Baby Sans Thanos
create a vertical ride
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there's already a vertical ride
i love how much of a fucking mess the linked coasters are.
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Right. Our park's a total fucking mess. The amount of difficulties we're been having with this campaign have been nothing short of painful. I say "we", but really, it's an "I" thing. The biggest issue we have with our park is with how disgusting and lackluster of a thematic it is. Well, there is a thematic, technically, but it's a lie if I said it weren't "confusing". And so I had a look at the title screen, where it showcases all sorts of parks and their guests, who are having loads of fun in it. Perhaps I can learn a thing or two from these showcases.

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Look at this! It looks beautiful! It's a huge roller coaster, in a park, located within a forest with clear blue lakes. The paths are neat, flowers and trees are everywhere: It looks good. That's what my park is missing. And so, how do I make our park look this good?

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Big desert. Flat terrain. Clusterfuck of pathways...

I've got just the thing.

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Water. Hell fucking yes. The one thing we were missing, of course! On the bottom left, you can see another handyman I've hired. james will take care of the entire park, just in case one of the other people in the j-list is slacking about.

Moving on.

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Oh baby. Let's make one. This works well to make shortcuts. Fight Club is in dire need of a purpose, and so, I will create a super elevator, bringing guests to new heights!

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Unfortunately, this ride couldn't be built underground, despite me making a big hole at the corner. The solution? Build a bigger hole so that the game sees that you want to place a ride down there. Isometric bullfuckery is at it again. If anyone knows how to do this better I would appreciate the pointer, because...

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I've spent all of my money on this.

Digging a 6x6x1 hole costs 720 pounds. Now, I have to dig about a 6x6x6 sized hole. You do the math, I'm not a teacher, nor am I a mathematician. I didn't calculate any of this. Mind you, the cost depends on where you're digging, as the game considers that any hole lower/higher than the spot you want to fill up/dig down needs to be addressed before doing the other squares of the same height. The total for 6x6x1 is 720 pounds. Trust me.

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Well, at least our park rating's higher than ever. A slight dip in the recent months, but I won't worry much.

I could loan some money again, but that requires paying per month and I hate that. We get about 2-3k per month, so we'll get those costs sorted out eventually. Plus, the elevator is already placed down, so all I have to do is finish constructing it and dealing with the terrain later. Looks bad, but it's a price I have to pay for recklessly terraforming my park like that.

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Elevator's done, but those entrances and exits look wack. You can have multiple floors of entrance and exit, so you can make guests get even more lost, not that that's what I want to do with them... Oh, right, before I forget. Caroline is still in the jail thingo. Let's go get her out.

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I swear I didn't touch her since I got her in there. She actually escaped. And yes, I checked: No deaths were announced, no secret path was taken and ALSO, Caroline is conspiring against me. I gotta be careful.

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JoJo reference. Haha.

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As you can see, we somehow hit nearly 4k in ride tickets for one month. This means that we're getting closer to the goal as we might have thought if we were to read last update. Remember to increase your ride fares, kids.

With that said, I'm scared to have this done without doing the one thing people really wanted me to do.

So, without further ado:


This is it. The ride that will make this park die before I ever hit the goal. But for the sake of doing more updates, I will make this ride. No, I will make these two rides. But for those who do not know how the ride works, here's a simple image describing the ride(s).

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Two rollercoasters are sent down a steep slope, eventually colliding with whoever is in the center of both coasters' path.

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Another design image. Unfortunately, I cannot replicate the train itself and implement it inside the game. Use your imagination, if you can. Also, if anyone knows what a "wheks" is, please DM me.

The concept of this coaster is unique. If you haven't noticed yet: It's not a circuit design. It's a straight line. Roller Coaster Tycoon doesn't let you open up unfinished rides! What is this?

To that, I say: Yes it does.

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Some types of roller coaster rides are made to be "Power-launch" designed. They gain a boost of speed at the very beginning, then, they go up and down in a line, eventually going back at the same station without ever doing a circuit-style lap. The Looping Roller Coaster design is the most popular type to do so. For that, we will use this design to make the rides.

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Although this ride will not be able to precisely smash dicks, we can at least make it smash dicks, in a different way. Of course, I do mean that this is going to be another jail. One for the biggest of oppressors. Wait 'til Caroline sees this.

*(Note: These roller coasters conflict with Challenge 3. Rest assured that these rides were only there for testing purposes and will be placed somewhere else on a later update)

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Unfortunately, there's no real way to synchronize this without tweaking with the ride's settings. In other words, one ride's gonna have to launch earlier, but with less speed than the other.

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And so, we play the guessing game. Which setting will make the rides collide with each other the most accurately? Many tests were done.

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That'll do.

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It took quite a few tries.

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Now I gotta wait some more.


Next time: We open the dick smasher to the public.

EDIT: just realized i made another vertical ride, are you happy black? are you happy now?
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Hello. Merry Christmas, Happy New Year, Celebratory Capital Letter For Every Word. I was very sick for the past few days, and so I couldn't make an update for a short while. Apologies, but also blame the company I work at: The people there don't wash their hands.

I wish I wasn't kidding.

Last update, I made Mickey's Dick Smasher. It's a sound concept, but it went against the rules of Challenge 3, which was to make all Roller Coaster Rides intersect. Of course, these two rides are not exempt from that rule. Besides, I bet you guys want to see that in action and I am happy to oblige myself.

Let's have a look at our map to see where we can plop down our two fabled roller coaster rides:

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Hmm. Yes. I see. Actually, no, I don't see. This really is a mess. What was I thinking? You guys didn't stop me at all with this. You're not stopping me with what's going to come, either.

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But first, Lemonade Stand. Why not.

Now, before I begin showing the whole ride, I want to demonstrate something about the park. Something you pricks aren't grateful enough for:

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These rides are so tightly constructed around each other that it hurts. It hurts my brain every time I try to make a new one. The process exacerbates the number of roller coaster rides I make. I was going to make a challenge where I'd make Mickey's Dick Smasher intersect with all Roller Coaster Rides, but at this point, it's impossible. In the words of our late, dear friend, Satoru Iwata: Please Understand.

We're gonna make Dickey's Mick Smasher a bit easier for me to construct, but it'll still look pretty fuckin' epic.

But before we do that (again), I've got something useful to show.

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Cut-Away View! Having a hard time figuring out your rides' height, even with the indicators? Using the Cut-Away view makes anything over the desired height disappear. Good for planning tracks and rides and also dick smashers.

Here's another helpful tip:

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At this point, with the number of rides I'm cramming together in one ball of... whatever, my framerate's starting to tank. Maybe we've overstayed our welcome as a park dictatorrector.

Let's finish this.

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Those two new roller coasters I just made? Mickey's Ultimate Dick Smasher.

Not timed at all to collide with each other at the bottom, but if I count three seconds after releasing the first train, I can release the second one and the timing is just *mwah*

Not the best demonstration, but I definitely got the timing down.

That'll be it for this update. A short one, but those two coasters really sucked the mind matter out of me and I'm still sick.

No tally. Next time, we'll get to 5k. Get to suggesting those challenges before the LP ends!

Final Update. Still sick, but I'm getting this out of the way before New Years comes over and shanks my ass.

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Snyder Ryder is doing pretty good. Line isn't overflowing, which is nice. I feel like I'm forgetting about something, however.

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Maybe it's some new rides. Let's add a circus, why not. It's not really popular, but we gotta put something out there to appease the kiddies.

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Or maybe... it's the GO KARTS. Go Karts are a massive ride in the game. People gobble that shit up. Let's name it based on a popular franchise and slightly change the name to avoid any possible copyright lawsuit. We're totally fine with that and they're totally fine with that, trust me. Plus, you could charge for go karts just as much as a roller coaster ride and this will still sell like hot cakes.

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Quite frankly, I wouldn't mind riding on this, right about now.

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A quick look at our charts shows that we're doing good. Hell, we got a month in the 4k figures. We can easily rush in and do some more PR work and finish it there. As always, advertising your park will bring a shitload of customers, for sure. We're going all in for this, as I have more than enough cash to do so.

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Yes, I do have that much cash in me.

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Meanwhile, the Go Qarts have been doing well... A little too well...



I forgot one thing. A very crucial point in properly managing your park: Manage your lines. If a ride is doing so well that the queue is permanently full, that can be the cause of either;
- 1: Your ride's line is not long enough and needs to be extended.
- 2: Your ride itself takes too long.

If you can't manage your rides properly, you're not going to make as much money in a certain time frame. Think of it as a DPS counter, except it's an MPS counter (Moneys Per Second). If your ride's short, but brings in a bunch of customers, you're gonna get a shitload of money in a short amount of time. It's not rocket science, but I managed to ignore this concept this entire time.

Because this looks like a long qart ride, we're gonna lower the amount of laps the guests can do before letting someone else take their turn.

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That should do. Guests don't really consider the amount of laps they take for a ride, anyways.

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Another quick look at the stats and... We're super close.

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And with the amount of guests we have due to the advertising we've done, it's time to bring out the big guns.

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The Dragster, a Steel Accelerator Roller Coaster ride, dedicated towards high speed launches and slopes. I even managed to make it intersect and plop it at the fourth quarter, which should satisfy someone's demands. Additionally, this is a premade roller coaster and if you think my designed rides are dangerous, check this shit out:

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Premade rides are not immune to the red numbers.

Another high cost ride in our hands. We're getting 5k with this one, I swear.

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Pathing to the ride is a bit wack and requires a trek to get there, but only the most dedicated would want to ride this. Don't get tired.

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And, in the blink of the eye, the ride's already filling up. However, I'm still not getting to 5k just yet. Park Rating is always taking a dump because of the lack of cleanliness on the streets of Dusty Gardens, so I'll have to think of an alternative to get more cash to flow.

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Nanette gives us the prime example on how to improve your park's quality. That is: Listen to your customers. What's weird here is that Nanette thought about the queue times before saying that the ride value was good, but she makes a good point. Mario Qart is taking too long to end, but people would pay more for the ride. Don't mind if I do.

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It's good to know what your customers are thinking. The game lets you read them in bulk, if you want! Let's have a look.

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As much as I want to resolve these issues, I had something else happen to me.

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We did it!

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Couldn't have done it without you guys. I'm gonna cry.

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Don't think I forgot about you, Caroline. I found you and now I am going to execute you. To the Dick Smasher we go!


Final Tally:
Fantastic ending.

This was a good garrison.
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