This post was last modified: Feb 9, 2024 at 9:29 PM by
Revy.
Oh, unfuckingbelievable. You know I haven't actually touched any of you walking piles of sludge, right? I've only made no more than 7 death threats, tops, and I haven't even fired a single bullet to defend myself, let alone for entertainment. All of this kindness I'm handing out like Saint Nick, and the only thing I ask for in return is to be able to slosh myself to kingdom come after a hard day's work....and you couldn't even let me have that. Remind me to tell Lyra to cover the Morgue floor in tarps. It's about to get full
real damn soon.
God, and I can't even use a hangover to get out of doing another night report....fine, so first, I had some errands to run. On the second night, Lyra, in all of her empty bravado, said she was constantly shaking in her boots walking around without a way to provide for herself, if you catch my drift, so she called upon me to bring her some heat. Whether or not she was even able to grab some herself, I don't remember, but the more bullets flying through the air, the merrier. I set out to the Orange Zone, coming across the Barbie girl and her little avian leather daddy in the Control Department on my way. After I picked out a gun that seemed like just her style in the Armory, I brought her her little toy in the Lab Passage as she practically squealed with joy. Ah, I remember getting my first shooter like it was yesterday....that was one hell of a sweet sixteen.
I did feel like asking her what exactly about these games got her rocks off, and she replied with the kind of inane mumbo jumbo that just.....Christ, does her naivety make me want to vomit. But I digress.
I was always thinking of those forbidden woods as the perfect smoke spot, but I knew that Spooks would get up in my business if I put even a pinky toe in there by myself. How convenient for me that the burnt out novelist was arranging a ragtag expedition, then. I went all the way up to the Patio to join him, and the only other person who bothered to show was that Lily girl. If it was a small company, I could kiss my hopes of sneaking away to light up goodbye, so I had no choice but to follow along on his cheesy fucking nature hike. For ages we trotted along, Lily waving around some useless metal detector, until we came to this large clearing with a lantern sitting on a stump. What came next....Jesus, maybe I
was high. This tall, thin-as-a-toothpick creature came out and picked up the lantern. Then, it turned and started walking towards us....ugh, face of a crackhead. Alan simply wailed like a bitch and turned tail, but I was made of stronger stuff than that. But this....thing....it was as if it wasn't made of anything at all. I fired at it (yeah, yeah, I had a pair of guns since Night 1, don't get your pantaloons in a bunch), and they just...phased through him. I was shooting at a fog, for all the good it did. This place....Balalaika, where the hell did you send me to?
Whatever it was, this one moment, it was beyond my paygrade. I ditched. It wasn't following me, apparently, but it wasn't long before it sprung up on me again....ha, just fucking with you, it was only some bear this time. Cakewalk. I fired a few shots to get it back to its cubs, and after a while I found myself back in the Arboretum. No point in coming back, that's for fuckin' sure. Winding down would have done me some good, so I headed down to the Lounge to revel in the good hentai shit Konata promised....except it wasn't smut at all. There she was, with Lita and the dog, watching some kind of algebraic garbage called Death Note. I tried to give a shot, sure, but soon enough, I was bored out of my skull. That Light guy, though, why did his voice...ring a bell? Remind me to ask Rock if he did voice acting before he sold his soul to the business world. Speaking of shot, I went ahead to pour some for my contest, was definitely going to be more entertaining than that tripe. Dexter came in at this point, but he was all stiff and jerky, made me wonder how I even got down bad for him in the first place. Suddenly, I heard a massive explosion, probably what did the rock eater in, at which point the walking toucan with the helmet. W-why did no one tell me he would be that big? Seriously, you could fit an entire Konata in there.
The space girl, the hustler, and that TV detective Columbia all come in around the same time and fuck around for a bit before leaving shortly after. I waited around for a bit, and it looked as if my opponent was going to be....the high schooler. For fuck's sake. Almost sacrificing yourself for some magical seal thing was one thing, but becoming an alcoholic at the ripe age of sixteen was a whole new ballpark of concerning. But she insisted, so the show had to go on, with Nancy and the gremlin with the hammer watching. Konata didn't even last six shots before she collapsed onto the floor. Beating a little kid in a drinking contest....where's the fucking honor in that? Of all the screw-ups you could turn into, Konata, why do you want to be me? Shit.
Anyway.....The hustler came in at this point to replace the anime DVD with some chicken cartoon movie. The temporary ghost girl came in, with the discount Playboy bunny Nashu following, while Konata stumbled out of the room....whatever, here's hoping she felt like trash in the morning. Dexter challenging me to a round
barely lifted my spirits. I took a swig of the beer bottle suddenly in front of me, and just my damn luck, it was vinegar. Tinkaton decides that me spitting out my drink made Dex the winner, but her pouring beer over his head revealed him to be some bedsheet imposter. The real actually hot Dex came in, decked his copycat in the face, and pulled the sheet away, with the fake Dex turning out to be that Ciel chick. Whatever. I was numb. After he sat down with Nashu, I decided it was time to bail. The shuttle wouldn't come over to Station 1 no matter how hard I tried, so of course, I had to walk. Eventually, I came across the wrecked shuttle, with Momoyo lying mangled on the tracks, no part of her intact. Just another corpse. By the time I got on the platform on the other side, I noticed the mini red rider burnt like a marshmellow following me. Who knows, maybe I was the last one to see her alive before her sorry silent ass got skewered. Finally, I went back up the elevator and into my room.
Throw your fucking concern away, this wasn't anything but another "this is your life" night. I'm sure I'll be all gung-ho for death and destruction by tonight. Count on it.