Oh man, someone killed Space Dandy and it wasnt even me??

Search the Movie Archive, specifically I wanna take a look at the screen and the video player. The shelves stacked full of the videos too.

Is there a movie in the player? Any films about horses present at all?



Oh, right!

ERICA, darling! Savior of my silver screen! 6th place tournament superstar! Great job pulling me out of that fire back there, my life was flashing before my eyes! Talk about a rerun!

You wouldn't happen to know where that little guy who knocked me in went, would you?



I tell you, that KNIGHT... He's got some real nerve, alright! Nerve... and a shin-height stick!

And there you have it, whippersnappers: Exhibit A for why staying in school is an absolute must! Look at that dandy man, barely broke into his thriving thirties and reduced to a miserable little nothing swimming in body fluids! What a sorry waste of youth, couldn't even get to experience the wonders of being a security guard for 50 years. (Perhaps this choice of first role was most regrettable...)

Oh, and I do apologize in advance if it sounds like I'm off my rocker. Seems like I must have taken the wrong kind of medication last night, so everyone looked to me like a bunch of cute, fuzzy animal critters. It was as if I was walking around in one of those Bugs Bunny cartoons from when I was a little girl!

So how should I start...? Oh, yes! I got out of the blue dorms at the same time as Drago the Wolf (How do I know the names???), and we both went on our way towards the Garden. Rotor the Walrus had just left the Stellaric Seal and Amadeus Prower had left the Crystal Mines, and the latter started juvenilely racing Drago to the seal room. On the way, Enerjak went into the Cow Grotto to search for something in the grass before going into the Garden, and I myself reach the Convenience Store. What was my business in some filthy bodega, you ask?

Because I knew none of you cave trolls would take the high ground and leave a poor, see-through-skin woman alone! It was only common sense that I grabbed the baseball bat from behind the counter if I didn't want to meet my neighbor (What's a good 1940s sounding name...) Dolores in heaven! Truly ugly, how she met her end at the fate of the bottomfeeding hooligans we call today's youth! There we were only a month ago, talking about our favorite (Y-yarn?) yarn brands at a cafe, when she choked on a crouton from her tomato soup and dropped dead on the spot! What do you mean, it wasn't direct murder?! I saw the youngster cook behind the counter, face riddled with pimples and probably nothing on the mind except tipping cows over and (Er...) communism (To hell with it, go with the flow.)! He must have had contempt for the wisdom of the elderly and gave Dolores's soup a crouton too big for her delicate throat to handle! His hands are caked with blood, CAKED I say! Never trust a whippersnapper, all they want is to shove us into retirement prisons and call us "boomers", "boomers", "BOO-"

Oh, look at me, getting carried away when we have our own murder to solve! Never mind all that, dearies, I'll just get to brass tacks. (Christ, how I hate improv....)

Right, the baseball bat. I almost forgot, while I was there, Julie-Su was there chatting with some horse-masked figure behind the counter. The equine fellow shouted at me for reaching behind, but far be it from me to respect a high school-dropout gas station clerk! Rotor passes through towards the Pirate Ship, and I started following Julie-Su towards the Printing Press. We both arrived at the Christmas Tree, and-what? I'm long in my years, but these brittle bones still have some holiday joy left in them! Zonic was sitting on a throne with a Santa costume next to him, and Sally Acorn was also there, flipping through some presents. I open the first thing I see, and what do I get but-oooooh, a Brita water filter! Couldn't have come any sooner after I found out water bottles give me allergic reactions now!

I then needed to pass through the Giant Hamster Cage for something, just to get bumped into by Nicole and have my contacts fall out of my eyes! I felt around for them for a few minutes, and after I found them and placed them back in, I saw Zonic cleaning the bedding in the Cage. I marched off to the Vending Machine Hall to give Nicole a piece of my mind, but she didn't even look at me! She was too busy finagling with the leash around her neck! The deviancy of our youth knows no end!

Now, I knew that there was a horse in this building (Or at least some horse....girl...thing?), so what I was thinking was "what better way to nourish her than with a nice, juicy carrot?" So I bought one from one of the vending machines, and when she came by (somehow, I knew it was her through her cartoon mirage), I made her eat the whole thing in one bite! Satisfied, I then went to the Rock Climbing Walls for some healthy living of my own, though alas, the walls rejected me. They simply didn't know any better. Instead, I thought it best to unwind in the Movie Archives and put on a random episode of Silver Samurai...

But it just wasn't the same without my darling Edgeypoo! How I wish he was here by my side, sounding off all the best Silver Samurai quotes with me! If only I could have him disbarred so he'd never leave my sight...

In any case. It was finally time that I got some rest, and so I proceeded back towards the Blue Dorms. This Spamton looking creature was leaving the EE AA OO room as I was entering, where the whole room was practically burnt to a crisp with a destroyed microwave right in the middle! Conniving whippersnappers, they can't even make popcorn right! When I finally get to the dorms, where I see Mammoth Mogul, Rotor the Walrus, and Jerkops, I take my rest.

(I've heard of "suffering for your art", but perhaps I'm taking it to a masochistic degree....)

How much blood is in the piss? Does it look like the amount of blood that would be from the kill being the throat cut open?

This post was last modified: Jul 19, 2025 at 9:02 PM by Phone Booth.

Search the Movie Archive, specifically I wanna take a look at the screen and the video player. The shelves stacked full of the videos too.

Is there a movie in the player? Any films about horses present at all?

You check the Movie Archive and find that just about everything you can think of is catalogued, including some prolific Japanese horse races. There aren't logs listing what were played but you check the DVD player and find a copy of Animal Kingdom, an Australian crime drama.

This post was last modified: Jul 19, 2025 at 9:04 PM by Phone Booth.

How much blood is in the piss? Does it look like the amount of blood that would be from the kill being the throat cut open?

It's hard to tell exactly how much blood is in the piss, what's there has been pretty diluted.

Oh, right!

ERICA, darling! Savior of my silver screen! 6th place tournament superstar! Great job pulling me out of that fire back there, my life was flashing before my eyes! Talk about a rerun!

You wouldn't happen to know where that little guy who knocked me in went, would you?



I tell you, that KNIGHT... He's got some real nerve, alright! Nerve... and a shin-height stick!

"I'll just tell you everything I know."

"I began my night camping out in the bushes at the Garden. I heard some rustling and was woken up by the Villager picking the berries. It's okay, he can have them as long as he leaves me alone. I gesture to him to keep it down and not tell anyone about me, but it doesn't matter now. My spot has been exposed so I'll have to find a new one tomorrow night."

"I heard the AA EE OO Room start glitching out and got a pager message from the boss telling me to check it out, so I went over there. Along the way I saw a small black creature dart into the Train Room."

"When I arrived at the AA EE OO Room it was in flames. I noticed Mr. Tenna just outside the doorway and quickly pulled him out of the room. Usually I'm not one for heroics, but if it's what the boss wants... I grabbed the fire extinguisher that's kept in the Breakroom and started to put the fire out. That's when I noticed Spamton was KO'd on the floor. I pulled him to safety and extinguished the rest of the room."

"Mr. Bonka walked into the room and told me I did a good job. He then walked in and out a few times, looked at the ceiling, and shrugged saying "F- it" before going back to Lab Zero. I grabbed some apples and jerky then returned to the Garden to participate in the talent show. I thought my aim was pretty good, but. I guess. I guess not."

"After the talent show Marie's lynx pounced onto Agnes. I helped pull it off and gave it some of the jerky from my pocket. Then I went to the Train Room for the rest of the night."

I'd like to check out the Beehive, slowly so I don't make the bees mad, to see if anything's out of place or if something was thrown in here. Use the beekeeper outfit if I need to and put it back when I'm done.

And is anything out of place in the hair salon?

I'd like to check out the Beehive, slowly so I don't make the bees mad, to see if anything's out of place or if something was thrown in here. Use the beekeeper outfit if I need to and put it back when I'm done.

And is anything out of place in the hair salon?

Nothing seems out of place in the beehive.

You check the hair salon and nothing seems off about that either.

Tonight on Top Gear...

"⌇⏃⎅ ⏁⍜ ⌇⟒⟒ ⌇⎍☊⊑ ⏃ ⎅⏃⋏⎅⊬ ⎎⟒⌰⌰⍜⍙ ☌⍜."

An man appears on set...

The Stig gets his laps in...

And the Stig gets stung by a bee!

---

James May
Good evening, viewers. Clarkson, Hammond and I come to you today to present a new look at the Stig's latest adventure.

Richard Hammond
That's right, James May- as you may have heard, the Stig has been exposed as a deeply troubled and violent man. Now, to be fair, if they stuffed me in that helmet and made me sit in a car with James Corden for an hour, I'd come out mad too.

Jeremy Clarkson
Regardless, we couldn't have another... incident within our production team. So, the Stig has spent a night in what we can only assume is an experimental rehabilitative centre. One that... perhaps encourages the tendencies the Stig has been suppressing for many years.

James May
Now, there has been a reported murder on set, and as the legal guardians of the Stig, we have been compelled by the producers to provide accountable testimony for our little chap.

Jeremy Clarkson
With our own commentary, of course.

Richard Hammond
Right! Let's get on with it.

---

Jeremy Clarkson
First things first - gum. The driver's best friend. Once he left his lawsuit-magnet of a dorm room, the Stig headed off to the Convenience Store, buying the minty item. Unfortunately, the till clerk was a complete and utter twat, and refused to sell anything actually useful. A man with a TV for a head seemed to have a similar experience, and left for the Printing Press.

James May
Our understanding is that the Stig then became very hungry, and went straight to the KFC - a staple of any rehab centre. After some Carsick Elf ordered its food, the Stig stocked up on nuggets and wraps. It was at this moment that the Stig went through a momentary psychosis, and started filming itself attacking thin air. He claimed he saw a Golden Horse, but the man is clearly off his nutter. I say we leave him there.

Richard Hammond
Now, the camera did continue to record that KFC for the rest of the night. We've reviewed the footage, and we'll be passing it along to the investigating team in due course. We do want to take some time to edit out the Stig's face, though. If this leaks, we are not getting him back. Ever. Ever ever ever.

James May
At this point we believe that the Stig attempted to continue his traditional routine even while locked in rehab. He made for the clear pipe and began zooming up and down as if he were some perverted pipe racer. It doesn't help that one of the ends connected to an entire stomach.

Jeremy Clarkson
Nor that the other end connected to a perfectly good Decontamination Room - which he opted not to use. After a long and exhausting time in the pipe, he finally broke his pipe-speed record and went back to the KFC, before spending some time with the Cows in the wonderful Cow Grotto! The Manhattan Café walks through, heading from the Garden to the Salon, before Stig heads to the Garden to destress, passing by the TV man and another Horse. After some time, he just goes back to rest along with his new friends, Agnes and the Elf. After a rude interruption from the Clayface, he finally sleeps peacefully.

can i compare the body wounds to the shattered remains of the seal tube and idk a knife from the kfc or something

This post was last modified: Jul 19, 2025 at 11:20 PM by Phone Booth.

can i compare the body wounds to the shattered remains of the seal tube and idk a knife from the kfc or something

You ask the clerk for a knife to test with and he hands it over on the condition that you give it back. Then you compare it with the wound and find that it cuts thinner and cleaner than the wound on Space Dandy's neck. You give it back and the clerk frowns upon realizing that he's going to have to clean it really well before using it again to cook.

You also fish through the piss and pick up a piece of shattered seal tube glass. You try to recreate the neck wound and it looks pretty close in size and roughness.

What's this? It's time for... a LIGHTNING ROUND!

That's right, folks! We're gonna rattle off a big list! A LOT of stuff, we're checking! We're gonna finally that murder weapon - or we're gonna hit the credits trying!

Compare the following to Space Dandy's neck wound:

• Glass from the Seal Chamber (this got skipped?)
  
• A Cutlass from the Pirate Ship
  
• A Crystal from the Crystal Mine
  
• Gardening equipment from the Arboretum and/or Botany Lab
  
• Scissors from the hair salon
  

Gday Boys, it's me Ben Mendelsohn

- Wake up
- Head over to Draku's room. See Gold Ship licking honey in the beehive on the way, hear "AA" and "EE".
- G'day Draku mate
- You haven't been talking to the cops, have you mate?
- Heard "OO" in Draku's Room
- Head to the Store. G'day Villager mate. Nothing useful left.
- Head into the Breakroom. Find Spamton unconscious.
- Wrap the microwave up in an apron and slam it onto his head. Toss Spamton's body into the AA EE OO room. Not on fire yet.
- Head back to KFC.
- G'day there KFC mate.
- You haven't been talking to the cops, have you mate?
- Nah you wouldn't talk to the cops, would you mate
- Hear dying AA EE OO sounds in KFC.
- Head over to the movie hall and spend the rest of the night watching Animal Kingdom.
- It's a film about the animal kingdom. Lions, tigers and bears. They are all in the film.
- Ditch my apron at the Christmas tree.
- Ben Mendelsohn

Hi! You asked me about cops too, what was that about? Were you so dissatisfied with my response that you left me out?

What's this? It's time for... a LIGHTNING ROUND!

That's right, folks! We're gonna rattle off a big list! A LOT of stuff, we're checking! We're gonna finally that murder weapon - or we're gonna hit the credits trying!

Compare the following to Space Dandy's neck wound:

• Glass from the Seal Chamber (this got skipped?)

Very close

A Cutlass from the Pirate Ship

Not close

A Crystal from the Crystal Mine

Close

Gardening equipment from the Arboretum and/or Botany Lab

Not close

Scissors from the hair salon

Not close

Alright, wise guy - I see the game you're playing, but I can play it too! Provided it's got composite cable hookups, of course!

Let's REBUILD that seal thingamajig! Are we missing any glass pieces?

This post was last modified: Jul 19, 2025 at 11:39 PM by Phone Booth.

Alright, wise guy - I see the game you're playing, but I can play it too! Provided it's got composite cable hookups, of course!

Let's REBUILD that seal thingamajig! Are we missing any glass pieces?

You walk back into the piss filled room and get on your hands and knees and very carefully search for every piece of glass. You manage to find almost most of the glass and then notice that some pieces are embedded into Draku's gamer chair, which is piss soaked and in the corner of the room. These look like the final pieces of glass, everything is here.

While searching the room in detail you also notice a shadowy imprint of a figure on the southern wall.

Alright, wise guy - I see the game you're playing, but I can play it too! Provided it's got composite cable hookups, of course!

Let's REBUILD that seal thingamajig! Are we missing any glass pieces?

You walk back into the piss filled room and get on your hands and knees and very carefully search for every piece of glass. You manage to find almost most of the glass and then notice that some pieces are embedded into Draku's gamer chair, which is piss soaked and in the corner of the room. These look like the final pieces of glass, everything is here.

While searching the room in detail you also notice a shadowy imprint of a figure on the southern wall.

Let's check out the imprint. Does it look like it was burned in? Is it just an outline in the piss?

What about the gamer chair, anything off about it besides the glass and piss? Is it damaged like it was used to assault someone?