"Shoot! SHOOT SHOOT, I'm late!! Uh. HI EVERYONE MY NAME IS RUBY NICE TO MEET YOU ALL!!"

Aggressively shake hands with everyone here.

I think i'd prefer a room that isn't down in the dark, at least judging from this map. History or Survey, please.

Stick me in the History bunk, I don't give a shit.

This post was last modified: Dec 12, 2023 at 12:21 AM by Chibi Ruby Rose.

Oh, right, room. Stick me with someone else because I'm about to become everyone's problem.

dorm ranking:
1. Survey Team
2. Research Team
3. History Team
I will not elaborate on this rankihg

Uhhhhh... I'll take Research as my first choice, then history. The Research dorm is right next to a Leisure center so I'm sure there's video games there

This building is fickle. Paltry, even. I wouldn't host a conference here under any circumstance. I cannot project my image of success here without the comfort of brutalist architecture. But, winners adapt. Therefore, I will, too.

...Spooks.

Your marketability is endless, but you lack initiative. We must assess your worth; only then can we trust you with trade secrets.



I must be clear with you. My reputation precedes me, much to my detriment. Thieves seeking the key to my geniusness may be closing in on our location as we speak. While my empire is too big to fail, my success is not dependent on my life. Are we safe here?

To that end, we should examine the gates to ensure our own security.

Put me in the History Dorms, chief.

Hey. Sorry, I'm late. Couldn't find my clip-on tie.

They brought me on to be a part of the research team, so save me a spot in the dorm.

You're... Spooks, right? There's a library in this building. I need to find a copy of one of my books; The Sudden Stop, maybe, or Departure. I'm going to go look in the Library

You enter the Library, in search of your beloved novels. As you walk around the shelves, you notice a lot of non-fiction. Mostly a lot of dry, religious books, but a couple books on demonology and other subjects that draw your interest as a mystery writer. You turn a corner, hoping to find something towards the back, when suddenly, you smack into someone.

music: Show

Hey, do you mind watching where you're going? I'm trying to...



Hello Astrid! I am being helpful! I am already considered a beloved mascot! The people love me!

Oh... Hey Spooks.

Wait. You're part of the Investigation Team, aren't you? Yeah... that would explain the noise.

Sorry, I've been... Preoccupied. Trying to find something. Haven't had much luck. Maybe I should have looked where I was going. Dunno.

I see you've already met the "cat", yeah? Don't mind him too much. He's kind of cute, but he's a couple code strings short of a functional program, if you know what I mean.



Anyway, like he said, my name's Astrid. Just Astrid. Names have power, so I'll stick to just one, thanks.

I'm the Folklore Expert here at the Bureau.





Huh. There's more of you guys than I expected.

Oh well. Not my job to do a headcount. Not my cows, not my pasture, if you catch my drift. Well, welcome to the Bureau, for what it's worth. Might look like one big, scary haunted house, but... I've lived here a long time. You get used to it. I think it's kind of cozy... actually. Something about the atmosphere. Feels magical, in a certain way. I guess it literally is though, isn't it?

There's only a few of us left here, since the evacuation, for better or worse. I don't really think it's anything urgent though. We've just had a couple problems. Power failures, a couple minor breaches... I don't know. I spend a lot of my time either lost in this library, or out at the Observatory, watching the stars.

Whatever your average researcher's been getting up to with their containment cells and their BPI-whatever numbers, I don't really care.



Anomalies are our last connection to the past after all, a world of myths and magic and discovery. Now what do we have, now that research is slowly stripping that away into categories too?



Spooks! The Magical Cat™



Okay, whatever, besides you, Spooks. You're a fan favorite, we know.



...Well, good luck with your tour. There's more of us kicking around, but I'd think twice before you listened to some of them. We've got some real pieces of work on staff, between you and me.

If you ever need to ditch the cat, let me know. I've learned how to lose him over the years. I'd be happy to tell you a thing or two about this place too. Beats standing around in this Library while I wait for it to get dark.

Oh, and... you're Alan Wake right, the writer? You're no Marenghi, but it's nice to meet you. Heh heh.

Wow, Astrid! Your coat is so starry! It is almost as sparkly as my eyes! See? They get more stars if you compliment me! Does your coat do the same?

We should get to know each other more! I like folklore, folklore is so fun! Have you heard the stories about haunted video games before? What do you think of them? I think I like your hair color, Astrid! I feel like I'm getting to know you so well! Ah Ha!

Ooh, the historical society! So much to explore; the library, the Whisper Valley archives...

...Ah. I see. Both of those have already been checked. In that case, I'll take a moment out on the Patio.

Oh, so this is what the place is like. Ain't bad. Gal could dig a little nest here.

Lemme see that Black Forest. The Schwarzwald. Dunno why I know that name.

Or why it makes me wanna dab.

Also sign me up for that Survey Team. Good vibes. I like good vibes.

You both head out to the Patio. Niles takes a moment to examine the Patio itself, noting that it appears to be a medium-sized patio made out of metal and glass. It isn't really anything particularly interesting, but it has a nice view of the woods, you suppose, as well as some sitting room.

He looks over his shoulder to notice Momoyo headed towards the Black Forest. Spooks quickly leaps in front of him, blocking the way.



Please refrain from entering the Black Forest without proper supervision, experience, and credentials! The Black Forest is a high-risk area, containing multiple Anomalies and there is a 67.899% chance that you will get lost without any prior knowledge of the location!



...He's got a point. Walking into there is like walking into a hedge maze, except designed by a crazy person. Black Forest's an old urban legend from around these parts, before there stopped being much of an urban population to spread it. You go in, you don't come out. You can take your chances, but do it on your own time so I'm not standing out for a decade waiting for you.

(So this is where we get to work! It's so much bigger than the offices in those videos! So... where should we start...?)



(They're all so smart that they're already examining the libraries and labs... But we... we wouldn't even know the first place to begin...)

(So? We follow them and act like we know what we're doing! They'll be so impressed!) (But what if we get caught in the act? Get asked to read a book and we're done for!) (Yeah! And we need to know where to bring the fresh brew!)

(Right! They want coffee and vodka at... meetings! That's it! I'll go investigate the Meeting Room so I know where to bring it!)

You head into the Meeting Room. Inside is a long table, with a couple chairs seated around it. There are some pens in here, and a whiteboard against the wall. A projector is hooked up to a laptop, but the laptop appears to be password-locked, to your dismay. There's a couple documents, but you don't really feel like reading them in-depth right now. Lots of diagrams...

Oooh, I wonder what's on the VHS... Gonna try to get into the display and get it out

You attempt to wrench open the glass case holding onto the VHS player. It seems like this Bureau doesn't consider this one very dangerous, because the display opens with little effort. You reach in to grab it, but Spooks protests, gently swatting your hand out of the way.



Please refrain from touching the Anomalies during this tour! Safety first!

Shake hands with Astrid

"Hiya, I'm Ruby! Nice to meet you!!"

This post was last modified: Dec 12, 2023 at 2:49 AM by Dodo.

As the noise inside the facility swells with the skittering antics of his fellow new arrivals, Dodo finds himself pondering the words of the feline automaton. This "magical cat"... Why would a facility dedicated to the pursuit of science and knowledge potentially sully its repute by branding itself with the descriptor of "magical"? A term that is most commonly associated with the maddened ramblings of minds too small to comprehend the true scientific principles that lie behind the paranormal events their faculties are insufficient to process. Is this adherence to depreciated beliefs of cave-dwelling, leech-slinging simpletons, this dichotomy of reason and madness, not inherently foolhardy? Truly a question to be pondered.

However, as he lacks the means to process and vocalize these musings properly, Dodo resigns himself to instead walk up to the cat robot and peck its screen, trying to get the two big yellow kernels of corn trapped inside.

"Shoot! SHOOT SHOOT, I'm late!! Uh. HI EVERYONE MY NAME IS RUBY NICE TO MEET YOU ALL!!"

Aggressively shake hands with everyone here.

This human is neither food, nor a threat.

Assessment: Irrelevant

I would prefer my dorms in the following order. 1. History, 2. Survey, 3. Research

Also I would like to examine the Boathouse

Even with access cards, you still can't trust us the Forest, huh? Christ, if I was being treated more like a toddler, I would have a coloring book thrown in my face....What about if a group were to go into those woods? Would we have less of a chance of turning into fertilizer if we did a fucking buddy system?

This post was last modified: Dec 12, 2023 at 3:14 AM by Spooks?.

You know, my wife was all into that SCP stuff, real spooky. But me? I don't know the first thing about 'em. Can I get a real good look at 2218, 2610, 3999, 3143, and 4211? I know those last two are yella, Spooks, but I'm a careful guy, don't worry about me.

There are a few displays scattered around the hall, one of which seems to contain a vintage smoking pipe and is equipped with signage indicating that it is Anomalous.

Interesting. I'd like to examine the signage in more detail, trying to figure out what exactly is anomalous about the pipe. Ceci n'est pas une pipe?

From there I also want to stick my head into the small room with the other Anomaly, watching my back for danger, and then head to the Upper Landing. Maybe I'll head downtown next, provided the elevator is working.

edit: Oh yeah dorms. My order of preference is 1. Survey, 2. History, 3. Research please and thank you.

Columbo and Lita decide to go examine the Anomalies on the floor, starting with BPI-2218, displayed out in the Museum Hall.

You look closely at the pipe and its signage. The pipe itself appears to be an unremarkable vintage smoking pipe, with some remnants of a herb inside, perhaps enough for one smoking session. The signage, much like the signs in the Anomaly Hall, appears to actually be a flat screen, with the following info:

Code:

BPI-2218 [Pipe of Deduction]
[ACCESS LEVEL: III]
[THREAT LEVEL: BLUE]

[DATABASE UNAVAILABLE]

While Lita examines the pipe, Columbo leaves, having had his fill of information. As Lita's still around, and he doesn't really want to make a scene, he heads over to the other side of the facility to examine the higher-risk Anomalies, at least as closely as he can, beginning with 4211.

Code:

BPI-4211 [Wino’s Delight]
[ACCESS LEVEL: III]
[THREAT LEVEL: YELLOW]
[DATABASE UNAVAILABLE]

This one, similar to the "Bottomless Beer Bottle" from earlier, looks like a regular bottle of red wine, albeit with a less... flavorful label. The brand appears to be "Black Cellar", which doesn't seem to be a name that stands out as particularly unique to you. You're sure it probably WOULD delight a wino, on account of being wine. You move onto 3143.

Code:

BPI-3143 [OCGA Salvaged Items]
[ACCESS LEVEL: III]
[THREAT LEVEL: YELLOW]

[DATABASE UNAVAILABLE]

The display appears to contain three items - an electric kettle, some kind of salt shaker, and a plain metal grilling spatula. Once again, not entirely sure what's supposed to be Anomalous about these, at least at first glance.

You head back to the Museum Hall, and approach BPI-2610 at long last, relatively speaking. Lita joins you as you move to the last door.

The door is bigger than some of the others you've encountered so far. The icon is blue, but...



Oh hey, you're checking out this one. Cool.

You know, when you think of an Anomaly, you probably think of like, some kind of weird item like over in the other hallway, or maybe some kind of monster, right? Well, that's not always the case, actually.

Here, this one's safe enough to open, and the cat's not looking:





BPI-2610 - [Stairway to Heaven]. Pretty cool, right?

...It doesn't actually go anywhere, mind you. It's totally harmless.

Run up, you end up back at the start. Jump off, and same deal. One nutjob even tried sliding up the stairs backwards on his ass, and all he got out of it was a broken tailbone. Still, some Anomalies are entire rooms, impossible spaces that shouldn't even exist. Don't ask me how they manage to contain these things though, let alone transport them.

Tinkaton is excitedly pointing at the history team dorms. It seems that's what she wants, but she'd probably be fine if she ends up in the survey dooms instead. The thought of this creature living in the basement is absolutely horrifying, so perhaps it's best to avoid that if possible.

With her dorm preferences known, Tinkaton goes back to the tour, but a mischievous grin forms on her face when she sees the two birds in the group. Let's try to make sure she doesn't get too close to them. Please.

Real interesting stuff, this place.
Hey, by the way, does anyone have the keys to the Classified Files? Not that I'm going to poke around too much, mind you, what with them being classified and all, but I'm just curious about 'im.
Should probably check out the Security Office and the Liturgical Study with those keys too. Just being thorough.

Speaking of the Security Room what sort of cameras does it have? If they have enough, act like I'm playing Five Nights at Freddy's. It's a low hanging fruit, but that would still be funny right