[Fast Food Review] Canadian A&W - Crossover Episode

Fun With Despair
Yes, I will still be reviewing porn, I just have to work in the evening on most weekdays and therefore do not have the time required to read and review some nasty fucking hentai.

However, to tide people over, I have decided to go and get some fast food and review that in solidarity with Kyle's review of that KFC VN. I like consistency you see, and this really strokes my consistency boner in a gentle but firm manner. Anyway, A&W is a fast food franchise that is extremely common in Canada, rivaling McDonalds in its frequency and boasting far, far more locations than something like KFC or really any other mainstream fast food franchise period.

However, it is not Canada-exclusive, and does in fact exist in the USA, albeit with an entirely different menu largely consisting of hot dog-based items, which is odd because it does NOT feature any hot dog items at all here, and instead focuses on burgers, fries, and onion rings. It shares only two items with the Canadian menu, that being the "Papa Burger", the origin of which I will get into later, and the Onion Rings, which are quite good and a staple of the brand. I did not take a photo of the collection, but I have photographed each item.


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We shall start with the famous Onion Rings, an item mostly beloved across the country. For good reason too, as unlike most onion rings, the batter coating here is extremely well seasoned and crispy, if perhaps a bit too salty depending. These are, from my understanding, made fresh in-store rather than coming frozen, and you can definitely tell. The coating can be inconsistent at times, and likewise occasionally you can get an undercooked onion or two, but that is very rarely a problem worth complaining about.


Typically onion rings are lacking in flavor and just kind of taste like dough with a shitty withered onion but this is definitely not the case here. Minus the occasional dud ring, these are the best money can get and I've never really had better. They are inconsistent, but in every order you get at least enough good rings to warrant the purchase.

Bacon Cheddar Uncle Burger

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So this is where the lore starts to deepen a bit. You may be wondering what the fuck an Uncle Burger is, and allow me to explain. When A&W opened in the US in the 70s, it based its menu around a concept called the "Burger Family", which divided its menu into a few burgers named after members of a family, each with varying sizes and ingredients. The Baby Burger was the kid's meal, the Teen Burger was a bacon cheeseburger, the Mama Burger was a burger with some onions, the Papa Burger was a double cheeseburger, and the Grandpa Burger has like three patties and dooms you to heart failure.

This concept was complete abandoned in the 80s by A&W USA, but as the company in Canada was bought out by a different brand, they kept this concept around and based their menu around it accordingly. The Uncle Burger was added in the 2010s, and is a bacon cheeseburger with a thick angus patty and real cheddar, along with pretty high quality vegetable garnishes. As you can see, the burger itself looks quite fresh and well made, and the patty has some real weight to it, especially for the price, which is not significantly higher than the equivalent fast foods.


The Uncle Burger is pretty much one of the best fast food burgers you can get around here. It's juicy, flavorful, and honestly compares to a lot of actual restaurant burgers favorably. I have no complaints with this thing, it's actually great and very consistent in quality.


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There's not much to say about this. It's pretty good. If you've ever had a McDonalds apple pie, or even an apple pie in general, picture that concept but with a shell that is a bit crispier and resembling a churro in flavor. That's about what you're getting here. When I ordered my meal, they actually neglected to give me the apple turnover at first despite it being part of my order. I had to go back and ask for it. Thankfully, they did give me two in a display of penance, which is always appreciated.


It's a pretty good pie, but doesn't stand out much unless you're a big cinnamon sugar fan. The shell has a satisfying crunch, but by the time I actually got mine it was cold, as they forgot to give it me and it was just sitting on the counter. Docked a point for that.


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Now, A&W is famous for its root beer, but I elected to get the coffee instead as it was free. I was however, disappointed. A&W's actual coffee blend is fairly good, however their employees are quite awful at making it to the point where I feel as though a trained ape would put out a better product. It was just too watery this time. I've had some good A&W coffee even a short while ago, but this stuff in particular just made me wish I did not order it black, as it wound up tasting just like vague burned water, if that makes any sense.


Not to outright diss their coffee in general, but this experience specifically disappointed me greatly. I would have been better off making drip brew coffee at home rather than consume this. It was nice and warm on a gray, chilly day, but it didn't bring anything else to the table here, let alone some actual fucking flavor.

All in all, I feel as though Canadian fast food is almost objectively higher quality than the American equivalent, something that became increasingly obvious to me as I was slowly viewing the repugnant shit that Satan was posting. I also feel the need to specify that our version of Dominos Pizza is also significantly better to a point where they are extremely popular here due to their high quality pizza at relative affordable prices and are not at all considered to be a greasy budget brand despite that.

get fucked, americans.
it's surprising to hear about A&W being drastically different outside of the US, i've never even set foot in one here but if a completely different company is managing it and doing a better job that'd make sense

the apple turnover sounds delicious, if it's like a churro apple pie fusion that is probably pretty good shit

i will defend the pride of certain american establishments. whataburger (minus their chicken related items, which are below average but not the main attraction) and raising canes in particular. honorable mention to carls jr/hardees and cfa. i do think that the general standard of american fast food is significantly lower than elsewhere but that does not mean that all of them are shitty. carls jr in japan was literally identical foodwise to carls jr/hardees over here despite them having significantly upgraded KFC/mcds/what have you and i believe that stands for a lot. wendys was the highest tier place kyle reviewed by far and even their burgers kinda make me feel nauseous to eat sometimes.

on the note of dominos: having experienced japanese dominos which is way pricier and supposedly higher clout, that shit sucked so i honestly have no idea what to think of their international outreach. it kind of seems like it depends on which one you go to as far as america is concerned. my local one has treated me well and also has been extremely receptive to any of the times they HAVE messed up and completely compensated me so for how good their prices are it's hard to rate them poorly for me.
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this is still a porn review because a&w onion rings are better than sex
their chicken is also really good and, depending on how competent the employees are @MFan168, it can be better than kfc
wow that is a surprisingly good looking burger for a fast food joint
I must add, A&W Canada DOES have a singular hotdog on the menu. But its just a grilled hotdog, nothing too special.
kanye west
That Bacon Cheddar be lookin mighty tasty on god's name I do say so, hunger is what gives me
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that actually looks pretty good
Great review! Only thing I'd really wish you'd touched more on is that you didn't review the iconic root beer, which is more famous than the entire rest of the menu, and maybe mention how it has changed to cane sugar in recent years. Also, it might be worth noting that A&W seasons its burgers with a seasoning salt, which I quite enjoy, but others might want to avoid if they're watching their sodium.
5/5 Review.

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