#61
Draku
g
[Image: s2n7oi.png]
#62
Snufferin Snagglepuss
g g
g G
g g?

Gggggg gggggggg gg gggggggggggggggg, Gggggggggggg gggg ggggggggggggg.

[Image: 1200px-LetterG.svg.png]

You hear faint voices in your mind.

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It feels like a terrible dream.

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It's all G in here.

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[g]Vote[/g]
React Empty for "Struggle... must... must wake up..."
React g for "Sink deeper into the nightmarescape."
#63
Snufferin Snagglepuss
"Struggle... must... must wake up..."
You toss and turn like you're in a bad sleep. Like a night terror that's invading your deep psyche. G keeps spreading through your thoughts. Stop. Go away! You try to run but you can't get away. It keeps following you, always behind you no matter where you look. You continue to struggle, but it feels fruitless. Until a gentle voice reaches out to you.
"It's ok son. It's a hard belief."
Who, what where? You look around and see a faint image that slowly solidifies.
"Not everyone can handle the G. It's time to wake up son."
[Image: latest?cb=20180812160347]

"I think he's waking up. Good work Imoulto."
You feel your sense of touch returning to you as the cold hard ground rests beneath your back. You limbs ache and you're covered in sweat. It feels like you just sprinted a marathon and got all the backlash at once. It's not particularly painful though, just like an intense ache and fatigue sweeping through you. Almost like your body just about shut down. You try to squeak out some words but you can't control your more fine muscles quite yet, which includes around your jaw. However it looks like E-Kyle notices you trying to speak up and guesses at what you are asking. "When that spidude got squished it also popped his venom gland which seems to have splashed on you. I'm not doctor but it looks like it's some sort of paralysis that causes the body to slowly shut down, judging by how pale you were getting." His explanation makes sense but that certainly sounds like an awful fate to just go out like that.
Your eyes turn to the smaller shape of Imoulto. E-Kyl as perceptive as ever notices it and speaks up once more. "Ah, well Desp and I had no idea what to do. I suggested electrical shock therapy (worst case scenario I try to defibrilate you) and Desp wanted to do some blood letting." Fucking Psychos. "But it turns out that Imoulto here isn't only useful for digging, but she's quite knowledgeable about her botany. You're lucky we found and synthesized the antidote so quick." You try to smile and show some appreciation but it feels like it comes out crooked. Nonetheless E-Kyl breathes a sigh of relief, Desp breathes a sigh of disappointement (and puts his bloodletting tools away), and Imoulto just sits down with a large exhale. Looks like you need some time to recover and thankfully you cleared out this room.

Vote
React Yaranaika for "Send someone to scout ahead. That psycho Desp can go with E-Kyl and the night vision Imoulto will watch over me."
React Quite for "Send someone to scout ahead. That psycho Desp can go with Imoulto and the light providing E-Kyl will watch over me."
React Sleeping for "Let's just takes this rest, we need it. We have enough people to cycle a watch anyways.

Don't forget about that Wild Card you still have.
"Let's play our lives away!"
#64
Draku
let's take a breather, we just fought two bosses
[Image: s2n7oi.png]
#65
Snufferin Snagglepuss
"Send someone to scout ahead. That psycho Desp can go with Imoulto and the light providing E-Kyl will watch over me."
For whatever reason you send the sick fuck with the small and vulnerable child while leaving the person who was going to give you electric therapy in charge of your recovery. As The scouting duo walk away you can do naught but lay there and watch while you wonder if you made the right team composition. Meanwhile E-Kyl sits besides you, illuminating the room and it's array of contents. Currently, you are too injured to do anything but let time pass, so you take your rest.

When you awake, E-Kyl is looking tired himself, having spent the whole vigil over you and no chance to rest himself. Imoulto and Desp are not back yet. You're a bit groggy and sore but you've regained mobility. What's the first course of action?

Vote Terror for "Explore the room and look for anything useful. Basically loot the spider, but not the literal spider because that's poison."
Vote Shrug for "Wait a bit longer for the others to return. E-Kyl looks like he could use a recharge anyways."
Vote Wacko for "Head out now and follow behind them. We can regroup when we catch up.
Vote badpost for "Let's quicksave our progress and return to this garrison in the future. I'd like to play some other games (garrisons) for now."
"Let's play our lives away!"
#66
Draku
e-kyl needs his recharge m8s
[Image: s2n7oi.png]
#67
Snufferin Snagglepuss
"Wait a bit longer for the others to return. E-Kyl looks like he could use a recharge anyways."
Honestly, you wouldn't mind resting a little more yourself too. You let E-Kyl know that he should take a break and he gives a grateful nod. Finding himself a comfy spot you keep your own vigil over him so he can get some rest. There's not much to do as you watch him, so you relax and do some stretches, getting your muscles in good condition.

By the time he wakes up the both of you are feeling much better. Nothing else much happens though and the other two don't return. The rest was well worth it however and you're ready to tackle the day.

Vote
Vote Terror for "Explore the room and look for anything useful. Basically loot the spider, but not the literal spider because that's poison."
Vote Wacko for "Head out now and follow behind them. We can regroup when we catch up.
Vote Blank for "This rest has left me too bored, let's hurry down the next passage and get some action!"
Vote Seriously? for "Send E-Kyl up ahead to scout for the others while you deal with other business in the room like loot. He can take care of himself probably."
"Let's play our lives away!"
#68
Draku
let us collect our lootenings before going after our party, because there may be important things we'll never be able to get again
[Image: s2n7oi.png]
#69
Snufferin Snagglepuss
"Explore the room and look for anything useful. Basically loot the spider, but not the literal spider because that's poison."
Other than the spider's belongings the room is quite barren, so you've got one place to start. Returning to his large, now triggered, contraption and pile of junk. There's plenty of things that 'could' be useful, but you'd weigh yourself down taking guesses of what you think would be useful. I mean, you're lugging heavy equipment already, even if some of it is fashioned to be lighter. You manage to pull a few things of interest out when E-Kyl sits up and says "I'm getting a bit worried about the other two, let's go check on them when you're done there."
Nevertheless you've gotten a pretty good look through and have a decent enough selection to choose from, but you can only take one.
Your first choice; A gun. Indeed, what if you had a gun? (Does not come with additional ammo). Also, this may have already been used for murder, so don't blame me if the feds take you in for questioning.
Second Choice; A magical red hat with a white circle on the front. It looks potentially magical, perhaps something that enhances mobility of sorts? Could be useful for other party members too...
Third Choice; Baba Booey's Big Baba Shooey, a large piece of foot wear that is actually a sentient artifact. Only problem is it spends most of it's time talking about random and lesser known historical facts, dungeons and dragons stories, and occasionally humorous tales of when it used to be more active and a real joker.
Fourth Choice; A key. What would this decision be without an unlabeled key that risks getting absolutely nothing but also maybe the equivalent of One Piece from it. No Refunds.

Whatever you pick, your next course of action is to continue down the cave, find your friends, and finish this quest.

Vote
React Oh God No for "One!"
React Nerd for "Two-hoo!"
React :V for "A-Three"
React Gonna Be Good for "CRUNCH (Four)"
"Let's play our lives away!"
#70
Draku
THE KEY THE KEY THE KEY

the hat would be cool too but also the key
[Image: s2n7oi.png]
#71
Snufferin Snagglepuss
You have selected:
Fourth Choice; A key. What would this decision be without an unlabeled key that risks getting absolutely nothing but also maybe the equivalent of One Piece from it. No Refunds.
Well it's yours. A key... to something. It certainly doesn't look to special, but a key is a key because it opens something, not because it looks cool. You'll either take this key to your grave or maybe you'll be luck enough to find the laundry hamper it opens. Either way, the shit is yours now and you can't trade it for anything else. Also just as a reminder, One Piece is hidden in a location, not behind a lock. so strike that from your hopes and dreams.

Shenanigans aside it is time to find your friends. Heading down the only tunnel with E-Kyl he lights the way through the twisting passage. A short while later you come to a rather steep overhang. It'll be easy to climb down safely but it's very dangerous looking to climb back up. This might explain why your friends didn't come back. As you descend E-Kyl slides down next to you, both of you landing safely. After a few more minutes of unremarkable stone tunnels you notice a non-E-Kyl light in the distance. Snuffing out the static glow the two of you hurry to find out what the source of this illumination is.
The two of you enter a room, naturally lit, with a strange red and blue rectangle perched upon a pedestal. It's got some sticky things and some buttons maybe on the sides, but it's nothing like you've seen before. This must be what Sfan wanted you to retrieve. As for what you wanted to retrieve Imoleto and Desp are both in this room, playing checkers in the dirt with some rocks. They see you and Desp hurriedly wipes away the game board before coming over to you. "It sure took you a while. We found the final thing here, but couldn't make it back to you. Well... I couldn't, and I didn't want to send Imoleto and leave myself alone, so we just decided to wait.
Makes sense. Honestly you're just glad he didn't steal it and run off. That aside, party is regrouped and this looks to be the final hurdle for this dungeon. But it's also the most important, what do you do?

Vote
React Hmm... for "Gauge the weight by measuring it's parameters, it looks to be some sort of rock/metal, about 9.4 inches long, carry the 3, divide by the speed of light, and replace it quickly with something of similar weight."
React Nyeh! for "Grab it. But like, really fast. So fast that I can immediately dive out of the way of... whatever happens next. Seriously though, really fast."
React Drool for "Traps are for pussies. Why would Spidude trap this, and if it's not his why wouldn't he have taken it already? Just take it and let's go."
React Oh Brother... for "What else are friends for? Let's have a group huddle and decide which of the not-me's is the most suitable for taking this thing safely. Trap prowess and characteristics all considered."

Partner Opinions
Desp: "You do it."
E-Kyle: "You do it."
Imoleto: "The stone around it looks a little too hard for me to quickly dig through..."
"Let's play our lives away!"
#72
Draku
time for MATHS
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#73
Reiji
I'm not gonna say we should use the wild card, I'm just gonna say it'd be funny if Cuckarooney suddenly realized the card was that heavy.
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#74
Snufferin Snagglepuss
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#75
Snufferin Snagglepuss
"Gauge the weight by measuring it's parameters, it looks to be some sort of rock/metal, about 9.4 inches long, carry the 3, divide by the speed of light, and replace it quickly with something of similar weight."
The mental gymnastics are more use than your head has gotten recently but you do your best to estimate how dense this thing may be and what the total mass will come out to. But even with that considered, you still need an item that would be a similar weight, right? Looking through your contents there just isn't quite a good match for replacement. Your pickax maybe? But then you'd lose a valuable tool. What about your partners? Your gaze shifts to your friends and you eye them and their belongings closely.
E-Kyl travels light (pun intended), and doesn't seem to carry much but the essentials. Nothing useful there.
Desp has an array of garbage he carries but in the end it's all just garbage. Stacking it together probably wouldn't give you the weight you need.
Imoleto... well she's got nothing on her except clothes and... hmmm. wait... with her size and how much weight she has... yes maybe. This is absolutely an option. Why didn't you think of it before?

You approach Imoleto and bend down to be eye level with her. She seems a bit tense that you're confronting her so seriously but she puts on a brave face. "Hey Imoleto, I need a huge favor" you start. "It's something that you and only you can do. Do you see that pedestal with the thing on it?" She nods. Well I need you to go over there and dig me up a rock about the size and shape of that item. A bit larger to be on the safe size (since it looks more dense than cave rock). Thinking for a moment she understands and then nods before tottering about the cavern looking for a suitable spot to dig out some rock. Feeling like a champ you cross your arms in smartness because you are such a smart Cuck.
Eventually Imoleto returns with a chunk that should pass for this situation. It is indeed quite hefty but not too heavy. Reapproaching the pedestal with rock in hand you carefully slide the item off as you move the rock on in it's place. Thankfully all of those years of pitiful masturbation have given you some steady hands (you have to be careful when your hands are covered in coal) and the swap is performed flawlessly. Or at least you assume given that there are no traps. In fact, this seems like quite a satisfactory victory. Finally Cucky gets it right!
Sadly this isn't Skyrim and there's no obvious secret passage that will lead you back outside through one hall, so it is time to backtrack. It's long, tedious, and uneventful. All the rooms are as you left them. Technically the only place unexplored would be wherever Imoleto was hiding but... it's unlikely there's anything of relevance with her, otherwise she'd have brought something.
The exit arch pulls itself over your group and finally you are free of this dungeon. The fresh air smells wonderful and the sound of afternoon birds is quite literally music to your ears. Desp seems a little bit shy to the sun as he hisses at it and E-Kyl looks as relieved as you do, taking in a nice breath of fresh air. This leaves... Imoleto.
You tentatively added her to the team and now this dungeon is over. Currently she's squinting in the sunlight and fidgeting, unsure what to do and perhaps sensing that the big decision time has come. No one but you can make the final call.

Vote
React WIDE for "You really proved you were a valuable asset. So long as you can agree to putting yourself in danger with us I think we can make a great team. Let's stay together."
React Blush for "Well you did good kid. But I don't think I should be the one to make this decision. I'll leave the choice to you and we'll all honor what you decide. You can think about it and let us know when we return to the nearby city."
React Thumbs Down for "Look, it's nothing against you. Maybe I feel bad bringing along someone so young or maybe I just don't like you. It's time to part ways. Let's make it a clean break with this victory on our backs and you can dig off to a new home."
React Wat for "I don't think this is gonna work out too well. All this sunlight sensitivity and... well... 'youngness' just isn't a good adventuring combination. But I'll tell you what, come with us to the city we just left and we'll try to find you a living to do there. I'm sure you can fit in somewhere."
"Let's play our lives away!"
#76
Draku
We cannot repay her having proven immensely useful at defusing a trap by ditching her. We'll just have to buy her some sunglasses.
[Image: s2n7oi.png]
#77
Snufferin Snagglepuss
"You really proved you were a valuable asset. So long as you can agree to putting yourself in danger with us I think we can make a great team. Let's stay together."
Imoleto's face lights up at the news and you can see a heavy weight lifted off ehr shoulder, both because she doesn't feel like a burden now and finally has some company. However her face is still ugly because she's squinting so hard in the sunlight... You should fix that at some point. With a new merry band of adventurers and a completed quest it is time to go cash in. Oh boy have you been waiting for this moment.
The trip back to the city feels shorter than when you left, but the sun is still going down soon. Stopping my a nearby inn you decide to have a little celebration. You tell your friends the drinks are on you tonight (limit one) and you'll buy them a meal. Desp immediately hits the bar and orders multiple drinks, with the most expensive one first, and asks to start a tab. E-Kyl and Imoleto stick with you and maintain conversation about their thoughts on recent events and other nonchalant topics. It's a merry little fiesta and after E-Kyl finishes drinking his salt water to recharge those saline batteries of his and Imoleto eats the last of her veggies (which took a little convincing) it is about time to hit the sack. You get 2 rooms, one for you and the kid and the other for E-Kyl and Desp. The later of which is currently blackout drunk and pissing on tableware... You debate letting him get tossed out but decide that a good show of faith is in order. Knocking him upside the head with your shield and dragging him to the room fixes this problem quickly and efficiently. With everyone settled in their beds you all get a much needed rest.

In the following morning, skipping all morning preparations, the three of you are in peak condition with the insane 4th addition clutching his head from a 'massive hangover' and muttering about hitting his head on a table (crazy how that happened). Nevertheless it is time to hit up the smithy and claim your reward. A brisk walk brings you to his door once more and with a triumphant entry you announce you have returned and brought the slab! Or whatever it is.
"You really have it? Fantastic! It has been so long since I've had this in my possession." exclaims Sfan. "You see, my mother took it from me one night because I wasn't practicing smithing enough and hid it in a dungeon so I couldn't use it to get onto the web anymore. But now I am back online!" He snatches the stone from you and begins going at it. 'It' being acting like a junkie who just got his fix because that stone is doing absolutely nothing despite his shouts of joy and finger movements. Perhaps this is some sort of latent psychosis of his brought upon by some trauma. Feeling the urge to get out of here you remind him of your deal, you still need a weapon after all.
"Yes, yes of course. I was hasty in my satisfaction. As agreed upon you can select any weapon you want. The labels are next to each so you can read those. I'll just be here waiting for you to pick so find one yourself and it should be settled, agreed?"
Lazy fuck, you kind of regret bringing him this thing. His mom was right. But a quest is a quest and a reward is a reward. Which weapon do you choose?

Vote
React Just Right for "Flame tongue. A classic sword that ignites itself for extra pain and illumination. A choice you can't go wrong with."
React Sleeping for "The Stealth Sneak Bow. Let's be real, it's my 4th time playing and I swore I was going to try a new build, but it's not my fault that sneak and archery got so much exp and it'd be a waste to at least not utilize it for now..."
React I Wanna F*ck That for "The Hand Cannon. A curious name for what looks to be a mini crossbow that fits around the wrist. You'd ask if it was magical but the smith is... busy."
React Mad for "KillMurderMaim the Mauling Mace. No seriously, that's what the name tag says next to this weapon. Looks pretty heavy though..."
React Cool for "I can feel the dynasties of old calling me. That long glaive looking weapon there, 'The Tempest's Reach' has to be my choice. For the Emperor."
React I'd fug it for "Wait, is that the same gun from the cave? It looks just like it. But surely I'm not going to take a gun and make everyone have to count limited ammo... right?"
"Let's play our lives away!"
#78
Draku
tentatively sword until i change my mind arbitrarily later today.........

edit: it was changed because i wanted to break the tie. glaive time bitch
[Image: s2n7oi.png]
#79
Snufferin Snagglepuss
"I can feel the dynasties of old calling me. That long glaive looking weapon there, 'The Tempest's Reach' has to be my choice. For the Emperor."
Taking the glaive in hand you find that the weight on it is amazingly balanced. Despite being a pole arm style weapon it's easy to wield with one hand. A few swings and some defensive stances shows that this is certainly a powerful combination with your shield (but woulda been better with a tower shield). There's no way this glaive isn't magical with simply the way it wields, perhaps it has some more 'active' magical features too? Time will tell.
Choice made it is time to get the fuck out and let this guy jack himself off with his nintendo swi- hunk of rock. Guess he wasn't mature enough to handle the responsibility of life mixed with the illusion and distraction of games... Wow that's one big ass boomer thought you just had, it's really time to gtfo.
Done with the smithy there's no real reason to come back for a while, so it's time to find a new place to hang. Maybe a quest or visit a friend?

Vote

React Love for "To be fair, there's been quite some development since we last saw them, let's go visit the alchemical sisters (or whatever they were) and see what they think oh how things have gone so far. They did mention needing some help..."
React Analyzing for "I'm a serious warrior now, I can handle the big jobs. Let's go to the mayor... or whatever governing official runs this place and get a REAL Cuck's quest."
React Mischievous for "No no no, we need to avoid all the bureaucracy and red tape. (yellow tape?) Let's go straight to the Guild here and grab a cool looking quest the old fashioned way."
React Drool for "I thirst for adventure! Let's just leave the city and it's potential behind us to find ourselves (as a group) and have a journey for adventure straight out of Shonen Jump! (Not guaranteed, this might accidentally be a Kodomomuke rather than Shonen or Seinen.)

Bonus!:
why the fuck is minus world trying to auto-correct me for glaive. It's a real fucking word you can of sardine looking ass code.
"Let's play our lives away!"
#80
Draku
MW doesn't have spellcheck, your browser does.

also time to go answer a previous call for help
[Image: s2n7oi.png]

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