(don't judge me, those who are seeing this from #newthreads)
so last year during the pandemic, to distract myself from the fact that my last year of high school was effectively cancelled and other fun stuff, i saw that disney+ included nearly every single one of the 110 disney channel original movies in existence. what started as a neat experiment of "eh sure, i'll try out some of the older ones" soon evolved into a masochistic mission to at least try out them all that took me until just today to finish. to be fair, when i was a kid the only dcoms i had seen were the halloweentown films and a few movies linked to disney shows i was watching at the time, but i couldn't help but be fascinated by them anyway; sure, they're essentially just kiddie hallmark flicks, but watching them all in order was basically an interesting progressing time capsule of what kids' tastes and trends were like, not to mention how some of these were legitimate icons for their times i had missed out on
so yes i was mainly in it for the late 90s and early 2000s cheese. once it got to the 2010s i was suffering every second. the 2010s as a decade fucking sucked.
starting out i did try to finish everything i watched, but once i realized what i was truly in for i switched to only getting to the end of what really grabbed me and then the first 10 minutes of everything else. would i actually recommend you go out and see any of these? no. fuck no. all of these dcoms are virtually the same, and even the ones that were tolerable were only good for dcoms instead of actual movies. bbbbbbut that doesn't mean i won't give my top 5 (((relatively))) favorite ones
in no particular order:
1. First two Halloweentown movies: admittedly i say this with bias since they're some of the few dcoms i saw before this marathon but i don't care, these are the shit. it's sort of like charlie brown christmas in that it's drowning in awkward hokiness but isn't any less of a holiday tradition because of it; the sets are full of charm, the costumes/makeup and special effects can be surprisingly good at times, and debbie reynolds is america's grandma and i won't take any objections. also the first movie has a pentagram in it. there are two more movies after these, but the third one forgoes the halloweentown completely in favor of a normal-ass human high school and the fourth one replaces the actress of the main character for no reason and really wants you to pretend nothing changed
2. Kim Possible: So The Drama (2005): this one's quality's mostly a side effect of being a feature length episode of a show that was already good (note: was too young to have seen kim possible while it was on), but it still has some legitimately well-animated fight choreography and plenty of clever writing. bonus points for kim kicking shego into a radio tower which then explodes leading to her apparent death, metal as fuck
3. High School Musical 2 (2007): really only this high up to me for being the hsm movie with the most focus on the best dcom character ever made in the form of Rich Bitch Sharpay Evans. unironically enough to carry the movie for me. i do think hsm 3 is an improvement in every way but that's technically not a dcom so fuck me i guess
4. The Color of Friendship (2000): even though it's basically just an anti-racism psa it's honestly a ballsy one, especially from disney who hasn't had the guts to get out of their comfort zone much like this since. as in, it's the only disney movie where you'll hear the n-word. besides song of the south, maybe. very problematic, that one.
5. Cadet Kelly (2002): most likely the only dcom i would come close to classify as a good movie, instead of just a good dcom. strong emotional beats and character moments, effective at making the military look cool without coming off as america-wanking, strong lesbian energy between hilary duff and christy carlson romano, there's just so MUCH
i won't bother making a bottom 5 considering if a dcom was That bad i just wouldn't bother finishing it, but i'll at least list some off that were notable for all the wrong fucking reasons
Brink! (1998): perfectly average roller skating romp that had "why don't you go back to your country" as an insult in the late 90s and was treated so much more lightly than if it were said today
Miracle in Lane 2 (2000): normal soapbox racing movie with frankie muniz that has the most batshit insane final minute to Any movie i've ever seen
Hounded (2000): 90 minutes of shia labeouf being an entertaining shithead while also having him plagiarize almost a decade before his actual plagiarism scandal. what foreshadowing
Pixel Perfect (2004): a movie about a holographic teen singing star a.i. that predicted hatsune miku by three years. can't be a coincidence. it just can't.
Freaky Friday (2018): okay, disney. let's talk. it's bad enough that you made this only two years after another body swap dcom (which itself came out the same year as Your Name, but that's a whole different discussion). it's also bad enough that it's the remake of a movie that already had a lindsay lohan/jamie lee curtis remake that was perfectly fine. but why the fffffFUCK is this a musical, do you have any idea how many of your dcoms from the past ten years have been musicals because you can't let go of high school musical just like a middle-age washup not moving on from his high school quarterback days, what is WRONG with yo-
and that just about does it for this write-up, i'm never watching a movie again. thank youuuuuuu
so last year during the pandemic, to distract myself from the fact that my last year of high school was effectively cancelled and other fun stuff, i saw that disney+ included nearly every single one of the 110 disney channel original movies in existence. what started as a neat experiment of "eh sure, i'll try out some of the older ones" soon evolved into a masochistic mission to at least try out them all that took me until just today to finish. to be fair, when i was a kid the only dcoms i had seen were the halloweentown films and a few movies linked to disney shows i was watching at the time, but i couldn't help but be fascinated by them anyway; sure, they're essentially just kiddie hallmark flicks, but watching them all in order was basically an interesting progressing time capsule of what kids' tastes and trends were like, not to mention how some of these were legitimate icons for their times i had missed out on
so yes i was mainly in it for the late 90s and early 2000s cheese. once it got to the 2010s i was suffering every second. the 2010s as a decade fucking sucked.
starting out i did try to finish everything i watched, but once i realized what i was truly in for i switched to only getting to the end of what really grabbed me and then the first 10 minutes of everything else. would i actually recommend you go out and see any of these? no. fuck no. all of these dcoms are virtually the same, and even the ones that were tolerable were only good for dcoms instead of actual movies. bbbbbbut that doesn't mean i won't give my top 5 (((relatively))) favorite ones
in no particular order:
1. First two Halloweentown movies: admittedly i say this with bias since they're some of the few dcoms i saw before this marathon but i don't care, these are the shit. it's sort of like charlie brown christmas in that it's drowning in awkward hokiness but isn't any less of a holiday tradition because of it; the sets are full of charm, the costumes/makeup and special effects can be surprisingly good at times, and debbie reynolds is america's grandma and i won't take any objections. also the first movie has a pentagram in it. there are two more movies after these, but the third one forgoes the halloweentown completely in favor of a normal-ass human high school and the fourth one replaces the actress of the main character for no reason and really wants you to pretend nothing changed
2. Kim Possible: So The Drama (2005): this one's quality's mostly a side effect of being a feature length episode of a show that was already good (note: was too young to have seen kim possible while it was on), but it still has some legitimately well-animated fight choreography and plenty of clever writing. bonus points for kim kicking shego into a radio tower which then explodes leading to her apparent death, metal as fuck
3. High School Musical 2 (2007): really only this high up to me for being the hsm movie with the most focus on the best dcom character ever made in the form of Rich Bitch Sharpay Evans. unironically enough to carry the movie for me. i do think hsm 3 is an improvement in every way but that's technically not a dcom so fuck me i guess
4. The Color of Friendship (2000): even though it's basically just an anti-racism psa it's honestly a ballsy one, especially from disney who hasn't had the guts to get out of their comfort zone much like this since. as in, it's the only disney movie where you'll hear the n-word. besides song of the south, maybe. very problematic, that one.
5. Cadet Kelly (2002): most likely the only dcom i would come close to classify as a good movie, instead of just a good dcom. strong emotional beats and character moments, effective at making the military look cool without coming off as america-wanking, strong lesbian energy between hilary duff and christy carlson romano, there's just so MUCH
i won't bother making a bottom 5 considering if a dcom was That bad i just wouldn't bother finishing it, but i'll at least list some off that were notable for all the wrong fucking reasons
Brink! (1998): perfectly average roller skating romp that had "why don't you go back to your country" as an insult in the late 90s and was treated so much more lightly than if it were said today
Miracle in Lane 2 (2000): normal soapbox racing movie with frankie muniz that has the most batshit insane final minute to Any movie i've ever seen
Hounded (2000): 90 minutes of shia labeouf being an entertaining shithead while also having him plagiarize almost a decade before his actual plagiarism scandal. what foreshadowing
Pixel Perfect (2004): a movie about a holographic teen singing star a.i. that predicted hatsune miku by three years. can't be a coincidence. it just can't.
Freaky Friday (2018): okay, disney. let's talk. it's bad enough that you made this only two years after another body swap dcom (which itself came out the same year as Your Name, but that's a whole different discussion). it's also bad enough that it's the remake of a movie that already had a lindsay lohan/jamie lee curtis remake that was perfectly fine. but why the fffffFUCK is this a musical, do you have any idea how many of your dcoms from the past ten years have been musicals because you can't let go of high school musical just like a middle-age washup not moving on from his high school quarterback days, what is WRONG with yo-
and that just about does it for this write-up, i'm never watching a movie again. thank youuuuuuu
![[Image: s2n7oi.png]](https://files.catbox.moe/s2n7oi.png)
