Alright alright, looks like Cuckaroony is still tryna be a nice boy.
"There's nothing I would want to do and risk the consequences, let's just say hello like we were told."
And that you do. The blacksmith turns to greet you with a smile on his face, a polite way to greet customers. He's certainly cut out for this line of work, but just by looking at him you get the feeling his personalty is something special. "Hey there, I'm the town blacksmith, SFan. The S stands for smithing and if you try to take it from me I'll beat you with a hammer." He guffaws at his own retort but you don't think he was joking. "So what brings you around here. Looking for some gear? I've got plenty but I have to warn you, I have a habit of leaving promises with others unfulfilled despite offering them in the first place. And I can only smith while my wife isn't nagging me at home. If you'd like to browse on your own I like to organize my items in tiers like a list, but I also never finished that so there might be some out of place!" He laughs some more but honestly, the more he talks the more you kinda want him to be quiet. Actually, you never did quite decide what you wanted did you? Guess you need to pick so you know what you're looking for. While you think on it you tell him who sent you here. "Oh them! Well I suppose I'll have to make sure I can get what you want then, any friend of theirs is a friend of mine." However you suspect if you ask for something too high quality he'd only give you a discount at best.
So what did you want?

Vote
React for "Weapons in both hands, swords, axes, whatever. I just need double the weapons for twice the fighting power."
React for "Well I haven't done a stealth archer build in a while (last time you played), so..."
React for "I'm actually feeling some latent magic in me after all of this nonsense. A good staff or wand should draw out the power in me!"
React for "Now that I think about it, I'm kinda forced into the tank role with this current party aren't I? Better focus on defense."

Bonus: More votes on an option will get you better equips. Don't forget about that wild card!

......yeah let's go for that spiked armor

"Now that I think about it, I'm kinda forced into the tank role with this current party aren't I? Better focus on defense."
Gave this one some extra time to milk the votes.
"Looking to be the sturdy one of the group? I can respect that, it takes a brave soul and a calm mind to stand steadfast in danger and make the choices to protect those who are more vulnerable." He monologues about how serious your choice is while you realize, you didn't think of any of this, you're just an idiot who wanted to lower your probability of dying. By the time he finishes you feel slightly ashamed but at least promise yourself to live up to a shred of his magnificent speech that I'm not typing out. "Alright, so let's get you fitted then." He guides you over to some shelves near his furnace and asks you to select what looks most appealing to you. (There's no vote for this but takes past decisions into account.)
By the time you're done brainstorming and he's done forging you're left with complete set. A carbonized steel helm for hampering electricity (it doesn't conduct well), a mithril breastplate (light to stay quick on your feet), leather padding sleeves and gloves covered with plates of Stainless steel for flexibility (and to keep your arms clean you slob), Stainless steel greaves (these also don't conduct electricity well btw), and finally some magic boots of the cat for running quickly and remaining nimble (you pussy). As for aesthetics the helmet is very simple, reminiscent of your mining days, the breastplate has some small spikes while the arm guards have larger spikes to allow elbow strikes, the greaves are of good make but nothing special, and the boots comfy and magical of course. To top it all off he has the finishing touch in his hand. The shield. There's a few of them actually, a buckler, a tower shield, a kite shield. He's got a good selection, but you can tell he's not going to hand you any of them yet.
"So to cover the favor I've given you armor free of charge. I even threw in a spare set of magic boots for your own sake. But giving you a weapon and a shield is actually quite a bit more costly. So to make up for this, I have a favor to ask. It involves putting your new equipment to good use but I can't say anything else about it just yet. Why? It involves some special treasure, and until I have your word you'll bring it back I cannot reveal where it is. What do you say?"

Vote
React for "No deal, I appreciate the armor and am grateful for your friends help, but I want to go my own way from this point on. Plus I still have my pickax."
React for "Sure, I'll do it, but you have to give me the shield before I leave. To make sure I make it back of course. I'll go with the Tower Shield. (Huge, Sturdy, Clunky).
React for "Sure, I'll do it, but you have to give me the shield before I leave. To make sure I make it back of course. I'll go with the Kite Shield. (Standard/Large, not as Sturdy as the Tower but still built well)."
React for "Sure, I'll do it, but you have to give me the shield before I leave. To make sure I make it back of course. I'll go with the Buckler Shield. (Small, Resistant to Impact, Easy to use)."

Partner Opinion's
E-Kyl: "I recommend googling those kinds of shields to see what they excel at and have difficulties with."
Desp: Looks at E-Kyl "What the fuck is googling?"

i think going for the middleground is safe, plus we can sled down on it or something if necessary

No ties allowed for this one, I'm willing to allow people to steal letters of your name, but dual wielding shields is insanity. I'll do a tiebreaker if it doesn't break itself.

This post was last modified: Apr 13, 2020 at 2:01 PM by Snufferin Snagglepuss.

"Sure, I'll do it, but you have to give me the shield before I leave. To make sure I make it back of course. I'll go with the Kite Shield. (Standard/Large, not as Sturdy as the Tower but still built well)."
"Sounds like a reasonable request." He hands you the Kite Shield, standard make. No fully equipped you're only lacking in the damage department with only a lousy Pickax. But that's where your friends come in. "So here's the deal. Deep inside a cave, cliche I know, there's a very special artifact I need you to retrieve me for me. I promise it's mine it just got down there because... someone took it from me and left it down there." He's clearly avoiding explaining clearly what happened but he doesn't seem to be lying. "It's quite deep and has some obstacles you'll have to get through." SFan continues. "It's not a mission of great glory, but I'll owe you one. Can't hurt to have the town's best Smithy owe you one, right? Plus you already took the shield so you gotta do it anyways."
Well it's no skin off your back. He shares details with you and it turns out the location is fairly close by, an easy walk so to speak. You'll make it there by dusk if you hurry. And with nothing left to do here there's no reason not to hurry. Cuckaroony and the gang depart from the city and hastily make their way to the cavern titled, M.O.D. Cave.
The sun is just going down when you arrive giving the gaping maw of earth a rather ominous look. Almost like a set of claws clutching out of the ground. The air emanating from the cave is dank, the bad kind, and foul. Honestly, for a first quest you expected something a bit easier. But a deal is a deal so you've got to head inside. The trio of you walk into the clutches of the earth claw. Descending down into the darkness E-Kyl bounces some electricity around himself to produce light, smart. It's a tiresome walk down but you finally make it to some level terrain and a rather large open cavern. There's nothing out of the ordinary except for something strangely shining from the light. Squinting you make out a humanoid form wearing... Briefs?
"What fools you must be to enter my domain! This cave is my lair, the lair of the great FLIGHTY SPRITEY THE WEARER OF TIGHTY WHITIES." He poses magnificently as if that title demands respect. But frankly, you can't take him seriously at all. Despite a few incredulous looks he continues. "My brother and I live in the forefront of this cave, but you will never see him for I am a successful and prestigious inventor of spells and machines! Any who attempt to pass me must deal with me first! But beware, if you fail I will turn you into my own inventions!" He crosses his arms to show how serious he is. Looks like you need a plan of approach, what will it be?

Vote

React for "This guys is a lunatic. It will probably be a civil service if we just take him out here and now. Square up and fight, damned what he has planned."
React for "Based on the looks of this guy he's got such minimal presence in the grand scheme of things that I bet if we just stand here and do nothing he'll eventually fade out of existence and we can pass by easily."
React for "This guy is a total nerd. And Nerds get weggies. Give that nerd a weggie."
React for "Listen buddy, I don't want any trouble. Let's just talk things through and see if we can come to an agreement. Maybe a test or challenge of sorts even?"

Partner Opinion's
E-Kyl: "Definitely the weggie."
Desp: "Ohoh, this guy is weggie material."

time to throw up our shield and give him a good ol' taunt while our comrades go for the double wedgie from behind

This post was last modified: Apr 14, 2020 at 2:40 PM by Snufferin Snagglepuss.

"This guy is a total nerd. And Nerds get weggies. Give that nerd a weggie."
All three of you are on the same page. An explosion of synergy and large text saying "Synchronization Check!" flashes across the cave confusing everyone. But once that's over the three of you lay down teamwork like never before. You run forward, goading him to do anything and raising your shield preemptively. The threat of a weggie scares him so he draws what looks to be some flashy projectile shooter and out zaps a laser beam. While your shield may not be able to handle lasers too well E-Kyl zips by, taking the laser in one arm then flowing it to his other like a wave of crackling energy and shooting it back out, zapping Mr. Whitey in the chest. He stumbles backwards and bumps into Desp, who snuck behind him while he was busy. Without wasting a moment Deps puts his chin on his shoulder and gives him a "Hey there bud." And gives the tighty whities a mighty pull. There's a yelp and Desp leaps back to avoid retaliation as Mr. Spritey swings behind him, clearly missing. But this panic attack has left him vulnerable yet again as E-Kyl runs forward and with a leap grabs the underwear and kicks off his back giving an even mightier tug. Perhaps the most unmanly sound you've ever heard comes out of Mr. Tighties mouth but he's still standing. That's one tough nerd. Now it's your turn.
Your opponent howls in rage and begins tossing machination after machination out of his many white pockets, causing explosions, zaps, blaring sounds, and even more. Using your quality shield you deflect any random reactions and spells that come your way. Before you reach him both Desp and E-Kyl grab an arm and pin him to the ground, halting his frenzy. Seeing your chance you get a running start and toss your shield down, jumping on it. With your momentum and the smooth rocky ground it's easy sailing as you gain speed up to your target. At the last moment you give a little hop like a skateboard kickflip and snag the rim of his undies with the tip of your shield. Time feels like it slows down as you slowly pull and pull and pull farther as your shield continues to attempt to sail forward. RIP The level of atomic that your wedgie achieved managed to not only tear the underwear in two, but leave a molten crater in his crotch region from sheer friction. There's no getting back up from that.
Yet despite the gruesome scene the three of you basically skip over to each other and slap some Ace's Highs and Lows, cheering at just how awesome giving that nerd a wedgie felt. The victory is not short lived either and you all continue to feel yourself up until the adrenaline wears off after about 5 minutes. "It's about time we continue down the cave." says E-Kyl, to which you all agree. There's only one path forward so no need for a choice there. Leading the group, since you have the shield, you enter the narrow passage way illuminated by E-Kyl's light right behind you. Steps echo lightly in your ears and the trek feels like it's dragging on. The fatigue is starting to get to you this passage is just that long. In fact, it's so long that the echo properties of this is making all your foot steps louder! Wait no, that's not how footsteps work. Abruptly you stop the party and listen closely. Silence hangs in the air, did they catch on to you idea? No, there it is again, a loud rhythmically rumbling. Something is approaching and it's doing so fast, but not from in front of you. It's a burrowing sound, but where is it coming from? Based on the volume it's going to be right upon you! Defend yourself!

Vote
React for "Shield's up! Whatever it is will have to get past me if it wants to start a fight! This narrow corridor should work to my advantage."
React for "Wait, it clearly knows we're here, that means it has a plan. It's probably going after the weakest link. Make a dive and cover for E-Kyl!"
React for "This sound is to throw us all off and keep our eyes straight. They know this is narrow and are going to squeeze us in as they attack us from behind, negating my defense up front! Quickly cover Desp!"
React "Do nothing and try to hone my senses. Focus on where the sound is coming from and react with as much speed as I can to adapt to whatever this thing is trying to do."

Partner Opinion's
E-Kyl: "The sounds are all around, is he trying to trick us?"
Desp: "I think I hear him behind us! Maybe?"

well it's clearly not from the front, i would assume an attack from the bottom due to burrowing actually but given the existing options i'm going to guess it isn't THAT scummy

so i'll just say cover the rear, though e-kyl would be an asset more worth protecting... hmmm

"This sound is to throw us all off and keep our eyes straight. They know this is narrow and are going to squeeze us in as they attack us from behind, negating my defense up front! Quickly cover Desp!"
Good Ol' Cucky pushes past Kyle in a hurry and dives for Desp, getting both of you down low and protected by your shield. Unsure where to be prepared for you keep moving your shield around attempting to locate the sound but ready to adjust your defense at a moments notice. Desp and yourself are well covered.
Unfortunately RNG- er I mean, it was already decided that E-Kyl was the intended target! Bursting from the rocky walls a blurred figure tackles straight into E-Kyl, winding him and knocking him into the other side. With him so heavily attacked the passageway loses a sufficient light source and it is suddenly hard to see! Good news is you can hear E-Kyl's struggles and head towards them, bad news you still can't tell who is who. Desp keeps a good distance, or at least you assume (because he's a pussy and also there's no footsteps following you), which leaves you trying to blindly interfere in the 2 person tussle. You end up grabbing questionable things, something silky, something like a small arm, something ELSE like a small arm, and a large arm too! You hear a voice that may or may not be E-Kyl say something like "knee chin" and wonder if it's E-Kyl asking for help. Hoping for the best you locate one of the sources of sounds and give it a rising knee. Hard to tell if it was effective in the dark though... There's no telling who's the attacker and which is E-Kyl until you feel something you know E-Kyl doesn't have. Claws. It's a bold move but you grip the claws tightly and yank away from the grapple hoping to free E-Kyl. Your good defense mitigates any retaliation as the figure, which you realize is now small, retaliates against your armor. You can hear E-Kyl catching his breath and give you his thanks as he begins to collect himself. With a little bit of waiting and keeping your foe under control E-Kyl eventually has the lights back on.
Looking at E-Kyl you notice he's rather torn up but looks mostly unharmed aside from a large welting bruise on his chin. Crazy how that happened, grapples are scary. Looking to your captive you can now tell they are... a small girl? She looks like a child aside from the long and broad claws the has on her stubby hands. They don't look like killing claws though, these claws seem built for digging. The only other notable part about this child is their eyes, which are squinting and trying to turn away from the light source. Could she be sensitive to light?
"Onii-chaaaaaaaaaan, turn it ooooooooooff!" she wails as she struggles against your grip. It's really no wonder why they can't escape your grip now that you see what it is you're up against. But what the FUCK did it just say? You don't have the Drak levels needed to understand what it wants except for the lights to go out. Fat chance. E-Kyl looks at you and you give him a nod to keep it up and don't dim the light at all. She continues to wail and beg so you turn her around and put yourself between her and the light. "Listen kid, you attacked my friend and I've got not clue what's going on, so you better give us some answers. Or I'll have.. um... your onii-chan(?) make it even brighter in here." You turn to look at E-Kyl to assure yourself that this was the correct title to use. However he responds with a neck cutting hand signal motion meaning 'cut it out, that's not right.' You clear your throat.
Through sobs the figure starts to choke out some words, "I'm... hic, sob... I'm Imoulto... I've been... been... been in these caves for so loooooooooooong!" She continues her crying and you shake her a bit to get her attention back. "I'm I'm I'm sooooooooooorry! I didn't mean to hurt anyone! I just wanted the liiiiiiiiiights goooooooone!"
Well, true E-Kyl is largely unharmed. Just that huge bruise on his chin that came out of no where. Maybe she's telling the truth and you're just encroaching on her home? You try asking if there's anyone else with her or around here but she only continues to cry and sniffle out "I'm alone."
Well now you kinda feel a little bad? What do you do with this runt?

Vote
React for "Well, I mean. I don't think we can just dump off a kid in a cave like this, mole or not. Tentatively add her to the party for now maybe?"
React for "Yeah, cool sob story kid, but we're kind of busy on an adventure. I'll tell you what, you go really fast in the opposite direction we go and it'll get dark real soon. Then it's not our problem anymore."
React for "I do honestly feel bad, there's got to be something we can do to console her. Offer to help her out and get her happy again... Whatever that might be? I'm sure we can get back to the quest quickly..."
React for "Listen kid, how about this. You can stick with your oniE-Kyl and help guide us through here, we'll keep the lights out while you do so. Then at the end we can discuss things with better control on our emotions."

Partner Opinion's
Desp: "Dude, E-Kyl, what's with that huge bruise you have! It's swelling up really fast!"
E-Kyl: "I don't know, I could have sworn she tackled me in the chest..."

we have obtained a NEW PARTY MEMBER

>requisite loli

to the bench she goes

im just stopping in to let you guys know that the correct course of action is to tell this pipsqueak to fuck off. thanks, and have a great rest of your day

"Well, I mean. I don't think we can just dump off a kid in a cave like this, mole or not. Tentatively add her to the party for now maybe?"
Your two companions give small nods to signify that they are okay with this, leaving it open for discussion later. The munchkin seems to quiet down and give a small nod of understanding but she's still got the sniffles. So now, how are we going to handle this...
Through all of the crazy bullshit you've been through an idea so wild that no other person could come up with strikes you.
Taking off your belt you pray your pants won't fall down (they've got greaves to hold them up anyways) and set your shield down. Placing Imoulto on it like you're about to do her diaper you then wrap her onto the shield with the belt, head peeking over and claws sticking out. This way, since you lead the group, she won't be looking into the dark and can guide you. Not to mention it now gives your shield a claw attack and prevents you from having to worry about a toddler keeping up. Desp, who is a certified maniac, gives a nod of approval which may or may not be a sign for caution. However, ready to continue your now trio of comrades continue forward.
The time down the path is slightly arduous but with enough time you finish traversing it. Imoulto did well and kept quiet, seemingly enjoying the free ride and certainly more comfortable with the light levels from you blocking E-Kly's illumination. Scanning the new area you entered E-Kyl takes one side with Desp and you take the other with Imoulto. There doesn't seem to be anything over here so you turn to gather the party only to notice E-Kyl's light is gone! Your eyes have adjusted alongside Imoulto's so you can partially see, but all there is is empty space. Panicking you look around and whisper to Imoulto to find your friends. She quietly moves her head around and whispers back in a hushed voice (for someone looking so young she's come to understand the situation really fast!) "I see them but... They're stuck to the ceiling!" That can't be right, you mildly threaten Imoulto to stop messing around but she confidently stands her ground and tells you to step back and look up. Sighing to yourself you do as she asks, stepping back and looking up. You don't see your friends, but you do see a LARGE hulking shape, slowly descending where you were just standing. It silently lands and you only here skittering as it moves it's feet around, turning to face you. This is one big arachnid.
"Sup." It starts the conversation with. "I'm Spidude. I like making really stupid plans that are needlessly complicated but then succeeding with simple strategies in the end. That's why your friends got caught in my web and not my Rube Goldberg Device." One of his many legs points to the side behind him and you see some abomination of shapes. Some sort of amalgamation of devices and parts. "So yeah, I'm gonna kill them. I'll probably kill you too. But I won't say how. And I won't tell anyone anything. Good luck trying me in court."
Fuck court, it's time to take this chump to the court house of vigilante justice! It's time to save your friends one way or another.

Vote
React "Convince him to let me activate his Rube device. He'll think I'm giving up to be trapped, but really it's so complex that it will fail spectacularly so much that it will actually succeed... in trapping him that is!"
React for "What a coincidence, they're stuck in sticky threads and I have a shield with (digging) claws at the ready! Let's see how well our teamwork really is!" *Go for your friends immediately*.
React for "No one messes with my friends like that and gets away from me. Time to give you the Cuck... To lay the Cucky.... Fuck it, I'm beating you up." *Fight Spidude immediately*
React (Quietly) "Listen Imoulto, I'm going to release you and you'll dig up to our friends. Cut them loose and get them down while I distract Spidude. I can handle myself(?). *Set Loose Imoulto and Raise Defenses.*

operation sneak squad

(Quietly) "Listen Imoulto, I'm going to release you and you'll dig up to our friends. Cut them loose and get them down while I distract Spidude. I can handle myself(?). *Set Loose Imoulto and Raise Defenses.*
The little munchkin is let loose and burrows into the ground quite quickly. Even if Spidude noticed there isn't really anything he could do to stop them. Which leaves just you and the hefty spider. Despite sounding a bit like a joke he clearly means business and starts his assault on you in an attempt to penetrate your defenses. Each appendage of his carries a serious amount of force behind it and you find yourself having to deflect his blows instead of blocking them. Some scrape by and hit your armor but overall you're managing to sustain no damage. Refusing to go on the offensive you keep weathering his blows and maneuvering around to avoid getting cornered, but you're tiring out and he isn't. To add more fuel to the fire, you're so preoccupied on defense that you can't check the progress on Imoulto.
You last as long as you can but it seems some RNG god in the sky has chosen the fate the results in you losing and called it coincidence as a strong thread wraps itself around your waist. "I've got you now. Not quick enough to dodge forever." Unable to move you chance a look to your friends and can see a third shape there, with large hands. You likely need just one more trick to pull out of your sleeve to get through this.

Vote
React *Struggle as hard as I can and make surrendering the last thing I do. If he's going to try and incapacitate me he'll need to try harder.*
React for "Maybe if I try to use a lot of power in the magic boots I have I can suddenly pull hard enough to throw him off balance and buy time for a counter attack?"
React for "Well he's fully preoccupied with me and has no chance to react to Imoulto if I have her drop down and attack. That'll be one good sneak attack."
React for "Quickly run over to his contraption and find something to get this tether off me. So long as I'm not tied down I can buy enough time."

this """rng""" guy really dislikes us huh!

This post was last modified: Apr 26, 2020 at 4:18 PM by Snufferin Snagglepuss.

"Quickly run over to his contraption and find something to get this tether off me. So long as I'm not tied down I can buy enough time."
What a wonderfully quirky idea! Despite this rng not going your way I support the choice for more rng. But, uh, did you forget that you couldn't move well? How are you just going to run over there? Alright fine I'll cut you a deal. I saw the other vote for magic boots winning at one point so let's do a little cross play.
Using your magic boots you make a deft and powerful leap in the direction of his strange contraption. With the help from these comfy foot steppers you indeed make the distance as Spidude spins around to keep you tethered. Without a moment to lose you scan over the parts of this device for anything to cut you loose. Just when you think it was a waste of time you spot one of those rulers that had a metal edge for no good reason. Well it'll have to do. Using the metal edge you manage to jank yourself loose on a technicality. But hark, behind you are the sounds of the contraption setting into motion since you triggered it somewhere in the middle of it. There's no knowing what will happen next.
Both you and Spidude look on in horror as the device can no longer be stopped. Too many moving parts to consider, stop it once place it continues another. Unsure of what to do you both are standing shocked until a rolling marble hits the play button on a walkman and suddenly Giorno's theme starts playing. The two of you lock eyes. "It's a good song." Spidude says. You nod your head in agreement. Perhaps this is the perfect setting for a now epic fight? Your friends are dropping down safely so you've certainly got the edge here. Everyone stances up and gets ready for the piano to take over when a loud bang blows open a hole in the wall, wait that's a door, and light streams in. The sudden flash blinds everyone and Imoulto hides in the darkness of underground. Squinting you can only make out the silhouettes of a group of people.
"Stop right there Spidude!" some male voice shouts, "The majority is on you this time. You've got to own up!" Caught off guard Spidude begins to stutter, "What? But there's only 1 minute left, couldn't you have given me more of a warning? I'm fucked!" Which starts a cacophony of shouting and agreeing/disagreeing. People shouting one, thing and then someone else another. Everything they say makes no sense in both context and logic. Did you miss some sort of memo for the gag here?
"Times up!" yells someone from above. Everyone's heads turn up and see something large and dark falling from above but no one can react before an extremely large shoe lands on and flattens Spidude. Out of the shoe pops some monochrome animal with sharp teeth guffawing at Spidudes demise. "Well it looks like you got this one. He did indeed murder E-Kyl!" Wait what? You panic and look to E-Kyl but... he's fine? Uh. "Oh wait, I ready that wrong, it says Finger Boy!" What the fuck... He did that on purpose. He had to have. Still laughing he ushers the group that busted in out the door and begins talking about murders and blacks. Then it's all quiet.

Vote
React for "Uhhhh... Ok?"
React for "Hmmm... Well..."
React for "... What in the..."
React for "Uh huh.... Then..."

Partner Opinion's
E-Kyl: "I'm not sure what just happened."
Desp: "I like it."
Imoulto: "Help, I'm stuck!"
Giorno's Theme: "GioGio!.... GOLDEN WIIIND!"

...ok

"Uhhhh... Ok?"
But there gas this tie ig the vogg too. Whag gm I gggng to gg abogg thag?
G

gggggg ggg ggggggg. gggggg. Ggggggg ggggggg, gggggggggggggggggggg ggggggg.
gggg gggggggg gg g gggg.
ggggggg. ggggggg. ggggggg gggggg GGGGGggg...
gggg, gggg gg ggggggg g.

[b]G[b]
g
G
g?
Wake up from this cursed timeline.