Not to be confused with King of the Hill, the hit animated sitcom from the FOX network, which later went on to cancel it to make way for The Cleveland Show, an aggressively mediocre spinoff of Family G-

Oh god, the timelines are collapsing, the garrisons are merging...

Anyway, the most notable feature of this place is the simple fact that it's right next to a MASSIVE sledding hill. That's about it. It's in the middle of a rather nice little walking area, which made coming over here pleasant enough, despite the fact that it took me much longer to get my ass over here than it would have to photograph two entire playgrounds last time. Oh well. Let's take a look at the playground:

As you can see, the locale is much nicer than the previous park I did, but that's besides the point. Similar to last time, it's pretty small on the outside, but maybe it's got some hidden treasures. Hey, at least it's got swings again, which is always nice. Lots of big rocks to sit on too. I don't really think I'm rewarding points for how aesthetic the surroundings are, but this one is less bleak looking than some others for sure.

Around the playground, you've got the swings, of course. These are pretty similar to the last set of swings this garrison, you can't adjust the height by wrapping them over, but they're still high enough to accommodate even a grown adult with little issue. One of the seats is uh, kind of saggy though compared to the relatively firm seat to the right of it. Not really sure why, but neither one is particularly uncomfortable, so it's not much of an issue in my opinion. The saggy one's probably just been used more, I presume.

These stepping stones are the best yet this garrison. They are spring loaded, so they sink down as you step on them and you can bounce around. There's only three of them, and they don't really like, connect to anything, but I haven't seen this variety yet, so I'll give some points for uniqueness. I like the bounce, it's fun and feels good to use. I guess that's the tradeoff for their relative isolation from other play structures, unlike the more practical features of this variety that lead from place to place.

The climbing wall though... what a sad state of affairs.

I can't even tell what you're supposed to do here. There's like three footholds a foot off the ground, and then a massive gap between them and some random-ass cutout shapes that your hands and feet barely fit in. The climbing wall last time was great, but what the fuck is this? As an adult it's hard to try and interact meaningfully with the top of the wall, and I can't imagine a kid is going to have much fun getting up there considering there's approximately fuck all to hang onto. I'm convinced that this thing is either missing a middle piece, or was designed by a total asshole.

Taking a walk around the main structure of the playground, I noticed that it's... trying to have a castle theme. Previously I'd already reviewed a castle themed playground that was pretty okay, especially as it was situated right next to a great pirate ship themed playground so you enact a naval siege or something, but this one's theme consists of a few loosely castle-themed plates made out of the black, hole-strewn material often used as flooring for these things. Not overly impressive, but I sort of like how there's a "dungeon" underneath the playground with prison bars and such. Good for roleplay.

In terms of ways to get on, there's the plebian stairs, as well as yet another spiral climbing thing. Real original, guys. On the other side, they have this pole lined with steps, serving the same function as a ladder with a bit more flair, as well as this... weird thing that looks like you used the rounded rectangle tool in MS paint and just went to town. Functionally, all of these serve their purposes, but none of them particularly stand out as anything special or particularly fun.

I'll be the first to admit, mind you, that I might be being too hard on some of these though. I've looked at what, like 30 playgrounds in total thus far? They can't all do something new. Still, it was nice running into weird town themed playgrounds on spooky nights and what not last time I did this back in... 2019? Maybe I'll find some more thematic winners in the back half.

Alright, not even gonna mince words here, it sucks dick on this playground. There is quite literally nothing to do on here except walk across a bridge and go down one of two identical slides, with the only difference being the quantity of gravel piled on top. What the hell? Never thought I'd be longing for the days of the meme wheel, but here we are I guess. The most you can do is peek out the windows in the "castle" at people playing outside, or maybe stomp around to spook the guy in the dungeon.

As I stand up here contemplating how much time I've wasted thus far though, I notice a path leading off into the distance, to what looks like another gravel pit - potentially hosting another playground, so I go to check it out.

The path over is actually pretty nice, but what I find at the end of the metaphorical yellow brick road is... a little less so. Some baby swings, and two rocking horse frogs, spaced just a little too far apart in the middle of a massive patch of jack shit. The poor red one looks like he craves a quick and painless death. Easy to see why too, these guys were designed for the smallest of children and the moment I took a seat atop the red one, he immediately flopped backwards on his spring and planted my ass right into the gravel.

I stand up and stare him in the eyes, his expression of immense despair boring into my very soul. I shake my head in pity. We are both prisoners, slaves to the playground.

With a deep exhale, I leave him to his torment and turn my attention to the hill. While not technically part of the playground, it IS a sledding hill, presumably built up for use in play. Might as well check it out. On the way up, a sign warns me not to sled or snowboard in the summer, which... yeah okay I figured. Thanks, captain obvious. None of those things would even really work in the summertime anyway, unless you covered the hill with sand or something.

Up top there's a bench and some ruins that are definitely ancient and very real and DEFINITELY not just put there by whatever development company built this place as a point of interest to add some scenery to the big ass hill in the suburbs. I'll give them some credit though, it's a rather nice sitting area either way. It's probably like this to give parents a place to hang out while their kids are sledding, or at least to give me a place to sit down after walking up a big ass hill.

Gazing down the hill is quite a nice view. You can spot the lake in the distance, as well as the walking path that took me here. I'm sure that if I had a sled or even some skis, this would be a great place to use them, but I do not and also it is the summer. I don't really care about the sign telling me not to do so, mind you, but I'm not about to try and scoot my ass down or roll down on my side just to try out the hill. Maybe in the winter I'll do an update, but for now, the hill shall remain unsledded.

In truth, it's hard to give this place a proper rating. On one hand, the playground is very mediocre, with some actually bad aspects like the climbing wall, but on the other hand, the sledding hill would seriously kick ass in the wintertime and would probably turn this park - if not the playground, into a complete fucking banger of a time. Plus, it's not like the playground is terrible or anything, it is at the very least functional. While on an average day I would probably give the playground itself a relatively low rating, the inclusion of the sledding hill at least balances it out somewhat, making it a mid-tier place to hang out overall.

As it's really too hard to accurately rank without being in the season to enjoy this place fully, I'm tentatively giving this one a...

5/10

That's no climbing wall, that's an ancient mural depicting the Great Serpent of Ronka. Scree!



That area looks way too nice to have a park this shitty. Shame.

agree with hearts, the surrounding area looks pleasant and the sledding hill seems like a great time. but holy fuck that playground is just awful, there is literally no appeal to it at all other than the 3 stepping stones THAT DON'T CONNECT TO SHIT SO YOU CAN BARELY USE THEM

also those 'ruins' lmao. what the fuck

the all beige palette is fucking SOULLESS

see I'm a fan of the palette and aesthetics, but you're right the Content sucks