recently ive been filling up the select button discord with the finer parts of my attempted playthrough of fire emblem: birghtright that I got for my birthday this last weekend
if you played Fire Emblem: Awakening you'll probably understand that the series has recently taken a huge turn into incorporated some kind of limited dating sim elements. in previous fire emblems (since path of radiance I think) putting two dudes on the field next to eachother in combat would leave them gaining support levels that increased how much they could participate in combat and would give them an interesting conversation after each mission

awakening (im pretty sure don't quote me) introduced character marriage which meant you could make your army one big cesspool of sex & filth that would sometimes result in your characters having children. due to Time Fuckery you could later go and get these children and indoctrinate them in to your vicious War Army and then marry them off again right after

Fire Emblem Fates: Birthright (fire emblem If in japan, thanks smt) pushes this level further: no longer can you simply rally support and marry off your soldiers, now your main character has the option of inviting every soldier in their army back to their casa. I mean the game has some cheesy dialogue that always implies more happens than wut u see. you get a close up of the 3D model used in the pre-rendered cutscenes usually bobbing or swaying and blushing and occasionally jiggling.

the fact that you can equip every soldier in your army to be wearing nothing but bath towels is even better. you can turn Submissive Maid Girl (whos level up quote asks of you: "Does this please you? " into Submissive Maid Girl in Glasses. you can pair her with Really Nice Ninja Boy and they might have a child.

child bearing is an essential part of the game: only when maxing out relationships can characters be Betrothed and then soon pop out a Young 1. Young 1's are immediately available fully-grown due to Nonsense Time Fuckery/The Astral Plane to be incorporated into your forces. it is then possible to marry _them_ off and have them have kids with your other soldiers

Fire Emblem: Awakening marked the slide into Anime Territory, then fates is like full on dating sim. all of the characters in this game are pure Dating Sim Archetypes like Precocious Schoolgirl and Muscle Sports Girl.



this is Energetic, if Dumb Youth. I matched him with Dour Dark Girl because Anime Shipping is something I take Very Seriously. even when someone is betrothed, you can still invite them back to your pad for some good old face staring. in the Japanese version its face rubbing. the us version cut out the Rub Times but you still get the animations to play on each successful heart level you gain.

as the Invisible Eugenecist Hand of Fate in ym armys love lives I had a glorious task laid at my feet. not only does it become the players job to match these people, but only some pairings will result in children. to make matters worse: the stats of your Idiot Child are determined by the stats of the parent. in order to get the best possible outcome you have to play the Eugenics Lottery and only match parents with good stat growth in relation to the class of the child. it can quickly turn into a Wiki Wednesday.

I decided to go another route: if it is my job (duty actually) to match these Lost Souls to find out if **Love Can Bloom on the Battlefield** then I would ride my horse into the relationship sunset. I had to create couples worth Actual Love.

I had to turn Fire Emblem: Birthright into a shipping fanfic.

it means even knowing that Nice Ninja Boy and Submissive Incompetent Maid Girl will not have a fertile relationship that I shouldn't weigh relationships by whether or not they have kids. Some couples aren't meant for children and that's true even in the world of Fire Emblem. She deserved to be matched with someone with the skills to make up in the areas she lacked and was frustrated by.



this means that I had to match Shrine Maiden Miko Girl who is uhh, kind of vaguely turned on by death with Ninja Daddy. this means that I had to match my main character, a red headed youth I named like Kenneth or something with the only match that made logical sense:

His sister.


(that's his sister: the red hair was a coincidence)

I mean it makes sense: in the infinite realm of anime, do I not have the ability to live out my Oreimo fantasies? isn't it my solemn _duty_ that if available my main character deserves to fall in love with the one person who will uh, fuck wow I should really end this here huh haha

anyway I actually decided his sister was Anime Hotter and I had to find out if the game would let me marry a blood relative: spoilers: it totally does

when you get Crom (the canon name for your dude) and Hinoka to the highest level of support they have a conversation where Hinoka reveals her True Feelings. Crom is pretty freaked out by this and tells her that these feelings need to be buried _forever._

this is when she pulls out Your Dead Mom's Incest Letter where your dead mom reveals that your dad isn't really your dad, making Hinoka only your half sister: which is totally okay. Crom decides this is the best course of action

you can still invite other women back to the house:

next up: can my sister wifes child marry and have another kid in my army: an experiment.

This post was last modified: Sep 13, 2016 at 3:19 AM by kaZaam.

w o w

i liked the sacred stones gba one but even when i was youngr the story alw felt like Dumb As Heck padding to me and there was just so much of it so i guess it's no wonder they took it further. atl the story aspect seems more interactive now even in a stupid af way

don't talk that way about my oreimo fantasy

that was a great read

This post was last modified: Sep 13, 2016 at 3:22 AM by kaZaam.

don't talk that way about my oreimo fantasy

no i like what you made out of it. i just think it's fundamentally Dumb As Heck and really feels like a lazy way to dance around making the actual gameplay interesting

but wait i still gotta lay out who my favorite party members are in this dumb ass game i cant believe after i beat it im gonna play another one lmao

>feels like a lazy way to dance around new ways to make the actual gameplay interesting

awakening going the route it did, in terms of the relationship shit, is the only reason the series is alive still
it makes sense that they go fuckin ham with it in the next one when that feature's the only reason a ton of people even bother with the game in the first place
and yeah it totally is lazy

laziness


well, baby, lemme tell you - i guess conquest is the good one and birthright is the one for soft bodied infants because it lets you grind and on the flip side conquest grinds you

the only fire emblem game ive played is the one on GBA, like the first one to be localized in the west. and i loved the fuck out of it. i'll never be a fan of the whole "character dies forever" thing. but i love the gameplay a whole lot.

but like why has it become a greasy nerd game now

ya in a way i was actually complimenting the game cause atl now you have personal influence on this stupid shitty story instead of it just being a stupid shitty story. its just when ppl talk abt fire emblem now, i dont think anyone's actually talking abt fire emblem if you gatch my drift

it was alw a greasy nerd game, now it's just for a different kind of greasy nerd

u would think so but you cant. u dont actually make any decisions in the plot of this game.


theres uhh

haha something really great and good i got saved for a little later about it. case in point rather than let u pick things like in awakening, youre locked into every dumb fuckin decision your Kyle makes in this one and it feels awful every time he cocks up because its like

"look it what we did. i cant even help u u piece of shit. u literal garbage."

>its just when ppl talk abt fire emblem now, i dont think anyone's actually talking abt fire emblem if you gatch my drift

you're 100$ right there
I'll gatcha your drift if you know what I mean

i dunno i like the dating sim elements tho. i dont fault a game for wanting me to built some kind of connection with the characters they have in it . like the game still excels at really funny dialogue too, with + lots more character than a game like Star Ocean The We Came Up With The Subtitle Before Deciding A Direction For The Game

This post was last modified: Sep 13, 2016 at 3:37 AM by kaZaam.

u would think so but you cant. u dont actually make any decisions in the plot of this game.


theres uhh

haha something really great and good i got saved for a little later about it. case in point rather than let u pick things like in awakening, youre locked into every dumb fuckin decision your Kyle makes in this one and it feels awful every time he cocks up because its like

"look it what we did. i cant even help u u piece of shit. u literal garbage."

well nm then

atl you can bring your otp's to life

One of the central conceits about choosing the Birthright path in Fire Emblem Fates is that you learn the man who raised you (the king of nohr, emperor, w/e) isn't actually your daddio and youre not related to anyone in nohr - you're the son of the king and queen of hoshido

what Fucking Your Sister brings is you finding out that your dad isn't really your dad either - the dad you watched die as a child when Nohr abducted you and the reason you've now sworn revenge against them
isn't your real dad either but crom is just sort of like "well huh, time to go get balls deep in my half sister so I can lead this army"

I wonder what Hidden Truth's sleeping with the maid who raised you since birth is

great post.


really bad game.

>not playing fansub deluxe

i can pinpoint exactly where you fucked up

fuck off i literally dont care i masturbate to unlimited saga

too fucked up to care fam