark̨ ͢dar҉ķ d̨̞̦̲̺͉͇̣̩̒ͧaͥ͆ͤ͊͑̈́҉̻̭͇͍͕͉̝r̷̶̭͍͈͇̲͉͍̻͌̒̽ͤ̾̂̓ͤ͠ḱ̴̴͙̰͒̀̏̔̃̎ ͕̥̰̺̪̪͒̚͝ͅd̡͓̫̳͉̂ͮ͑̉̚͠a̧̺͔͑́̎̓r̢̨̼̭̣ͬͦ͂͠k̩̩͖̺̥͒͐ͥ̏͆ͤͤ͡͞d̴̢̧̙͎̩̠͕̱̓̌ͦ̃͛͗̾̑̚͟ą̷̶̴̘͉̹̬̳̮̜̞̳͉̪̖͚̎ͩͦ͗̈̀̽͝ͅr̵̫̺̘̹͔͕̗̬̲̠͙̩͗́̾͂̊̆̌ͧ̇̀ͬ̽ͥ̑̋͑ͧ́͢ķ̵͈̬͓͉̝͚̘̻̠͍̫͚̝͈̂̌ͮ͛ͥͮ͌̉͊̇̒͌͛͒ͣ̔̀̚ ̛̝̹͎̘̋ͥ͌̆ͯ͋̍ͨͬ̈́̌ͮ̒ͯͤ̓͜͞ḏ̘̖̖̜̤͈̱̱̤͋͛͗̀͝ͅa̷̡̬̲͙͍̜̙̺̰͔̳ͦ͗̓ͥ̇̉͒͂̔̚ͅr͍͖̝̣͚͕̻̠͙̜̫̠̯͒͒ͪ̈́̆̒ͤͭ͗ͥͪ͊͌́̊̇͘͡kͪ̿ͤ̐ͯͩ̓͊̀̄͊̂̚͟͏͚̝͓̬͓̘̥̫̦
- Percival Greene, XW System Works, Human Resources Department.
[DOCUMENT BEGIN]
It has been seven days since I have paged maintenance about the coffee machine on Sublevel 3, but it’s still spitting out exclusively an unidentifiable black fluid, regardless of what I fill it with. I have tried store-brand coffee, artisan beans, and once even earl grey tea, but this isn’t changing. I should also clarify that this black fluid tastes genuinely awful. Please fix this, I’m sick and tired of having to take the elevator to a different floor on my breaks.
---
just pissed in the cable car lmao, you’ll never find me
-the phantom pisser
---
>turn on breakroom TV
>it’s a rerun of “horsin’ around”
>try to change the channel
>doesn’t work
>check the back of TV
>someone’s plugged their fucking VHS in and left, I shit you not, a homemade tape with nothing but episodes of horsin’ around
Christ, and I thought that chick obessed with “The Office” was a pain. Whatever happened to her, anyway?
---
Hey I sound crazy but like... yeah I just sound crazy I know that but humour me.
You see I was talking with the maintenence guy earlier and we came into the debate of if rabbits and kangaroos are like basically like the same animal but slightly different... (think like monkeys vs. Apes or something different)
Cause like....
A) they both are known for hopping
B) they kinda look the same (ear things + fur)
I have little knowledge of animals, and no real drive to google anything but what do you guys think? Are kangaroos basically like big mutated rabbits, or am I just an absolute fool?
---
Do we REALLY need to make this combat robot play metal gear rising music whenever it fights? I dunno, just seems… superfluous?
---
i dont wanna be that guy but i think ‘firework’ and ‘let it go’ are basically the same song
---
I wish they didn’t replace my lab assistant with a Synthetic Demon Entity. On one hand, sure, the S.D.E.s don’t have to be like, paid, but this guy keeps staring at me weird, and he doesn’t even have any arms as far as I can tell.
---
Ever think it’s weird that we’re stuck working in here while the boss runs around making movies and stuff? Seems kind of unfair. Capitalism at work, I guess. Sigh.
---
Puhuhuhu! Well, it’s been an eventful night, but it looks like a body has been discovered! That’s right, INPUT NAME HERE has been found in the INPUT LOCATION HERE! Looks to me like someone really hated the guy too, because his INPUT BODY PART HERE is all INPUT INJURY HERE!
[This has been a test of the Monokuma AI system. Please continue with your day.]
---
Did you guys know that Jerry from accounting was a brony back in 2012? Yeah, he told me he was big into it in the lunchroom last night.
---
Day Seventeen. The coffee machine on Sublevel 3 has not been fixed. It is spitting a continuous stream now, and we have had to divert the liquid into the sink. Please repair it, I have sent in twenty-three support tickets, and have received no response. We are on the brink of insanity here.
---
hey uh whoever locked me out on platform 5 can you let me back in? i promise i wasnt actually gonna piss out here please it’s so cold i can’t feel my body
-the phantom pisser
---
I know that we need to get the Despair’s Wish back and all but… a Wendigo costume? Filming as a cover story? Can’t we just like, storm the woods and take the diamond? It’s just contrived, you know? We have the manpower. I mean, the boss even hired some air force dude, surely we can just… do it?
---
What the fuck I was not a brony. I liked Johnny Test. there’s a difference.
---
Can we just get another Wario Land? Fuck.
---
i have avenged my fallen brother, and shat in the ground floor bathroom. i will avoid platform 5.
-the phantom shitter
---
You think any of those ghost shows are real? Like Ghost Adventures and shit. Obviously that one’s fake, but like there’s gotta be a few that have… something right? Ghosts ARE real so surely they’ve been caught on camera.There’s gotta be a famewhore ghost. If you’re out there… can I have your autograph?
---
Zombie Island > Witch’s Ghost >>>> Alien Invaders
---
Never mind about the coffee machine. I lied earlier, the liquidis delicious and excellent for my skin. I can feel it shifting, moving in so many directions at once. It is nice. It is like not existing yet being everywhere at once. It is like being inside the incinerator, flames lapping at my flesh but so cold, I cannot feel anything except everything and everything is nothing and it hurts such rapturous pain my eyeballs are filled with static and i am so so alone i feel ill sick with the space between things and i want to dash my brains upon my desk yet my desk is solid and i am nothing and i am everything and my brain is filled with dark dark dark dark̨ ͢dar҉ķ d̨̞̦̲̺͉͇̣̩̒ͧaͥ͆ͤ͊͑̈́҉̻̭͇͍͕͉̝r̷̶̭͍͈͇̲͉͍̻͌̒̽ͤ̾̂̓ͤ͠ḱ̴̴͙̰͒̀̏̔̃̎ ͕̥̰̺̪̪͒̚͝ͅd̡͓̫̳͉̂ͮ͑̉̚͠a̧̺͔͑́̎̓r̢̨̼̭̣ͬͦ͂͠k̩̩͖̺̥͒͐ͥ̏͆ͤͤ͡͞d̴̢̧̙͎̩̠͕̱̓̌ͦ̃͛͗̾̑̚͟ą̷̶̴̘͉̹̬̳̮̜̞̳͉̪̖͚̎ͩͦ͗̈̀̽͝ͅr̵̫̺̘̹͔͕̗̬̲̠͙̩͗́̾͂̊̆̌ͧ̇̀ͬ̽ͥ̑̋͑ͧ́͢ķ̵͈̬͓͉̝͚̘̻̠͍̫͚̝͈̂̌ͮ͛ͥͮ͌̉͊̇̒͌͛͒ͣ̔̀̚ ̛̝̹͎̘̋ͥ͌̆ͯ͋̍ͨͬ̈́̌ͮ̒ͯͤ̓͜͞ḏ̘̖̖̜̤͈̱̱̤͋͛͗̀͝ͅa̷̡̬̲͙͍̜̙̺̰͔̳ͦ͗̓ͥ̇̉͒͂̔̚ͅr͍͖̝̣͚͕̻̠͙̜̫̠̯͒͒ͪ̈́̆̒ͤͭ͗ͥͪ͊͌́̊̇͘͡kͪ̿ͤ̐ͯͩ̓͊̀̄͊̂̚͟͏͚̝͓̬͓̘̥̫̦
