god that's an ugly title screen. ok here we go bitches. this game has a cool guy with a big sword on the cover so i guess it's gonna be like zelda for adults. plus, i was pleased to see that it's rated T (for titties). big step for nintendo but i'm down
i'm a sex haver so i picked hard mode
the game starts with like a cartoon but it's 3d. idk how to put cartoons in my post so i'll just describe it. basically this guy tries to murder an elderly man by beating him with a stick. the senior citizen knows tie kwon do and beats the shit out of him
as his life flashes before his eyes, he recalls his goth mommy gf and rises from the dead
then the graphics get way shittier but it's still just people fucking talking. the blue guy is ike and this chick keeps coming on to him but ike knows 10/10s don't fw 4/10s
this green guy shows up and ike vows to kill him. this next part is kinda weird, like you tell your guy what to do and then you just watch him go. probably just some weird tutorial thing idk. hopefully i can turn that off later
this time ike uses a sword made of metal instead of fucking trees so it goes much better
indeed this is enough to kill the old guy too
there's a bunch more talking and shit but i'll spare you that part. join us next time when i get to do a real battle