This post was last modified: May 7, 2018 at 6:42 PM by Crash Bandicoot.

*gee, tough crowd.
alright, fine, here's my actual account.

---

*i left my room and got sprayed by that rum auto-turret thing,
and i could here someone a little too close to the intercom.

*i picked up some stuff from the vape shop, and as i was leaving,
i saw a little delivery bot leaving the mmo shop.

*i went down to the food court, i heard some yelling about the
mmo shop, and there's glass all over the place.

*cardgage went to the north hallway, and the couch guy was
flying high. he also had an rc drone.

*me and mr. couch hung out while i had some 'dogs, until i
left to go get some heelys from the shoe shop.

*when i wheel back into the food court it's all just a mess
i take the stairs up as kira takes the escalator.

*i check out the arcade to see if they have undertale for
the nintendo switch, but unfortunately they didn't.

*as i leave i see kira cut off one of cardgage's hands.
gloves? hands. he runs to the big hallway. i go to bed.

Pretty lame night for me lads. Did a bit of shopping, got followed by Alouette to the Casino. Didn't do no gamblin' tonight tho, mug's game. Ran into fancy glasses man there too. Got myself some beauty sleep.

Did see the girl head into the florist's early on tho.

'ey, that flower shop got any sample drugs? Let's squirt some on the sample flower to see wot'd happen.

Also, any clues on the delivery bot? I'd also like to 'ave a gander at the chute next to Alouette's room/hall.

*could you describe this supposed skeleton playing slots?

(@Pea)

I'd like to examine Alouette's room in general, and possibly question her Boogeyman, if she has one.

I'd especially like to pocket any Bux I find, for... research purposes, clearly.

You'd have to ask he-

...right.

You ask her mourning watcher by the crow's nest. He approves the use of the boogeyman.

The boogeyman leaves his room, pondering by the room's monitor, never touching it.

The boogeyman then comes back and imitates getting scared, mimicking getting swallowed by something.

As for the bux request, I'll kick your ass if you ask again.

I'll answer the other questions later.

The first act didn't turn out as well as I'd hoped for. "Hero overcomes adversity" is a best-selling plotline for a reason, though. Here's the scoop on how this script played out.

-I woke up, with one thing on my mind: proving my superiority over my fellow wrestler. It'd take a while to find him, though, so I started location scouting. Gotta see how the camera looks, then begin shooting.
-Leaving my room, Senor Cardgage leaves the MMO shop, getting blasted with rum. Perfect trailer moment. He leaves for the escalator hallway, and so do I, but years of doing my own stunts lets me dodge the turret. Moneybags is grinding up the up escalator, and the couch delivery man's going downstairs.
-With both Kira and Moneybags on the walkway, this is a perfect money shot! I break the walkway, ignoring the bizarre background voice, and watch the pieces fall to the food court. Wish I had slow-motion for that. The two of them got off in time, though.
-I go to the music room, ready to practice my voiceover work. Senor Cardgage is using it, so I just declare a free sale at the MMO shop and leave. Let's see those suckers handle how Hollywood plays!
-Leaving the shop, I check out the goods in the robot shop, but don't find anything worth buying. So I just go downstairs and occupy the top bathroom, watching someone wearing a pillowcase going up the elevator.
-There, I begin to commune with the one true god who rules over us all, asking for His help and that of His priestess so that I can represent His glory in this killing game. Before He can answer, though, someone interrupts me with a smoke cloud and a dropkick. Do they have no sense of respect for a man's religion!?
-Once they stop hitting me, I get up and leave - I've taken far worse poundings at the box office. I go to the gym to keep myself in shape... and I see him. Stone Cold Steve Austin.
-Ready to fight him, I charge at Austin, dodging dumbbells, and go for the attack. However, since I picked my climatic battle too early in the script, I get my ass kicked. It's a total flop, wouldn't last two weekends in theaters. I'll need to reshoot later.
-Heading towards the food court, I notice some wreckage and a general mess, but no people. My plan to audition for roles in my next film is a bust.
-I go to the first floor bedrooms, finding a playing card on the way there. When I go there, ready to ask Moneybags for funding, I find a bed covered in negative man figurines, and a mysterious unknown man. Tossing the card at Shirabe's room door, I get out of there as fast as I can.
-Heading back to my room, I see the delivery bot dropping something off for Kira. I go to bed, preparing my next great blockbuster idea.

@Pea Check out both the card on my room door, and the one I found and left by Shirabe's door.

I'd like to have a gander at how many delivery bots are active. Y'know, just incase there's a fake one 'anging about.

Couch delivery man has been staring off at the wall blankly, his mouth slightly agape. He has a potent skunky stench.

“Huh?” He seems to snap back to attention. “Oh uh, sorry? What’d I see? Yesterday?”

He takes a moment, his eyes wandering up towards the ceiling as he thinks.

“Well like, I grabbed a couple drinks, then I went to the best buy upstairs and they had some neat stuff.”

He seems visibly distracted.

“So I set up my stuff and there was some talking on the intercom. I decided I’d like a smoke so I headed upstairs and like, saw Drei getting some camping stuff. The intercom went off while I was getting some smokes, sayin’ somethin’ about a whore’s divorce?

On my way out I saw Drei again and remembered I needed to get the couch signed for or my boss would kick my ass so I asked Drei and he signed for it. Thanks bro, you’re a lifesaver.”

He goes silent for a moment before his expression changes to one of disappoint.

“I ate some tasty Asian Express, was hanging with sans, having a good smoke, and having an overall rad time until Steve Austin broke my RC car.

It really bummed me out so I headed back to my room and I ran into the pregnant lady it and made me think of gundam so we started talkin’ about Gundam and it was pretty fun. She was playin with some figurines which is cool I don’t judge I have a Deadpool bust and a buncha Funko Pops. She was makin’ some loud noises but I was really into talkin’ about Heero Yuy’s tortured soul so I just kinda talked over her until I realized she probably wasn’t into my Gundam Seed so I headed back to my room.

So that’s it.”

He goes silent for a moment, pulling some chips out of his pocket, popping them into his mouth, starting to chew before he begins to talk again, mouth full of chips.

“Oh yah, pillow café perfon wenf in himf roomf”

'ey, that flower shop got any sample drugs? Let's squirt some on the sample flower to see wot'd happen.

Also, any clues on the delivery bot? I'd also like to 'ave a gander at the chute next to Alouette's room/hall.

The CARNIVOROUS PLANT grows at an alarming rate, becoming just as big as your average human. It's looking at you with a very hungry intent, so you might not want to get close to it.

The DELIVERY CHUTE is a chute, which is connected to all of the bedrooms of the current floor. You can't find much there without asking the person for their bedroom's chute.

As for ALOUETTE'S CHUTE... It's empty.

*could you describe this supposed skeleton playing slots?

(@Pea)

It's not actually playing the slot machines, it's just sitting at one of them. Nothing unusual about it.

@Pea Check out both the card on my room door, and the one I found and left by Shirabe's door.

There's an ACE OF DIAMONDS at your door, and an ACE OF HEARTS by PREGNANT SHIRABE's door.

I'd like to have a gander at how many delivery bots are active. Y'know, just incase there's a fake one 'anging about.

The only active DELIVERY BOT starts and ends its day at the SECURITY ROOM. You'd have to search for any fakes.

I'd like to check the Elevator and the Robot Shop. I witnessed a potential suspect in each, and I'm wondering if there's anything incriminating in either.

I'd like to check the Elevator and the Robot Shop. I witnessed a potential suspect in each, and I'm wondering if there's anything incriminating in either.

You check the elevator. A bit of PLANT STEROID residue can be found on the floor.

The ROBOT SHOP doesn't have much to it, apart from a SECURITY CAMERA.

Can the camera's footage be viewed by anyone, or only the owner of the shop?

'Cos like, if we can view it that'd probably veeery quickly solve a question, eh?

Can the camera's footage be viewed by anyone, or only the owner of the shop?

'Cos like, if we can view it that'd probably veeery quickly solve a question, eh?

Only the owner can see the footage. It's up to them to fess up and give the deets.

[YEHEAH BOY INTENSIFIES]



.............................



Shut up it's time for me.

The god of cooking, Ainsley Harriott, myself, woke up and took a nice stroll looking for ingredients for my next greatest dish. As I leave my room, I spot the walletbags guy going to the food court. I'll be there shortly to make some NICE AND HOT MEAT. After I get some more ingredients. I go into the fountain space but don't see anyone there to worship the god of cooking, so I get bored. You all should recognize me, Ainsley Harriott, a bit more. I do notice something that I need at a nice little medical shop however, and buy some safety mask things for when you're coughing. Can't get any nastiness in the food I make of course. Actually, I'll buy three. And wear them all. You can never be too safe.

I fuck off from there and know my duty must be done, fresh ingredients or not, I have to provide the BEST JERK CHICKEN AROUND. I start to head to the one place where you would get the best Jerk Chicken made.... Asian Express. Okay. As long as I get to give some meat a good ol' rub then it'll have to do. On my way there I see kaminonoa or whatever your name is going to the lounge leisure whatever. Somehow YoshiKira person is next to me, hello. But looks like they didn't notice me. YOU WILL RECOGNIZE THE GREATEST CHEF. Whatever.

I get behind the counter of the Asian Express and start giving... thE MeAT... A gOOd Ol' RUUUUUB!!!!



.... sorry about that. I really like cooking.

Anyways, eventually I see the british rich guy who sings that real good song. It's time to start sharing the good word.....

I tell him to give that meat a good ol' rub. Nice and HOT. He runs away scared. I know, I know, cooking can be intimidating, his time will come... and so will I.



ahem

Anyways. I keep jerking my chicken, and suddenly hear "That's all, folks" coming from the speakers. Shut up, I'm trying to focus. After that, some weird person shows up with a pillow case on their head from the escalators. IT'S TIME. TO OIL UP. RUB MEAT. They don't care, kids these days can't appreciate true cuisine. Then the fucking speakers AGAIN, this time with some fucking weird line that got me strangely aroused as it talked about food somewhat. "Uhhhh, escargot me, Bethany, can I play my hors d’oeuvres?" then some creepy, dramatic, sensual breathing that can only be mustered by thinking of quality food. Whoever this was, they're a true connoisseur of the art of food, I can tell- HOLY SHIT SOMEONE JUST BROKE THE GLASS WALKWAY ABOVE US WOW IT'S LIKE IT'S A KG EXCEPT I DIDN'T DO THE SHATTERING THIS TIME- sorry. This apparently scares the pillowcase nerd as he runs to the southern corridor.

After all the excitement and jerking (of the chicken) no one else really shows up so.... I get tired. So I leave. I find Three... oh I mean Drei on my way back to whom I start talking about my AMAZING. JERK. CHICKEN. As we're walking and discussing JERK. CHICKEN. the delivery bot rolls by. Oh okay, deliver me some MEAT please. As soon as Drei goes away and I enter my room I hear the speaker again, something about a sale at the MMO shop. I have no time for this nonsense, I must sleep so I can prepare more M E A T tomorrow. I get in my bed, and dream of jerking.... chicken.... all.... day.... LONG.



YEHEAAAAHHHH BOY.

Our cause could probably be helped if we could find the masked individual. Shame no one is volunteering.

Can shop-owners use the chutes to deliver items themselves? Or is it a bot-only privilege? How large are the chutes?

Can shop-owners use the chutes to deliver items themselves? Or is it a bot-only privilege? How large are the chutes?

The DELIVERY CHUTE is too small for you to fit in.

You'd wonder how a skeleton would fit. The DELIVERY BOT just kinda bends it in a way that a human wouldn't survive it. Rest assured, the chutes are programmed to have your ordered items land at your bedroom chute.

If a shop owner were to use the CHUTE, it would probably land at SECURITY.

Just for reference, I'd like to check the security office.

Just for reference, I'd like to check the security office.

The DELIVERY BOT sits there. Some of the uniforms inside have a couple of creases on them.

Time to get... tedious.

I'd like to check the Music Room/Intercom, the Arcade and the Rec Room for any possible hiding delivery fakers.